Do you believe in angels?

I definitely do but tonight I got to experience my guardian angel in action.  I think she came with my car.  :)  My car used to belong to my mother in law.  Very randomly and even when they are turned off my cars windshield wipers will just wave at me one time.  I always say "Hi Mom" when it happens.  I know it's a little crazy but it feels right.

Tonight I lost control of my car on a very slick hill and ran into an embankment and then bounced around doing a 180 and landing almost laying on my side in a ditch.

I unhooked my seat belt and fell into the passenger seat and then searched for my phone which had gone flying with all the impacts.  I called my husband and said "babe - I think I need a new car".

I had hit HARD and spun around and hit HARD again.  I was a little shook up but experiencing an adrenaline rush so I called Pete, called 911, then called roadside assistance for a tow truck.  I told the tow truck driver that he better bring a flat bed cause I didn't know if it was going to be able to tow on the road.

Then I sat and waited, and waited and waited.  45 minutes later the state police showed up.  He was super nice and did not give me a ticket for driving too fast for road conditions.  Several nice people had stopped to help right after it happened too, one a first responder wanted to take my vitals but I was fine.

Shocked really but I floated through that accident as if in a big bubble.  I didn't get banged up or whipped around at all.  I felt like I was wrapped in bubble wrap or packed in cotton and I know what that accident should have felt like as I've had similar ones before.

When they towed my car out of the ditch to my utter disbelief and complete AWE, the only visible damage was the front bumper loose on the edges and turned slightly down.  The entire passenger side of my vehicle had been down in a ditch up against an embankment and I hit HARD.  Not a scratch.

So far from needing a new car I might need a new bumper.  Or maybe that one just has to be put back in it's place?

I definitely believe a little more strongly in protection from angels tonight. And whether my guardian angel is my mother in law or just some poor random angel assigned to me I feel blessed.

It was an up and down kinda week...

I started my new job on Wed - UP, but my husband didn't get to to go his adaptive sports lunch because it was on Wed and he decided not to drive himself - DOWN (good he didn't drive himself but sad I couldn't take him).

On Thursday - Day 2 of the new job and only a 5 hour day - UP, after a nap went to restaurant for shift and had a great night - UP. Friday at 6:30am alarm ringing - DOWN!

Husband scheduled an appointment on Thursday next week which is not a day I can manage to take off work so I arrange for my parents to take him. He pitches a royal fit about not wanting to be dependent on my parents for anything. I tell him he's an ass and then tell my parents I may not need them as I want to go with and am going to try and reschedule his appointment. But I can't -so Friday my husband concedes that when the appointment can't be moved he can let my parents drive him.

Friday night at the restaurant - sucky. DOWN :(

Saturday - spent the evening with my nephews - they are so cute and happy and full of life - BIG UP!

Sunday - slept in, laundry, made beef stew - UP. Felix the cat is sick - poor Felix - DOWN.

Starting week 2 of the new job tomorrow and now I'm on my own - so time to show what I can do. UP!

Well I've arrived...

I've joined the over forty crowd. It's not so bad, I don't feel any different, don't look any different. I find I don't mind at all. :)

I threw a party on Saturday - a rain drenched BBQ that ended up in my garage BUT it was a great time with family and friends.

And now that the preparations are over and the clean-up is getting there, I find that 40 is no different than 30. Not quite ready to say "bring on 50 though" not at all! :) I plan to enjoy this decade!

My Christmas Tree is still up...

Normally I take it down on New Years Day or maybe the day after that. This is a small tree this year, won't take much time to take it down and yet I hesitate to do it. I realized why today.

Last year on the day I took my tree down my sweet cat Anni died. She was sleeping under the tree as I took it down and she came crawling out and literally started dying in front of me.

I have a 21 year old cat that looks like death warmed over. I think in the back of my mind I'm afraid that if I take the tree down he will just keel over like my poor Anni did last year.

