Friday, February 12, 2010

If you want God to laugh at you make some plans...

Life never turns out how you plan - over the years I've had many plans. In my teens and early 20's my plans included going to college, getting married, a family, a career, I was going to have it all. I spent my 20's single and mostly loving life and having a great time. I did go to college but didn't graduate and get a fabulous job with a big salary. I always had a job and eventually I got into the field of work I wanted and worked my way up those corporate ladders.

I got married shortly after turning 30 but never did start that family and its for the best really.

I went to grad school and got an MBA with dreams of screaming my way right up that corporate ladder into a six figure salary and a corner office. I started working on this dream and had made several key moves that would get me there.

Then my husband's MS took a turn for the worse, and my priorities changed. All of a sudden the long hours and travel required to climb that ladder wasn't possible and the ladder wasn't important anymore. I took a job with more flexibility and a bigger paycheck but no real future for me, and I hated it.

My time became consumed with disability applications and doctor's appointments, and then I lost the job I hated and found myself on unemployment for the first time. It was such a complete turn around from the corporate go-getter I was just 3 years ago.

These days I sleep in, I go for walks with my dog, I surf the net, I bake, I clean, I cook. I drive my husband to appointments and speak for him when he can't find the words. I advocate for him, I fight for what he deserves. It's funny I used to wonder what stay at home mom's did all day - now that I am basically a housewife and caregiver I wonder how I used to have time to work 50 hours a week.

Now my plans are shifting - and I'm more flexible. I still want to do some entrepreneurial stuff and have started a small website that I'm just not finding the time to work on and need to make the time. I'm looking at part time work from home opportunities and finding they are out there but the competition seems fierce so I'm not having a lot of luck yet but I keep trying.

Now my worries are - someday, when being a caregiver is not my primary job - will I have any job skills left? Will anyone hire me then? So planning to do some volunteer work to keep skills up and hopefully socking away cash when I can so I have a nest egg and hoping I don't have to worry about this for decades!

So despite the fact that my plans never seem to pan out - I keep making them. Gives me something to do.! :)


sunshine said...

You're an amazing wife Tricia. It's great that during this time, with so much going on regarding getting your husbands pension etc sorted out, that you can be home.

I know what you mean though about plans and such. When I turned 40 last fall I was like.. "Oh man! What have I accomplished?" .. I too wonder if I have anything to contribute to the working world. I've been home for 17 years. I worry that if something happened to SEb I"d be up shit creek.

I'm thinking of you and you know that I'm here if you need me.


Cranky said...

Tricia - reading this post I could very definitely relate to a lot of what you've experienced. Being a caregiver definitely causes a shift in priorities and work options. I am lucky that my career progression took me into a position that required little travel and the opportunity to work from home shortly before I needed that shift. But, the demands on my time for caregiving undermine the ability I have to get as much accomplished in my paying job and I recognize that impact is beginning to undermine my position at work.

sunshine said...

Thinking about you today.

verybadcat said...

there will be some unfair dues repaying, but when the time comes to get back on the ladder, there will be a place for you. until then, just keep kickin' ass.


sunshine said...

Just popping in to say hi. I was thinking about you tonight. Hope that everything is going well. :)


GChen said...

I'm a mom, a blogger, and a Ph.D. student, and I need your help. I'm doing a study about why women blog, and you have been selected at random to participate in a short survey about what motivates you to blog and what you get out of blogging.

Here is the link:

Thanks in advance for your help. Feel free to contact me at if you have any questions.

Gina Chen
Ph.D. student
S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications
Syracuse University