Lead me...

Show me you're willing to fight,

that I'm still the love of your life...

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone.

If only...

This song makes me sad - I am tired of having to be the strong one and yet that will never change for me. NEVER! :(

My new love...

It's a boy, 11 weeks old, 25 lbs. Cute as can be. He needs a name, so far some contenders are Jackson, Tristan, Indiana (as in Jones), Luke, and we are looking for more suggestions - so far nothing really fits him. Naming Xavier took us 5 minutes and we both loved it and agreed, but this pup is not so easy. Many have suggested Max, it could be an option too.

p.s. we decided on Max and he already comes to this - he is a great pup. I <3 him so much.

What if...

I have cried rivers of tears in the past year. I have wondered if anything would ever be right again. I have questioned my life, my choices, my faith, my God...

And I heard this song a few weeks ago, and it made the tears start rolling again but for a different reason. I have cried a river that I thought would drown me but somehow I have come out on the other side - stronger, happier, at peace.

And those prayers - they are being answered slowly but surely. And I think maybe a thousand sleepless nights is exactly what it took to change the only thing that I could ever really hope to change - me.

I hope the song moves you as it has moved me.

Blessings... Laura Story

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home,

It's not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

I've been neglectful...

I have not written here in well over a month. For me this place is to pour out the things I cannot say elsewhere, to complain, to moan, to cry. Well lately things have been better. The spring is sort of here, it's still cold but the hours of daylight gets more each day and that helps me greatly. My husband has been making an effort and our relationship is on the mend. My job is picking up and while I still don't like the job it is a bit less soul sucking these days. So I haven't had much to say.

My husband planned a cruise for our anniversary in November. It's very exciting. :) We are taking a 7 day Bahama's Cruise on Norwegian Cruise Line out of NYC and will be on the boat for our 11th anniversary on 11/11/11.

In other news - not much is happening - looking forward to opening the pool and getting things moving along toward summer. Many things to do - spring cleaning - yard clean-up (a whole winter's worth of dog POO), flower bed clean-up. Before you know it I'll be mowing again and planting those flower beds.

Hope and Despair

The hope part - I got the part time gig - but it's way more part time than I had thought based on the ad. The job will only be 10-15 hours a MONTH! But it's with a marketing company and it's a marketing job so it will help my resume to not completely die. Also there are other companies that do the same job for other clients/brands and I can have more than one job at a time, many reps work for 3-4 or more and get paid 3-4 times for the same hour of work. Sounds good to me! :) I'm working on finding those other jobs now.

The despair part - I was listening to a song about loss, losing a loved one and saying goodbye especially. And I thought how cut and dried that was and how though no one really knows what to say they do somehow find the right thing. When your loved one slips away a little at a time and turns into someone you don't recognize and sometimes don't like and yet is still there and present physically? Well people have no clue what you are going through and if they do they don't know what to say. I'm not supposed to grieve my husband because he is alive and in my bed each night and yet this man that I am married to bears no resemblance (other than the physical) to the one I married 10 years ago most days.

Every once in awhile the old guy peeks out, shows kindness, shows compassion, shows love. Those are the moments that keep me going.

In a Funk...

For several days now I've been in a funk. Part of the problem is a summer cold I managed to catch that has made me feel icky. Part of the problem is second guessing decisions and wondering if I'm really making major mistakes. The pool is in, but it's been raining and cold since so I can't swim in it. I worry that I shouldn't have spent the money on the pool after all but it's done now.

I applied for a job on Thursday and fully expect to be hired - BUT not sure I want it. It's no career, it's breakfast and lunch waitress at the Holiday Inn - not exactly something to be thrilled about. My schedule would be 7am to 2pm 3-4 days a week. No way of knowing how much I'll really make until I do it. Just got a bit depressed staring at my framed MBA diploma and thinking about being a waitress.

Today went to church in the AM and then to eat with some friends, my husband was having a bad day and made a bit of a scene in the restaurant which was embarrassing. To make matters worse the restaurant is owned by the sister of the woman who owns the restaurant where I work so I know word will get around. These are the days when I wish myself single in the worst possible way. And yet I really don't want that - I just want my old husband back - never going to happen though.