This is a ridiculous fear, the cat is 21 years old and I think he's ready to go. I'm mostly ready for him to go, but I guess not as ready as I thought. :(

Here is Mike - my tree stays up in hopes that he can live a few more days...

More things to be thankful for...

Unlike my last post this one really is more about things I am truly thankful for!

I am thankful for old friends!

• The ones that have been around for 20+ years, the ones that just love me for who I am, the ones that have watched me make mistakes, listened to me cry, given me advice, never judged me for those mistakes, always accepted me for who I am. These are the friends who you can count on, the ones that will tell you the truth even when it hurts and yet never hold it against you. We laugh together, have cried together, have prayed together, have grown up together, have grown together. Yes you know who you are - and I am so thankful for YOU!

I am thankful for close friends!

• I have a handful of these, some I have known for many years, others only a few, some I have only known through the internet and yet I have shared with them some of my deepest secrets and darkest thoughts. One in particular has helped me remain sane through this very crazy year and I hope I have done the same for her. I hope she knows who she is - meow.
  

I am thankful for new friends!

• I have a new friend, she is much younger than me and yet she teaches me about the kind of person I want to be. She is kind, loving, intelligent. She follows her dreams, she inspires me. I feel honored that she has chosen me to be her friend. She is not yet privy to my blog but I would be remiss if I didn't mention her.

I am thankful for my sister!

• As kids we fought like cats and dogs (well maybe worse than cats and dogs? for the most part my cats and dog live in relative harmony) but as adults we are true friends. I would do anything for her and I know she would do anything for me. I enjoy spending time with her, I trust her with my secrets, I admire her patience and love with her children. My sister is a special person.
  

I am thankful for my parents!

• Both my parents are here and help out, they will do anything I need them to do and I try not to take too much advantage of that. Especially my dad - he is a worker and he has worked for me a lot. I don't know how we would get the things we need done around here done without my dad. My husband wants to move and honestly living in town would make more sense BUT I would hate to move away from my parents - it is so nice to have my dad so close (just a mile up the road).

And even when he is a big ole pain in the butt - I am thankful for my husband. I didn't get the life, the marriage, the dreams that I thought I wanted but I still can't imagine my life without him. He makes me laugh, he keeps me warm at night, he tells me he is proud of me, he loves me for me.

So there - my obligatory Thanksgiving post - but from the heart! :)

As Thanksgiving Approaches...

It's been a rough year here, not much has gone right. The early part of 2009 consisted of my husband going on job interviews and me listening to the after story realizing that he was probably not going to get any of these jobs, or any job again EVER because he just didn't have the capacity that he used to have. Physically he's weak, mentally he's unstable and unpredictable. In March I started researching SSDI thinking it was time to apply and my research led me to the fact that as former air force he was entitled to VA Disability which kicks SSDI's ass. So we started the process in March and submitted his application in April. With high hopes we waited, and waited, and waited, and are still waiting 8 months later. My high hopes are now tempered with a great deal of impatience and aggravation! GRRR BUT the bottom line is he will be approved, it is a cut and dried case so whenever it is finally decided we will get a giant check to pay us back to April and ongoing monthly payments for the rest of his life. This is something to be thankful for, it will save us financially. I just wish it would hurry up.

To add to the rough year - on June 30th I lost my job. This was a bit of a blow to my ego. It was HUGE blow to our financial status. But things that make me thankful - the temporary reduction of COBRA payments to 35% allowing us to keep our much needed health insurance without going into debt to do it. Unemployment - it's not much but it pays the cars and the utilities. We had savings - sure it was earmarked for retirement but it is more important to keep afloat now than to retire later, and we already know my husband will receive a monthly payment until he dies - so he doesn't really need retirement accounts. We could last another year and a half at least as we are if I dip into mine too. It won't come to that - the VA can't take that long, can they?

