Sunday, September 20, 2009

Kinda down these days...

My husband has been getting more and more depressed. He refuses to go to counseling because of our financial situation. Weekly visits at $25 a pop would really cut into his ever increasing cigarette budget (grrrrr) oh and his fast food budget too. He says once his VA medical comes through he will see about possibly seeing someone through the VA. We'll see.

His depression causes him to be extremely moody. He and I can go days without saying more than a few words to each other sometimes. He gets nasty at the drop of a hat. He spends hours each day on the phone with his annoying ADD best friend from Oklahoma. Sex? What's that? He's dragging me down, the fact that I'm not working and stuck here with him 24/7 for the most part is not helping. Everything he does lately makes me irritable and I want to lash out. I bite my tongue and bite it and bite it some more, soon I won't have a tongue.

Tomorrow is his birthday. He wants to go to Outback Steakhouse, so despite the fact that we have no income and it's not a smart thing to do we will go. And also a really not smart thing but something I had to do for my sanity - I bought him a ticket to go to Oklahoma for 8 days to hang with his BFF and give me some freedom and peace.

BUT - the time he is gone my mom's older sister is here visiting. A week before she comes my mom is having her knee replaced, she will not be up for entertaining guests but her sister insisted on coming anyway. I had offered to let her stay with us but she declined. Then she found out Pete was going to be gone and changed her mind. So the entire 8 days that he will gone I will have a house guest. And not just any house guest but my mom's somewhat overbearing older sister who is a control freak. This is the woman that sends me helpful emails as if she has forgotten that I am a nearly 40 year old woman and not an 18 year old kid without a clue. I tend to ignore those but will be much harder when she's sitting in my living room giving me the advice she loves to dole out.

So I think I've decided that to preserve my sanity I am going to take my BFF up on her offer to join her and her husband and some of their other friends in Ft. Myers, FL at the end of the month. For the price of a plane ticket I can have 6 days in a condo with private beach access in Bonita Springs. She and her husband have issues too so when I asked if coming without Pete would be awkward, i.e. the 5th wheel, she said no that it would be just me and her and her husband could go eat sea shells! So yes another really irresponsible decision for someone who is living on unemployment - but I will spend the $290 needed to fly there and I will not feel guilty about preserving my sanity.


sunshine said...

I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time of it right now Tricia. :(
Just know that I'm thinking of you and hoping that things change.
I think that the two of you taking seperate vacations is a wonderful idea. It will do you a world of good.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

I completely understand where you're coming from honey.
The thing is that you know you're going to pay the consequences. Being irresponsible would be doing something and then trying to "pass the buck".
Sometimes you have to do these things.
Hang in there and I hope you have a wonderful time with lots of rest.

K13 said...

the value of sanity is much more than $290 so go and enjoy your freedom and time @ the beach.

Lisa Emrich said...

Separate vacations are what keep my grandparents together over the years. It's a smart thing to do.

So sorry to hear that things are so tough right now, especially with you and Pete at home together. I can only imagine how good it felt to plan to his trip to OK, only to have your aunt decide to crash at your place after all. Aargh!!

But your plan B is brilliant. Go have fun and relax.

Meghan said...

Oh UGH on the aunt houseguest infringing on your precious alone time, can't your sister keep her? LOL Sorry, I am so used to not having to deal with much family, I've become very selfish. I am glad you're getting away to FL though. I have two friends who, after being without jobs for a long while, finally got jobs in the last month or so. BOTH of them immediately said "I wish I'd gone away to....", and I have done it before myself years ago when I was without a job temporarily, worried and fretted about every dime, when I'd have regular money again, etc. But, as soon as I got one (which, of COURSE that period would end and I would get one), I immediately wished I'd enjoyed my time off more and traveled a bit more while I could! Based on what you've said about October, I think you will be fine! Go and enjoy!

Tricia said...

Would be nice if my sister could keep her. BUT my sister's household is far to chaotic for my aunt - she has a 2 year old, a 6 year old, a 72 year old blind mentally handicapped man who needs assistance with everything AND a 62 year old mentally handicapped woman who is pretty self sufficient but LOVES to talk your ear off.

And she doesn't have a spare room with all those people living in her house.

My parents also don't have a spare room, just a sofa bed. My aunt had planned to sleep in their motor home but my dad would really like to spend next week winterizing it as he is worried about freezing and would have to heat it if my aunt was going to stay.

So it really does fall to me being the one with the room, the non chaotic house, and not having had surgery recently like my mom will have had.

Yep - I have to keep her and going to make the best of it! LOL