Just the other day I heard a song that I had considered singing at our wedding 10 years ago. I wanted to actually sing it to him at the wedding but decided I couldn't hold it together for that. This song made me sob big ole wracking sobs - and made me feel very guilty for not always keeping the promise I made. This in sickness stuff is so hard sometimes.

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

More things to be thankful for...

Unlike my last post this one really is more about things I am truly thankful for!

I am thankful for old friends!

• The ones that have been around for 20+ years, the ones that just love me for who I am, the ones that have watched me make mistakes, listened to me cry, given me advice, never judged me for those mistakes, always accepted me for who I am. These are the friends who you can count on, the ones that will tell you the truth even when it hurts and yet never hold it against you. We laugh together, have cried together, have prayed together, have grown up together, have grown together. Yes you know who you are - and I am so thankful for YOU!

I am thankful for close friends!

• I have a handful of these, some I have known for many years, others only a few, some I have only known through the internet and yet I have shared with them some of my deepest secrets and darkest thoughts. One in particular has helped me remain sane through this very crazy year and I hope I have done the same for her. I hope she knows who she is - meow.
  

I am thankful for new friends!

• I have a new friend, she is much younger than me and yet she teaches me about the kind of person I want to be. She is kind, loving, intelligent. She follows her dreams, she inspires me. I feel honored that she has chosen me to be her friend. She is not yet privy to my blog but I would be remiss if I didn't mention her.

I am thankful for my sister!

• As kids we fought like cats and dogs (well maybe worse than cats and dogs? for the most part my cats and dog live in relative harmony) but as adults we are true friends. I would do anything for her and I know she would do anything for me. I enjoy spending time with her, I trust her with my secrets, I admire her patience and love with her children. My sister is a special person.
  

I am thankful for my parents!

• Both my parents are here and help out, they will do anything I need them to do and I try not to take too much advantage of that. Especially my dad - he is a worker and he has worked for me a lot. I don't know how we would get the things we need done around here done without my dad. My husband wants to move and honestly living in town would make more sense BUT I would hate to move away from my parents - it is so nice to have my dad so close (just a mile up the road).

And even when he is a big ole pain in the butt - I am thankful for my husband. I didn't get the life, the marriage, the dreams that I thought I wanted but I still can't imagine my life without him. He makes me laugh, he keeps me warm at night, he tells me he is proud of me, he loves me for me.

So there - my obligatory Thanksgiving post - but from the heart! :)

Last night of my vacation...

Hubby is coming home tomorrow. 8 nights and 9 days apart have been good for us, good for me! I actually miss him and am looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow night. :) I know he's eager to come home and misses me a lot too.

His vacation hasn't been quite as good as mine. He's staying in someone else's home, someone who does not have the same standards of cleanliness as we do. I do not consider myself a good housekeeper. I hate cleaning, HATE! But that being said the worst thing about my house is some dust and the endless battle with dog and cat hair. At their house the shower is growing things, the kitchen is a scary place, and their dogs crap all over the place so you have to watch where you walk.

Add to that there was a gas line break and they had no hot water for days so he had to go shower at a friend's house that was even worse! Also he thinks he got athlete's foot from someone so we'll need to treat that ASAP when he gets home and if I get it I'm going to be super angry.

He's going to be super happy to see me and come home to our clean house, clean shower, clean fresh sheets, and a nice dinner. Yep I think he will appreciate me again for awhile at least.

Life can change in a second...

My sister's husband's oldest brother is going to die, probably tomorrow. He is 47 years old, he has a wife and two boys 13 and 11. About a month ago he experienced some severe and sudden pain in his back and some very serious looking bruises appeared, the doctor sent him to the hospital and he was admitted immediately. He was diagnosed with acute leukemia and started on an aggressive inpatient chemo treatment.

He started having some major issues with being in the hospital, I think they called it hospital psychosis. He was sure the nurses were trying to kill him, he escaped from the hospital once and pulled the fire alarm on his way out. He was restrained and medicated. His poor wife going through hell.