The upside to me losing my job - well I hated the job and the commute so wasn't really happy go lucky suzy sunshine while working there. In retrospect it was a mistake to take the job and make the change. I liked what I did in the job I had before that, loved it. There were frustrations but I LOVED the work. Also I was someone there, I was respected, I made decisions, I was important. When I changed to the hated job - I was no one, I was a peon, I was a cog in a machine. I hated it. The additional $16,000 a year I made by switching turned out to not be nearly enough for what I was giving up. :( Oh so this was about upside - well I realized it will take more than a big paycheck to make me like a job, and I got to spend a great deal of my summer with my nephews and let me tell you walking into a room to watch this little face light up with joy at my presence? Well it's something special! I have learned that despite what I always thought I really am not a tough, hard driving career woman. The more I think about the future the more I think I want a part time job, something that will give me purpose, and hopefully health insurance! Something that can be flexible and allow me to be there to take my husband to doctor visits, physical therapy, psychologist visits and more. As he continues to decline - more and more he is going to become my job. It's a sad reality for us - but as I embrace it I realize that for the past 4 months I have not missed the corporate BS at all, I have enjoyed sleeping until 8 most mornings, and I love having time - to take a walk, to go have lunch with a friend, to spend with my nephews, to spend with my husband, to play with my dog. Time is precious and I don't want to spend 50+ hours a week doing something I hate just for a paycheck. This is a discovery I am truly thankful for.

I think maybe after all these years I'm starting to find the real me in there somewhere.

And plans change again...

My aunt has postponed her trip because her dog has an eye infection and needs 3X a day meds and has to wear a cone collar and so can't use her doggy door so someone will have to be there to let her out, also has to go back to the vet on Wed and my aunt felt this was too much to ask of a dog sitter and so she changed her flights and will be coming for Thanksgiving instead.

This means that the 8 days that my husband will be gone to visit his friends are once again ALL MINE! No house guest, as much as I'd like to see her I really am looking forward to some blissful alone time and now I get it again! WOOT!

Kinda down these days...

My husband has been getting more and more depressed. He refuses to go to counseling because of our financial situation. Weekly visits at $25 a pop would really cut into his ever increasing cigarette budget (grrrrr) oh and his fast food budget too. He says once his VA medical comes through he will see about possibly seeing someone through the VA. We'll see.

His depression causes him to be extremely moody. He and I can go days without saying more than a few words to each other sometimes. He gets nasty at the drop of a hat. He spends hours each day on the phone with his annoying ADD best friend from Oklahoma. Sex? What's that? He's dragging me down, the fact that I'm not working and stuck here with him 24/7 for the most part is not helping. Everything he does lately makes me irritable and I want to lash out. I bite my tongue and bite it and bite it some more, soon I won't have a tongue.

Tomorrow is his birthday. He wants to go to Outback Steakhouse, so despite the fact that we have no income and it's not a smart thing to do we will go. And also a really not smart thing but something I had to do for my sanity - I bought him a ticket to go to Oklahoma for 8 days to hang with his BFF and give me some freedom and peace.

BUT - the time he is gone my mom's older sister is here visiting. A week before she comes my mom is having her knee replaced, she will not be up for entertaining guests but her sister insisted on coming anyway. I had offered to let her stay with us but she declined. Then she found out Pete was going to be gone and changed her mind. So the entire 8 days that he will gone I will have a house guest. And not just any house guest but my mom's somewhat overbearing older sister who is a control freak. This is the woman that sends me helpful emails as if she has forgotten that I am a nearly 40 year old woman and not an 18 year old kid without a clue. I tend to ignore those but will be much harder when she's sitting in my living room giving me the advice she loves to dole out.

So I think I've decided that to preserve my sanity I am going to take my BFF up on her offer to join her and her husband and some of their other friends in Ft. Myers, FL at the end of the month. For the price of a plane ticket I can have 6 days in a condo with private beach access in Bonita Springs. She and her husband have issues too so when I asked if coming without Pete would be awkward, i.e. the 5th wheel, she said no that it would be just me and her and her husband could go eat sea shells! So yes another really irresponsible decision for someone who is living on unemployment - but I will spend the $290 needed to fly there and I will not feel guilty about preserving my sanity.

