Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Breaking through the other side...

I have been reading some of my old blog posts, it's always good to see where you have come from.  It amazes me when I read the posts full of pain, fear, depression, posts where I felt alone, trapped, abused.  Some are hard to read.  Some are down right dramatic.  I am amazed though as I read them to realize I have come through all of this and while life is far from perfect it's a whole lot better than I ever thought possible just 2 years ago.

We have settled into a more comfortable place.  My husband is more stable in his disease and less combative in his day to day dealings with me.  He has resigned himself to the fact that we live here, in NY, and that it does not make sense for use to move.  He has made some friends in the veterans community and I have made friends as well with some wives.  We have friends with a common perspective, with common struggles and it makes a big difference.

His meds are fairly well regulated, he is much happier overall and the depression has lifted some.

I am no longer deluding myself that a full time career is my destiny.  I am happier working part time jobs and doing my own thing than I could ever be in corporate america after all I've been through.

So maybe this is why I'm not writing all the time anymore - my prolific posting had to do with misery and depression and I'm just not there anymore.

I miss writing though, I'd like to try to do more of it.  I still have plenty to complain about but pet peeves really are not as interesting as real heartbreak and sorrow.  I'll take my rather uninteresting life though, it is much more peaceful these days.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Hell that is the Air Mattress...

So spending Thanksgiving with family out of town is always nice.  It's good to see them and spend time with them but the downside is that we are spending our nights sleeping on a double size air mattress.  Here is how it starts out - me on my side and him on his side.  Everytime anyone moves the other gets sent in flying.  And my husband is 6'4" and a full size mattress is not really long enough for him so he tends to roll toward the middle and go diagonal.  This morning around 3am I fell off the side I was trying so hard to cling too.  After I stopped cursing I climbed back in and tried to shove him back to his side with no success.  By 8am I had fallen out of the stupid bed 3 more times.  I was still sooooo tired that I moved to a recliner chair and fell back to sleep until nearly noon.

It was our 4th night on the mattress and I was not in a good mood when I got shoved out for the 3rd time. One more night here and as much as I'm enjoying the time with family I am so ready to go home to my own bed.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Blah Days

I've been having too many of them lately.  Days where I don't want to do anything and so I just vegetate and stew over the facts of my life.  Really it is not bad, I have it pretty good right now, and yet I miss the me I used to be.  Energized, motivated, driven, ambitious, although I do not have the energy to be any of those things right now.

So.... bump on a log it is.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Places I have been in the USA

Looks like I only have a few places left to visit in the US - have also been to Canada, The Bahamas and Bermuda.  :) 

Places I have Been
Make yours @
Make yours @

Time Management Skills

I used to be great at time management.  I was able to crank out incredible amounts of work in short periods of time.  I could do 5 things at once and do them well.  I kept multiple plates spinning, all my balls in the air and had time to spare.  When I had a full time job, hobbies, friends, a house, a husband and a life somehow I managed it all and never felt overwhelmed.

These days?  I am completely and totally ineffective at everything it seems.  I have multiple customer website projects going and they are all behind schedule.  I can barely drag myself out to sell the ads for my part time contract job.  My desk is a mess, my house is a mess, I feel overwhelmed that I can't possibly do it all.

What has changed?  Theoretically I should have no trouble getting all of this done in the time I have available and yet sometimes whole days go by when I accomplish nothing.

Take today for example.  It's 9:15am and I'm in PJ's still and have done nothing productive.  I have 2 websites to work on and a whole slew of ad's to call about or actually go visit customers.  I could clean my house, mow the yard one last time, do laundry, do dishes.  What am I doing?  Writing a blog, surfing facebook, and watching old episodes of FRINGE on netflix and telling myself I'll get to the other stuff later.

I have lost my motivation which makes my time management skills suck royally.  Maybe I'm depressed?  Or maybe I'm just lazy.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Skyfall - my new obsession with Adele

I am more than a little obsessed with Adele these days, I have heard some of her music of course (would have to live under a rock to not hear some of it.) but this song is AMAZING and I am in awe.