Then Saturday morning around 4am he went into cardiac arrest, it took over 35 minutes to revive him. They used hypothermic blankets to lower his body temperature in an attempt to let his body heal a bit and hoping to minimize brain damage. But after warming him back up and removing him from the drugs medically inducing coma - the tests show that the brain damage is extensive and he will not be able to survive off the life support machines.

The family signed a DNR tonight and the life support will be removed tomorrow.

A month ago their family was happy and everyone seemed healthy and they were enjoying their summer and now tomorrow 2 boys will lose their daddy, and one woman will lose her lifelong love.

I'm so sad for them although I don't know them super well and it makes me want to hug those close to me and remind them how much they mean because life can change in a second.

UPDATE: RIP - Steve. He passed at 3am on September 9th.

Hurting...

Things have been bad lately - husband flies into a rage over any tiny thing that doesn't go his way. He is clinically depressed (started see a therapist today so HOPE), has severe anger issues, and is just all around miserable. I take the brunt of his misery and it is making me seriously depressed too.

To recap my life of late:

• Working at a job I don't like for a boss I can't respect
• Husband not working since September, financial security crumbling around me
• Husband in the process of getting VA Disability but it takes so long
• Husband has ZERO patience for above
• Bills to pay (lots and lots)
  
• House to care for
• Bank account empty - back to living paycheck to paycheck after a decade of prosperity
• Wondering how to get enough money to pay everything on time
• Considering paying the car insurance with a credit card when it next comes due in Sept
• Considering cashing in retirement accounts that have lost 50% of their value in the last 2 years at a HUGE loss to pay bills
• Wondering if my marriage can survive one more screaming fight
• Wondering if my heart can
• Feeling guilty for thinking how nice it might be to come home to an empty house with no one to yell and no expectations
• Feeling even more guilty for even thinking of abandoning the disabled spouse - "in sickness" and all that
  
• Praying super hard that vacation will ease some tension and put some levity back into the situation

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

I'm getting a much needed chance to miss my husband this week. I can't help but think it will be good for us. Lately we have been bickering more than usual and tiny little disagreements turn into big screaming knock down drag out's. Things that I would normally just let slide just stick in my craw and I can't seem to just ignore them. My stress level is at an all time high and I spend far too much time either seething or crying.

The timing couldn't be more perfect for my husband to go to western PA to visit his family. He will be staying with his aunt who is there on spring break from school (she's a teacher) and spending plenty of time with his other aunt and uncle and his cousins who live in this small town.

I will be plenty worried about him tomorrow as he drives the 400 miles to get there BUT once he is there he plans to stay for about 5-6 days and friends I cannot tell you how happy I am to have a week of blissful time to myself. I have a list of things I want to get done, recipes I want to try (things he wouldn't eat anyway) and I plan to get to bed early every night.

By the time he comes back home in a week I may actually be happy to see him. Sometimes a short break and time to actually miss the ones we love is just what the doctor ordered.

Not a good day...

Today I cried.

Not because anyone hurt my feelings or pissed me off but because I witnessed my husband realize another thing that MS has taken from him and the resulting cloud of disappointment.

We went to an open application and test call for the 2010 Census today at 1pm - the jobs are 20-40 hours a week for approx 10 weeks at a time and pay up to $18 an hour so it seemed like a good idea to apply. I went to thinking during the summer months when the sun stays out until 9pm I could work part time to help shore up our finances and that Pete could do it full time and earn some income.

We filled out the application and waited to start the test. Once given the okay we had 30 minutes to complete 28 questions. I dug in and got to town, the test was pretty simple, can you follow directions? can you comprehend what you read? can you do simple math? can you read a map? I finished it with time to spare and turned my test in and then had to wait for the 30 minutes to be up. This is when I looked over at my husband and realized he was struggling. With 5 minutes to go he had not yet finished his test and was looking really confused.

Then she said time was up, he had answered maybe 15 of the 28 questions and out of those he only got 9 right. He was angry at first but then the realization sunk in that he had failed miserably at what would have been a very simple test for him a few years ago. He looked over at me and I had tears in my eyes and he asked what was wrong. I told him later as I didn't want to discuss it while still in the testing area.