Monday...

So today begins my 3rd full week not working. The first week I relaxed, took the dog for walks, watched TV, slept a lot. The 2nd week I babysat for my nephews - more work than work ever was and they wore me out but I had a great time too and how could I not when seeing this face every day:So this week will be a busy one - today I have a list of chores to accomplish:

1. Clean the cat litter boxes
2. Take out the trash
3. Do 4-5 loads of laundry
4. Clean the kitchen
5. Clean the living room (including behind and under the sofa where one of my cats found a mouse yesterday! EEEEEK)
6. Vacuum the entire house

Tomorrow I have more chores:

1. Get the tires rotated on my SUV
2. Get the oil changed on my SUV
3. Go to petsmart for more cat food and cat litter
4. Take hubby for his Tysabri infusion at 1pm
5. Pack up everything needed for trip to Ohio on Wednesday

Then Wednesday we will be up early, driving to Ohio. It's about 8 hours to where we are going. Thursday will be spent with two of my best friends and my hubby and we will be pretending to be young and adventurous at Cedar Point. Friday starts my husband's 25th class reunion - there will be drinking on Friday night. Saturday is my mother-in-law's 70th birthday party during the afternoon and then the big event for hubby's reunion in the evening. Sunday is recovery day. Monday we drive home.

So I'm going to be working hard this week too - but in preparation for some fun times.

Not cut out for the mommy gig...

I spent today with my nephews - the oldest is nearly 6, the younger is 21 months. To say these boys wore me out today would be an understatement!

We started out with breakfast - Cheerios EVERYWHERE is a good description. Then we got dressed and watched some Baby Einstein. Then outside we went for some good yard play and swinging. Back in to pack a lunch and take the oldest to swimming lessons, then an hour and a half in the play park trying to get them to eat lunch. 1pm open swim at the pool and I FROZE while they played in the water. The older had a few whiney fits - the younger learned how to say whiney - love the way he copies everything I say! LOL Luckily I didn't say something I wouldn't want his mom to know I said! LOL

To prove how bad I am at the mommy gig - I forgot to bring a clean diaper for the younger one so we had to drive home with his wet swim diaper still on. Then I also forgot the older one's dry shorts and undies so he also drove home in wet shorts. Yep I am the model aunt, but not such a good mommy.

Baby took a nice nap but then woke up screaming. He was super snuggly and clingy for the next hour which was actually pretty nice - nothing sweeter than a baby snuggling up to you.

So I'll be trying to do this again tomorrow, and Thursday, and Friday.

Finally a Glorious Summer Day!

It's been far to cold, wet, raining, etc here for it to really feel like summer but finally today it was mid 70's, sunny, slight breeze, just beautiful!

I have the doors and windows open to let in fresh air and bird chirping noises (not the actual chirping birds thankfully) and spent 3 hours mowing the lawn getting some sun on my shoulders and wind in my hair!

Now I've got the smell of Manicotti baking in the oven tempting me with delicious fragrances! I finally made the homemade shells in this recipe: Truly Homemade Manicotti and the cheese mixture from my mom's lasagna recipe that I really need to put up.

Hope everyone is enjoying their July 4th weekend! We spent the day yesterday with my sister and her family and the evening with them and some of their friends who graciously invited us to join their family celebration. They had lots of really big fireworks and put on a better show than most villages around here. Truly spectacular and we had a very nice time.

Where I get my childish ways...

This is my dad - he is 62 years old and last week he was having a blast riding a merry-go-round. I take after him in most ways - my tendency to worry too much, my tendency to shoot off at the mouth, my tendency to feel insecure and insignificant, but also the good things, my sense of humor and my ability to have fun anywhere I go.

