Monday, April 12, 2010

trying to heal the brokenness inside...

I heard this song for the first time yesterday:



I cried.

Then I came home and was filing my unemployment claim for the week and realized that I don't fall into all that emergency UI that others get for up to 99 weeks. 46 weeks is it for me, unless they make further extensions I will be done with unemployment in the end of May. I'm terrified - what will I do after that?

I suppose getting a job is the obvious choice, but then how will my husband get to his VA appointments? Who will make sure he's eating lunch, not doing crazy things? The bottom line is I just don't want to go back to full time work but unless one or both of my husbands open claims gets settled in his favor we cannot possibly afford for me to not work full time. :( The idea of going back to my career is not exciting, it's terrifying. I just don't want to do it anymore, don't want to get up early and drive to a job that I just have no passion for. Let's face it I don't have passion for anything right now.

I need to do something to try and heal this brokenness inside me, and yet I don't know where to start.

6 comments:

K13 said...

I'm sorry.

I have no answers for you, but I can empathize with you since I feel pretty much the same way.

verybadcat said...

oh, honey. i love you.

gpc said...

Many of us, for our different reasons, can chart our lives by all the experiences that killed the person we had hoped to be. I hope you find something to feel passionate about or at least, like I have, that you fight your way to contentment. There will be many good days ahead, but I know it is very hard to give up who you were, and who you wanted to be. I'm so sorry.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I am in the same boat. I need a job and can't find one but am terrified to leave him alone and can't afford to leave him anywhere or have someone watch him. My hole is getting deeper and deeper and I totally sympathize.

Jennifer Leeland said...

*big hugs*
I wish I could do more.....

wsxwhx698 said...
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