We went outside and I told him I was not mad - he thought I was mad at him for not doing better. I said I'm just sad because I know that 5 years ago you'd have finished faster and gotten a better score than I did. Then I let it go but we went to McDonald's for a fast lunch and he was pretty despondent, and I couldn't help it I full out cried with tears running down my face for him and what this damned disease has taken from him. He was trying to comfort me which seems really backward.

Just another sign that we need to start the wheels in motion for SS Disability I fear.

The good news is that I only got two questions wrong scoring a 93% and will likely get hired - so this summer for a few weeks at least I can put in about 20 hours a week and try to keep our family finances above water.

I'll Stand By You

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You wont be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

This song by the Pretenders came on the other day while Pete and I were driving somewhere together. And it hit me that the more time goes on the more I am his protector, the more he needs me. And even though I bitch about it sometimes and fear it all the time I know I am up for the challenge because through it all I still love him madly.

Damn him for making me feel guilty...

Last night my husband found a website called cheapo air, and he started looking at airfare. To go to Dayton (his mom's) FOR CHRISTMAS! We spent last Christmas with his family - this year is my turn. We tend to alternate years for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. In 2007 we spent Christmas in Dayton, in 2006 we spent Thanksgiving there. I asked him if he wanted to go to Dayton next week for Thanksgiving WEEKS ago and he said no.

So he asks me last night if we can go to Dayton for Christmas. I didn't say no - but he knew I was upset and wanted to stay here. He says - "we spend every holiday with your family" and I never see mine. This is somewhat true but obviously if you read the first paragraph not entirely true. Sure we are always here and spend plenty of time with my family BUT we spent last Christmas with his and this year is MY TURN!

But still I feel guilty and start to cry because he hurt my feelings making me feel like I keep him from his family somehow. So I have to throw in my own hurtful words and I say "We see your family as often now as we did when they lived 45 minutes away from us, they couldn't be bothered to visit us then and nothing has changed, why should I have to give up Christmas with my family when they could just as easily come to us but won't?" I know this struck a nerve - we have lived in NY for almost 4 years and his family has NEVER been out to visit. In those 4 years we have been back there 5 times for visits. And it is not surprising - when we lived in Cincinnati - a mere 40 miles from his sister's place in Dayton they came to visit us at our house once in the 6 years we lived there ONCE! We always had to go to them and we did it 1-2 times a year. AND we found out that they were going to the Casino Boats in Indiana and driving right by our house on the highway (within 1 mile) and wouldn't stop or even call and see if we wanted to go with them. So no I don't feel a bit guilty about not wanting to drive the 11 hours or spend all day in airports and planes to go visit them for Christmas.

I do feel bad that my husband misses his family and they basically don't seem to care. But they are the ones really hurting him, not me.

So I woke up this morning to an email from hubby - he said he didn't mean to upset me, that we don't have to go to Dayton, just that even when we don't spend the actual holiday with my family we still see them (last year we did it the weekend after Christmas) and he does have a point. He was sweet, and told me he's just upset that none of them can be bothered to come visit him.

So I offered up New Years - said we should drive (11 hours driving versus 8 hours in airports) and take the dog - would be a lot cheaper $200 gas instead of $500 plane tickets.

I don't think he's up and reading email yet. I think I'm also going to send his mom an invite to come here and offer to buy her ticket. Hubby is home all day now and he and she could go places and spend time together if she stayed longer than a few days.

Yep I think that is what I will do.

I'll go there with you...

Go There With You by Steven Curtis Chapman

I know you've heard me say these words before
But every time I say I love you the words mean something more
I spoke them as a promise right from the start
I said death would be the only thing that could tear us apart
And now that you are standing on the edge of the unknown
I love you means I'll be with you wherever you must go

I will take a heart whose nature is to beat for me alone
And fill it up with you - make all your joy and pain my own
No matter how deep a valley you go through
I will go there with you
And I will give myself to love the way Love gave itself for me
And climb with you to mountaintops or swim a raging sea
To the place where one heart is made from two
I will go there with you

I see it in your tears - you wonder where you are
The wind is growing colder and the sky is growing dark
Though it's something neither of us understands
We can walk through this together if we hold each other's hand
I said for better or worse I'd be with you
So no matter where you're going I will go there too

I will take a heart whose nature is to beat for me alone
And fill it up with you - make all your joy and pain my own
No matter how deep a valley you go through
I will go there with you

I known sometimes I let you down
But I won't let you go - we'll always be together

Why Women Play Games...