I know Father's Day is a few weeks away still but I got this picture tonight and I just wanted to share my daddy's fun picture!

Happy Memories...

These are lilacs a whole flower bed full of them and they are blooming pretty purple and cheery. These lilacs make me happy and bring back memories of my childhood.

When I was very young and my great grandfather was still alive (he died when I was 8 and in 3rd grade) I used to spend a great deal of time at my great grampy's house, he had this fabulous garden across the street from his house with a lily pond that was normally empty and my little sister, my cousin E and I would run down one side and up the other and sing childhood songs and laugh and play. There was a small grove of apple trees and we loved to climb them, and fell out of them sometimes too but we all survived unscathed. There was row upon row of Christmas trees in the back and we would play hide and seek in there for hours.

In that garden were giant round beds filled with lilacs and I remember how pretty they were. Well my great grampy died in the fall of 1978 and his son my grandfather kept the house for another 6 years or so before he sold it, he came up on weekends and while the place didn't seem quite as magical I always loved visiting there. When my grandfather sold the house my mom transplanted some of the lilacs into a ditch area at her house where the continued to multiply until 2 years ago when they decided to thin them out and gave me a whole bunch of them. I planted them in the fall of 2007 and had hoped for pretty purple flowers last summer but only got a bunch of green leaves. This spring they started blooming.

It makes me smile and if I wasn't suffering from the croupy cough (also reminiscent of childhood) it would make me want to run and play and sing songs like ring around the rosie. Maybe I'll bring my 5 year old nephew over this weekend and run and play and sing with him. My great grandfather has been gone for over 30 years but this week I remember him vividly.

Weekend Update with Norm....

Okay so no Norm McDonald and this isn't really a funny update anyway.

Saturday morning started for me at 3:45am with the alarm ringing. I am so not a morning person and the wee hours are the worst but I get up and get in the shower and start to feel somewhat human again. I get dressed, get the hair some what presentable and throw my contacts and makeup in my purse for later. The animals get fed, the dog is out for the day in his kennel and I'm only 5 minutes late picking up my dad who will drive my car back home from the airport.

Get to the airport with 30 minutes to wait before we start boarding the plane - it's Southwest and I'm in the B group so no real hurry there - I head to McDonald's for some good greasy food to wake me up even more. Sausage Egg & Cheese McGriddle with a hash brown and a diet coke - probably the worst possible breakfast but hey at least I'm not hungry anymore and there really aren't any other choices in Albany Airport at 5:45am.

Flight #1 takes off - uneventful ride to Baltimore, I get some sleep on the journey but not much. We arrive early so my 1 hour layover becomes 1 hour and 10 minutes. I find a bathroom and put in the contacts, put on the make-up to look somewhat human. It's been 2.5 hours since the McD's greasefest and I'm bored so why not get a bagel and cream cheese? I mean really, why not? LOL It wasn't worth eating so after a few bites I gave up.

Flight #2 takes off - very short ride to Pittsburgh, I was in the A group for boarding here and sat in the very front row. We landed early and I rushed off the plane and to the baggage claim area to find my husband and his aunt (not the one who ratted me out to MIL) waiting. It's 10am now.

We drive the hour and 20 minutes back to Small Town, USA and I plan to just drop off the aunt and hit the road but they HAVE to feed us lunch before we go HAVE TO. I don't argue, it's just not worth it and we do have to eat. Say goodbye to the aunt who drove him to airport, and also go to say goodbye to other aunt and uncle who are strangely cold to me. So we finally got on the road about 12:30.

Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive. Hubby says he was surprised at how cold his aunt and uncle seemed to me. I keep quiet. Then he mentions how his mom called him on Friday and gushed about how much she loved her DIL (me) . I can't hold back anymore and ask him WHEN did his mom call him? It was after she called me. I told him why aunt M and uncle A were being cold. I told him that his mom had called and yelled at me and then told me NOT to tell him. I told him I didn't want to keep secrets from him (although I totally do keep some secrets just not this one). He was angry that his mom yelled at me and angry that she seems to think he isn't capable of doing anything on his own.

