The night I threw up on my shoes and threw myself at a gay man...

Ben has a little contest going for the worst hangover story ever. I decided even though I am more than a decade past this event it makes for a good story and might even be humorous to share so what the heck.

This story occurs in October 1996 in Fort Myers Beach, Florida. I was there for a conference to relicense for my weird little hobby that I have yet to share on my blog. Enough about that - I was staying for the week and to keep my expenses down I was sharing a room. I was sharing a room with a man that I had a serious crush on and had been in "love" with since I was about 18 years old. At the time I was 26 so yes I had been nursing this crush for 8 long years. My crush was approx 13 years older than me and in all the time I had known him had NEVER had a girlfriend. This should have been a clue but I figured he was waiting for that one perfect woman and of course that was me.

As it turns out - my crush is gay - I should have known this. It is why no one was surprised at us sharing a room. It was why even my parents didn't think it was a big deal.

Fast forward to Wednesday night - have spent 3 nights sleeping in the bed next to my crush with nary a stray look in my direction. We are out together with a crowd of friends and we are drinking and dancing and having a ball. Earlier that day one friend had made a liquor store run for a bottle of tequila that she was carrying in her enormous purse. We order a round of shots for everyone and a round of beers. Then we take an empty beer bottle to the bathroom and rinse it out well and fill it with the tequila from the bottle in her purse. Back to the table and it looks like we are a bunch of morons taking shots of bud light BUT in reality it's Cuervo Gold. We continue to refill through the night. Somewhere around 1am I hit a wall - at that point in time I had drank at least 6 beers and had approx 10 shots of Cuervo. I am not nor have I ever been a heavy drinker - for me this was more than excessive. The last thing I remember someone convinced me to do one more shot. I took that shot glass of Cuervo and it smelled bad. I tried to shoot it back but instead of swallowing I ended up with a mouthful of nasty tequila. I tried to force myself to swallow it and instead I started gagging. Next thing I know I'm puking all over my shoes and the floor in the bar. Someone helps me to the bathroom and I lay on the cold (disgusting public bathroom) tiles moaning. Finally with a guy on either side (one of them my crush/roommate) I am helped back to my room. The other guy leaves and it's just me and my crush. I have a vague recollection of flashing him before passing out face first on my bed.

I woke up the next morning - roommate was no where to be found. My head was throbbing. My mouth felt & tasted like a cat had shit in it a few times. I couldn't stand the smell of food, my foray to the lobby/restaurant had me catching a whiff of something on the lunch buffet and sent me running back to a bathroom to dry heave. Later that night was a costume party - I had to get my costume figured out. I didn't really have one but was too sick to care. I went in beach attire (not the wisest choice as I am not a little girl and wasn't 12 years ago either) because it was all I could think of. I finally saw my roommate who had rented a Barney the dinosaur costume and it finally struck me that no straight guy would even think of doing that, then the realization that I had flashed my naked body at this man the night before dawned on me and I was MORTIFIED. Probably not as mortified as he was at the time but still. I could not drink anything at that party with an open bar - even the scent of alcohol had me gagging. It was a few days before I felt normal again and a month before I had anything else to drink.

I guess I didn't learn my lesson though because later that year - new years eve in fact - I was at a party with my new boyfriend and a mixture of champagne, beer, and shots of Hot Damn had me flashing my girls for the party goers (to cheers this time) and spending half the night with my head in a toilet.

The moral of the story? Don't drink so much that you throw up on your shoes and show your boobs to your gay roommate? I guess?

Probably should add that I am still friends with the gay roommate and we see each other about twice a year. We have never since spoken of that event in our lives. I think he has blocked it from his mind as if it never happened, for me it's just a funny story to get a few laughs on my blog. :-)

Don’t be a Jonze.

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