Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Giving up...

One of the things that drives me nuts is that my husband gives up on things too easily. A recent example of this is bowling.

He used to be very good at bowling, he had this sort of running approach, where he threw the ball so it just skimmed the right gutter and then hooked back in to make a killer strike much of the time. The MS has taken many things from him, he no longer has the strength or stability in his legs to even attempt to throw the ball this way. So for years he has just not bothered to bowl.

Last Saturday night one of our dear friends had a bowling birthday party for herself - it was great fun. We got there very late as I was working at the restaurant but to my surprise my husband wanted to bowl. (and to my disgust he had gone out that day and bought new bowling shoes cause he couldn't find his old ones - more on that later)

As I said we got there late - he got added to one of the lanes but they shut us down before he got to bowl more than 3 frames (yeah $50 shoes for 3 frames of bowling). For those 3 frames he attempted to use his old approach style and nearly fell over, he threw gutter balls, he was mortified. I think he was glad the game got called early.

So the next day we are out and decide to eat lunch at our local bowling alley - I suggest we should try to bowl a few games where he has no audience and can work on adapting his methods to bowl without using his legs so heavily. He was discouraged, got nasty with me when I made suggestions because I suck at bowling and who am I to tell him what to do, etc.

I think he needs to walk up to the line, and learn to use his arms and upper body to throw the ball, probably can't do the crazy hook thing and just throw it straight into the pocket. He keeps trying to throw the crazy hook and at least 50% of the time he lands it in the gutter.

I say that someone who hasn't bowled in 15 years MS or not can't expect to pick right up where he left off. Yeah that didn't go over well either.

So I doubt he'll go do it again, even though I think he could learn how to bowl well again if he would just try to adapt. He is discouraged because he sucked and probably won't try again.

Which leads me to - he knew he can hardly walk and would probably suck at it - and he couldn't just wear rental shoes for one night? REALLY? I mean we're broke and he spends $50 on shoes he wore for a grand total of an hour and it looks like he'll never try again.

The whole darned thing annoys me. GRRRR


Jennifer Leeland said...

Man, I can see why that would be annoying.
Hang in there. You, at least, haven't given up.

verybadcat said...

yeah, i would have been irritated as all hell about the shoes, at least.


Layne said...

I think it's probably yet another attempt for him to show to himself that he's not nearly as handicapped as he knows he really is. My dad continues to buy all sorts of farm equipment (tractors, pieces of equipment that goes on them, etc.) and he can barely walk out to the field to look at them, much less actually get on them and use them. I think he's doing the same thing- trying to convince himself he's not as bad off as he really is. It's sad and frustrating for those around to see them trying to do things they can no longer do, but I think it's just a part of the coping mechanism we all have and just use differently.

Any way you can return the shoes?

K13 said...

I'm certain that I would be annoyed too. Sorry! Hang in there!

gpc said...

I have a friend who used to be a college professor and now is going into debt buying books and magazine subscriptions that he can't read because he is now legally blind. Denial is a powerful force. And very frustrating for those of us who are working so hard at being realistic.