We arrived home around 8pm on Saturday.

My assessment? The old folks in Small Town, USA over-reacted. Hubby was tired out and walking worse than usual BUT it's not an MS attack and he is already rebounding. All he needed was to sit down for awhile and rest. If he'd spent a day doing nothing but resting he'd have been fine to drive himself home. He's fine today. On Sunday he put the batteries back in the riding mowers and got them started after sitting all winter. He is not any worse than last Sunday before he left.

All is normal in my world. The thing with my MIL will blow over I'm sure, I won't mention it again. The thing with the aunt and uncle, well if they continue to hold this against me it only hurts them, I couldn't care less.

So back to work - another week.

Sunday Ramblings...

This post is likely to be all over the place as my thoughts are a bit jumbled this morning but I feel compelled to share.

Friday night a 27 year old woman told me she couldn't believe I was almost 39 and that I looked younger than she did. This made me feel very good. Lately I've been feeling my age and just freaking out in general over turning 39 so her comment made me feel good about myself.

Saturday we searched through folders of USAF paperwork - all Pete's records - looking for his DD214 (discharge paperwork) which we found. But also found one of his folders is complete medical records showing a history of him complaining about MS like symptoms through his entire Air Force career. He had a very hard time in the heat during basic training, it drained him, fatigued him, gave him horrible migraine-like symptoms. Could this have been the beginning of the MS? Perhaps? We also found the record when 1/2 of his face went numb and the diagnosis was sinusitis? Seriously I have sinusitis all the time and my face never goes numb. It seems with how often he was complaining of severe headaches they would have at least done a CT scan but never - they gave him motrin and sent him home.

Saturday night was a big night for my husband - he was confirmed as a catholic during the vigil mass. He grew up catholic but his dad didn't make him finish religious education and so he was never confirmed as a teen like most catholics. He decided about 4 months ago that he wanted to do this and so we started attending church regularly and he started meeting with the priest once a week to learn and discuss. This has been a wonderful boost for him, the meetings with the priest have been like free therapy and he has become a kinder and gentler person through this process. Now he still has that crazy italian temper but it is a bit more under control.

My husband invited my parents and my sister to his confirmation. My sister is fairly non-judgmental but my parents are die hard baptists. Baptists typically judge all the time. I found myself not enjoying the service because every phase of the way I was thinking about what they were probably thinking. I know they were surprised (and probably not pleased) to see me singing with the worship group. It was my first week and I LOVE singing so was so pleased to be asked to join them. I felt my dad's eyes on me the entire time and I could almost hear his thoughts "why is she singing here instead of coming back OUR church". My parents are sure that I will be converting to catholicism any day now but I told them I would not be converting and they look unconvinced.

My husband wants me to convert in the worst way. He asks all the time. I say no all the time. He has his own brand of judgmental - tells me that my parents church isn't really church. I fight him over this. Thankfully when he said it last night our friend was in the car with us (she stood up for him at the confirmation) and she said "that's not fair - of course it's church - it's not mass but it's still church and it's not right to tell people their church isn't church." His argument is that to him it's not - well fine but don't just make blanket judgments as if you are the only one who could possibly judge what is or isn't church. He gets mad at me when I yell at him for saying that and was getting annoyed with me but our friend who is also catholic totally had my back and told him he was WRONG. He didn't like that much.

Today the priest is coming to our house for dinner at 2pm. So I need to straighten up a little, clean a little, and cook a lot. Long day ahead I fear.

My Grammy was the Best!

She's been gone since the summer of 1993 - a very long 16 years but I was telling my friend VBC a story about her and her dogs today and it made me think of her. So I wanted to share a little bit about my feisty Irish grandma!