Guys if you have ever wondered why women play games here is your answer - because IT WORKS! I have found that when things get a little strained, a little distant, the fastest way to get my husband crawling back to me is to act a little aloof. If he's be pushing me away, if he's been distant, if I'm feeling hurt and lonely... All I need to do is spend a day at home but doing all my own things, leaving him alone to watch football on the couch, and then tell him I'm taking off to go shopping and have dinner with my sister. Later that night - I get compliments "you look sexy in that shirt" - I get hugged - a back rub - a sweet I love you before bed.

Why do women play hard to get? Because you men seem to enjoy the chase and it works! If a man loves you there is no faster way to bring him around than to ignore him for a bit.

To all the Veterans I've Loved...

My great grandfather - a man I always knew as very old, a man who loved me to death and called me his little Patreesh, he made me fried hot dog sandwiches with spicy hot mustard, and let me run crazy and play in his garden, a man who died when I was 8 on a day I will never forget. He served in WWI and raised 2 wonderful sons - one being my grandfather...

My grandfather - who was always my biggest supporter - who encouraged me, supported me, bailed me out a time or two. Who was ready to step in on my wedding day and walk me down the aisle when my dad was torn between being with me and being with his own dying father. A man who encouraged me to go to college, to give it my all. He cheered at my promotions, my triumphs, he was so proud when I started back to school to get my MBA. He died in 2003 on a cold day in January, I got the call that he was going and to come quick. I got on the road as soon as I could and drove like a mad woman from Cincinnati, OH to Kingston, NY. I got to the hospital at 2:30am and walked in his room. My mom was asleep in the chair next to him. I squeezed his hand and told him I was there and that I loved him. He never woke up and took his last breath moments later. I felt he held on for me to get there maybe so my mom would not be alone when he passed. Another day I will never forget. My grandfather was part of The Greatest Generation - the generation who built the country I call home. My grandfather served in WWII on the ground in Europe. He never talked about it to anyone.

My father - so many good things to say about my dad and I've said them before here. My dad who will do anything for me, a man who is gruff and tough on the outside but will say "I love you kid" everytime we talk on the phone. My dad was drafted into the Army at 18 and served during Vietnam, he did one tour of duty and was thankfully stationed in Germany at a radio tower where he never saw the horrors that so many who served in Vietnam were faced with. My dad's accident in 1999 is a big part of the reason I live in upstate NY today. I realized how precious life is, how easily his could have been gone and that I wanted to spend as much time as I could near my family.

My uncle - an extremely successful businessman who always inspired me to try harder, and push to be the person I wanted to be. He enlisted in the marines when he graduated from college and served and was wounded in Vietnam. A man who looks and acts very much like his father - my grandfather who I loved so dearly.

My father-in-law - who passed away before I was really his daughter-in-law, he served during the Korean War era. I didn't know this man as well as I would have liked but the things I have learned about him after his death, and the son he raised who is my partner,let me know that he was a good man, an honorable man, and someone to be admired.

My husband - in the airforce from 1984 to 1994 - was in combat during Desert Storm, received a bronze star for valor. The man I pin my future hopes and dreams on, the love of my life. Today is our anniversary - what is more fitting than marrying a veteran on veterans day?

For all of the veterans in my life - and all the veterans out there - thank you for your service, your sacrifices, the protection you provide, what you are willing to lose to protect the freedoms we treasure, I salute you.

Making Lemonade

So life has handed me some lemons - I considered breaking out the new bottle of Patron and drinking myself silly but ever since this day I can no longer do shots of tequila even really good tequila!

Yesterday I took my car to Wal-mart, because my rear passenger side tire had a slow leak (been putting air in ever 2-3 weeks) and I wanted my tires rotated too. Should have cost approx $50 for all of this. Instead I spent an hour at Wal-mart shopping and got paged thinking my car was done and instead they break the news to me:

1. The tire with the leak had a nail in it. It went in at an angle and the tire cannot be repaired. They put the spare on (a skinny tire not meant to drive over 50 with).
2. My front tires are bald on the inside (both of them) and this means my car is probably not aligned properly.
3. I need to buy 4 new tires!
   

