Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Giving up...

One of the things that drives me nuts is that my husband gives up on things too easily. A recent example of this is bowling.

He used to be very good at bowling, he had this sort of running approach, where he threw the ball so it just skimmed the right gutter and then hooked back in to make a killer strike much of the time. The MS has taken many things from him, he no longer has the strength or stability in his legs to even attempt to throw the ball this way. So for years he has just not bothered to bowl.

Last Saturday night one of our dear friends had a bowling birthday party for herself - it was great fun. We got there very late as I was working at the restaurant but to my surprise my husband wanted to bowl. (and to my disgust he had gone out that day and bought new bowling shoes cause he couldn't find his old ones - more on that later)

As I said we got there late - he got added to one of the lanes but they shut us down before he got to bowl more than 3 frames (yeah $50 shoes for 3 frames of bowling). For those 3 frames he attempted to use his old approach style and nearly fell over, he threw gutter balls, he was mortified. I think he was glad the game got called early.

So the next day we are out and decide to eat lunch at our local bowling alley - I suggest we should try to bowl a few games where he has no audience and can work on adapting his methods to bowl without using his legs so heavily. He was discouraged, got nasty with me when I made suggestions because I suck at bowling and who am I to tell him what to do, etc.

I think he needs to walk up to the line, and learn to use his arms and upper body to throw the ball, probably can't do the crazy hook thing and just throw it straight into the pocket. He keeps trying to throw the crazy hook and at least 50% of the time he lands it in the gutter.

I say that someone who hasn't bowled in 15 years MS or not can't expect to pick right up where he left off. Yeah that didn't go over well either.

So I doubt he'll go do it again, even though I think he could learn how to bowl well again if he would just try to adapt. He is discouraged because he sucked and probably won't try again.

Which leads me to - he knew he can hardly walk and would probably suck at it - and he couldn't just wear rental shoes for one night? REALLY? I mean we're broke and he spends $50 on shoes he wore for a grand total of an hour and it looks like he'll never try again.

The whole darned thing annoys me. GRRRR

Monday, April 12, 2010

trying to heal the brokenness inside...

I heard this song for the first time yesterday:

I cried.

Then I came home and was filing my unemployment claim for the week and realized that I don't fall into all that emergency UI that others get for up to 99 weeks. 46 weeks is it for me, unless they make further extensions I will be done with unemployment in the end of May. I'm terrified - what will I do after that?

I suppose getting a job is the obvious choice, but then how will my husband get to his VA appointments? Who will make sure he's eating lunch, not doing crazy things? The bottom line is I just don't want to go back to full time work but unless one or both of my husbands open claims gets settled in his favor we cannot possibly afford for me to not work full time. :( The idea of going back to my career is not exciting, it's terrifying. I just don't want to do it anymore, don't want to get up early and drive to a job that I just have no passion for. Let's face it I don't have passion for anything right now.

I need to do something to try and heal this brokenness inside me, and yet I don't know where to start.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Spring is here...

The weather outside is beautiful, getting warmer heading toward a killer weekend. It's Easter weekend and we have no plans, nothing to do with anyone, family is all out of town. Not sure what we'll do - I'd say relax but we've been doing a bit too much of that lately.

Maybe we'll go out to dinner and take in a museum or a movie or something.

In other news still have not completed my taxes. I just don't feel up to it and I now have 14 days left to finish. I am getting a rather large refund, but I can't spend it - it has to go to the roof.

I am still addicted to WoW and playing regularly- up to level 50 on my main character.

I found out a friend of mine got a job that I was heavily recruited for. Makes me think it could have been mine if only I'd just snapped my fingers. Problem was it's an hour and 20 drive and I just DON'T want to go that far to then work 50 hours a week on top of it so I declined to interview. Good for her, I should be happy for her. I'm having a hard time mustering the happiness.

I bought a choker collar for my dog - I will teach him to walk on a leash like a properly trained dog if it kills both of us. So far he's getting it much faster now. Tip for dog training: teach them to walk nice on a leash before they weigh 110 pounds!

That's about it - just kinda blah even though the weather is turning around. Need to try and work on that.