I called her Grammy - there were 19 of us grandchildren and we all called her that. She and my Grampy lived in a single wide trailer in a local trailer park when I was a kid - they sold their house to my mom and dad in 1969 and moved to the trailer park for their retirement years.

My grandmother continued to work for another decade or so as the cafeteria lady at the local hospital. Everyone there knew and loved her. Her name was Beulah but everyone called her Boots. I don't know the story behind the nickname Boots and always wished I did. One of my shocks as a kid was finding a picture of my Grammy in her 20's with a baby on her hip and a cig dangling from her lips! LOL

Grammy had a string of little black chihuahua's one right after the other and they all had the same name - Bimbo! I was probably 13 before I knew that was a humorous name for a dog and what it really meant. Those little dogs hated kids - so it's a good thing there were 19 of us! LOL

Grammy was a great baker - she had so many great recipes for cookies and cakes and treats. We would go visit her once a week on either Friday or Saturday night and she usually had fresh baked goodies. But sometimes she'd pull out a package of Archway cookies and tell us "Grampy baked this week" because she didn't have time and he ran up to the grocery store for cookies for the Sat night visits.

When my family was in a crisis and I wasn't sure my parents would survive together I was afraid a lot. I had a recurring dream that I was being chased by a huge angry gorilla and it was trying to hit me with a cast iron griddle. I know this doesn't sound super scary but when you're only 8 or 9 it's traumatic (enough that I remember it 30 years later?) and in my dream I was always trying to get to Grammy's house, I knew if I could just get there she'd save me. She was my happy place in those dark days. Thankfully my parens survived and even thrived but that's another story for another day.

While I was in college I brought a group of friends home one weekend and we were all gathered around watching Dirty Dancing and my Grammy stopped by for a visit and she watched with us girls. Now her kids were teens in the 50's and 60's so she wasn't exactly in tune but my friends all loved her for trying when she announced "That Patrick Swazye is DREAMY!" LOL

I think I was still in college when she brought a cake to my mom and dad's for dinner one night and pronounced it "Better than Sex" Chocolate Cake and then muttered under her breath "it wouldn't take much..." and I nearly choked on the laughs I couldn't stop from coming. Sad though that apparently for her sex could be replaced with a chocolate cake even if it wasn't the best ever.

And while she was in the hospital in her final days and getting more and more morphine for the pain, a bunch of my cousins and I all showed up to visit her on a rainy summer afternoon. We had all been there off and on for days visiting whenever we could, but this day we were all together and my sweet Grammy said "it must be cold out today, all you girls are wearing shirts!" We all laughed and took turns hugging her and Grammy and her girls shared a last good laugh. She died later that week and left a hole in all our lives that can never really be filled.

Introducing Maggie...

Maggie is a 4 month old Black Lab pup that was turned in to our local shelter on Saturday. We fell in love with the face (how could you not?) and she will be coming to live with us next week about 2 days after she gets spayed. NY State law states that a dog over the age of 4 months must be spayed or neutered before leaving the shelter. She's a little young - our vet won't do it until 6 months BUT it will be better for our financial situation to have her spayed before we get her as our vet charges about $200 for the procedure and the shelter includes it with the $90 adoption fee. All good!

So here is another sweet picture of my newest love:

Unequally yoked...

Hey ya'll (trying out my southern tone today)!

My title, Unequally yoked, is a phrase I heard a lot as a child/teen/early twenty something because I grew up in the Baptist church and it was considered a crime of the highest degree to date or marry someone who was not the same faith as you. I have to say I searched for a good Baptist boy but they were all dating the wild girls and not interested in the likes of me. I spent a lot of time being single and alone. I did finally meet a nice guy at church and my parents approved and things were going well - we went out on several dates when I was 23 years old and I thought he was super nice. Then he just dropped off the face of my world - no sorry, no call, no nothing, just complete and utter avoidance. He stopped coming to church and ended up with one of them there wild women who "put out" or so I heard! He should have stuck around a year later I was one of those wild women myself! LOL

So I gave up on finding a nice guy at church and the next guy I dated seriously was catholic (just a tiny step up from a heathen of maybe down? in the Baptist world) and my parents were horrified of course. Then when I moved in with him they begged me to marry Mr. Wrong just so I wouldn't be living in sin. I totally ignored that request and threw him back out of my apartment after a few months.