This is totally not a planned expense. My car is not even a year old yet - it does have 25,000 miles on it but still tires should last longer than that. The car was brand new last December and has had no accidents, no curb incidents, no major potholes, so why is it out of alignment? WHY?

So I'm kicking myself because if I had rotated tires on a normal schedule I'd have caught this before the tires were ruined.

So how am I making lemonade out of this mess of lemons?

Well I took a vacation day. Hubby and I are going to Albany - will have the work done at the Sears Auto Center at Colonie Center and while it's being done we will go watch a movie, have some lunch, spend the day together because tomorrow is our 8th anniversary and we are still together and happy that way more days than not. :)

I can't think of a Thursday Thirteen...

So I'm going to ramble and see how many things I get:

1. I can't believe today is only Thursday. I don't want to do another day this week.
   
   
2. Saturday is my nephew's birthday - he will be five! He is having his first kid party and I agreed to take his baby brother (9 months old) so mom and dad could focus on the kids and the party. There is an adult party at 4pm - BBQ for the grandparents, aunts and uncles, should be fun. I still haven't gotten him a gift. Any ideas for a great gift for a 5 year old boy that is ALL BOY?
   
   
3. I am a judge for a certain species of livestock that I'll not name here cause it's a small world and I'd rather not draw too many people who know me here. Anyway I have gotten emergency phone calls to replace another judge this weekend and next who was in a terrible car accident last Friday night on his way to a show in NJ. He is in the ICU and if he survives he has months of intensive therapy to get him back on his feet. It makes me sad - he is my parents age, the nicest guy, he and his wife have no children by choice. Thinking of his wife all alone sitting by his bedside hoping he lives is so sad to me. I fear that kind of situation myself. By taking on these shows for ICU judge I make some extra unplanned money but I hate how I'm making it.
   
   
4. Work is picking up - things are getting busy. RBT is sufficiently humbled and was moved into a cube where everyone walking down the hall can see his screen - no more slacking off for RBT! Thank GOD I am not in such a position.
   
   
5. Car pooling is working out better than I ever imagined. We are alternating days now and it's saving me a ton. Only filling up the tank once a week now - WooHoo. And carpool companion's wife is now set up and approved to have Tysabri at the local hospital - thanks to my hubby getting it pushed through, it was a real help to them.
   
   
6. Hubby seems to have quit smoking for real - he still seems to have the occasional cig - mostly socially like at the lake with friends last weekend. But he can go for days or weeks without one too. I'm proud of him.
   
   
7. I bought hubby a gift to celebrate his success with quitting. It was delivered to the house today. I wish I had it delivered here to work cause he will get home before I do and I told him I had a present coming. Also told him to NOT open the Amazon box until I got home so will drive him nuts for about 2 hours! LOL I got him a new ipod Classic 80 gig to replace his 30 gig ipod Video that hasn't been working well and has crappy battery life. With this new one we will be a 4 ipod household. LOL I need to figure out what to do with the old ones. I think I'll take the video back and use it as a portable hard drive instead. He will be surprised and hopefully happy.
   
   
8. I have a ton of pictures on my camera that I should dump. I also should take all the photos stored from years of digital picture taking off my hard drive and upload them to Picaso. I'm sure my family would enjoy sharing them.
   
   
9. I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here trying to find 13 things, so I think I'll stop. The Thursday Nine doesn't quite cut it but it's all I got folks.
   

Quitter!

Happy news! My hubby quit smoking - he has tried many times and not been successful but somehow I think this time it will stick. The reason? He is pissed off - royally pissed off because NY State added an additional $2.00 per pack tax to them and he refuses to pay $6.50 for a pack of Marlboro Lights!

So he's been on Chantix for about 10 days and yesterday was the day - he ran out of cig's on Friday night and didn't smoke all day yesterday. He was crabby a few times but not really as bad as expected. He does have some nicotine gum for when it gets really bad but he's doing so well.

This morning he changed his myspace profile to list him as a non-smoker. I think he's committed this time! I'm proud of him! :)