Then I moved to Ohio, again searched churches for nice guys (bigger pool out there) but had no real luck. Made some great friends but no one to date. I met my next boyfriend in a bar (gasp) but surprisingly he was a Baptist too, a divorced baptist with 2 kids and again my parents were horrified. After this good Baptist boy cheated on me with a girl from work and broke my heart I was pretty much done with Baptist boys.

Enter my husband - catholic by upbringing but pretty much free of religion as far as I could tell. We got married in a Methodist church because he didn't want to do all the things necessary to get married catholic and well there wasn't any Baptist minister willing to perform the ceremony to "unequally yoke" me to an unbeliever. The Methodists were fine with marrying us as long as we paid the rental fee for the church! LOL

So fast forward to today - married 8 years, fairly happy much of the time, haven't really attended any church (other than holidays) for 10 years. This past Christmas Eve I suggested to my husband as we were leaving midnight mass that maybe we should start going to mass weekly. I don't want to become catholic BUT I do find the services comforting, meaningful, moving and I can talk to God as easily there as in a Baptist church and there seems to be much less judging there. So he said he'd like that and we started going weekly. Add to this that he has decided after all these years that maybe he'd like to be confirmed and is talking to the priest and doing the studies to make that happen. He'll likely be confirmed at Easter this year. He asks me if I'm going to become catholic and I tell him "no, I don't see the need" but I will attend catholic church and worship with them and I'm fine with that.

Yesterday I was telling my parents this. They said "so you're going to become catholic?" and I said NO. So my dad suggests that I should let my husband go to mass alone and I should come to church with them instead. REALLY??? I haven't attended ANY church in 10 years - you'd think they'd see this as a good step but instead they'd rather I attend nowhere than go to mass? And that I should let my husband go to church alone and I should do the same just because there are some minor differences in beliefs?

It really did annoy me and I hope they don't plan to continue to suggest this arrangement. AND no way am I telling my husband of their suggestion as he'd freak out.

Focusing on the Positives...

1. Gas is still under $2 a gallon - I never paid more than $25 to fill my tank during the entire trip to OH and back. It's such a relief.
   
   
2. My husband is still a non-smoker! He spent 4 days with his chain smoking relatives and not only did he not smoke a single cig - he turned into the non-smoker who lectures the smokers on how if he can quit anyone can! :) I'm sure it annoyed them a bit but I LOVED it.
   
   
3. I won $225 in a football pool and can really use the cash so this is good.
   
   
4. I should have my sign-up for Home Interiors Consultant completed today and I can start trying to make a bit of extra cash that way and hopefully be an outlet for my creativity because - really - that side of me is dying in this job.
   
   
5. My husband's class starts in 2 weeks - he is taking Java Programming at a local community college on Monday nights. I hope that he does well. It also means I will have Monday nights to myself which hopefully will be a welcome relief.
   
   
6. Also in 2 weeks - LOST comes back. How I <3 that show! (hey it's the little things)
   
   

I guess that is enough for one day - wouldn't want to overwhelm you all with my cheeriness! ;-)

Christmas is over..

I had a decent day - my spirits are somewhat lifted. I'm looking forward to a new year, a chance to do it right, make some changes, fix some wrongs.

My Christmas gifts included - a Karoke game for the Wii that I had asked for, a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring in white gold, a cook-book, a candle with a lampshade, a gift card to Red Lobster, a game. We had a nice day and here are some pictures that still make me smile: