Monday, February 2, 2009

Unequally yoked...

Hey ya'll (trying out my southern tone today)!

My title, Unequally yoked, is a phrase I heard a lot as a child/teen/early twenty something because I grew up in the Baptist church and it was considered a crime of the highest degree to date or marry someone who was not the same faith as you. I have to say I searched for a good Baptist boy but they were all dating the wild girls and not interested in the likes of me. I spent a lot of time being single and alone. I did finally meet a nice guy at church and my parents approved and things were going well - we went out on several dates when I was 23 years old and I thought he was super nice. Then he just dropped off the face of my world - no sorry, no call, no nothing, just complete and utter avoidance. He stopped coming to church and ended up with one of them there wild women who "put out" or so I heard! He should have stuck around a year later I was one of those wild women myself! LOL

So I gave up on finding a nice guy at church and the next guy I dated seriously was catholic (just a tiny step up from a heathen of maybe down? in the Baptist world) and my parents were horrified of course. Then when I moved in with him they begged me to marry Mr. Wrong just so I wouldn't be living in sin. I totally ignored that request and threw him back out of my apartment after a few months.

Then I moved to Ohio, again searched churches for nice guys (bigger pool out there) but had no real luck. Made some great friends but no one to date. I met my next boyfriend in a bar (gasp) but surprisingly he was a Baptist too, a divorced baptist with 2 kids and again my parents were horrified. After this good Baptist boy cheated on me with a girl from work and broke my heart I was pretty much done with Baptist boys.

Enter my husband - catholic by upbringing but pretty much free of religion as far as I could tell. We got married in a Methodist church because he didn't want to do all the things necessary to get married catholic and well there wasn't any Baptist minister willing to perform the ceremony to "unequally yoke" me to an unbeliever. The Methodists were fine with marrying us as long as we paid the rental fee for the church! LOL

So fast forward to today - married 8 years, fairly happy much of the time, haven't really attended any church (other than holidays) for 10 years. This past Christmas Eve I suggested to my husband as we were leaving midnight mass that maybe we should start going to mass weekly. I don't want to become catholic BUT I do find the services comforting, meaningful, moving and I can talk to God as easily there as in a Baptist church and there seems to be much less judging there. So he said he'd like that and we started going weekly. Add to this that he has decided after all these years that maybe he'd like to be confirmed and is talking to the priest and doing the studies to make that happen. He'll likely be confirmed at Easter this year. He asks me if I'm going to become catholic and I tell him "no, I don't see the need" but I will attend catholic church and worship with them and I'm fine with that.

Yesterday I was telling my parents this. They said "so you're going to become catholic?" and I said NO. So my dad suggests that I should let my husband go to mass alone and I should come to church with them instead. REALLY??? I haven't attended ANY church in 10 years - you'd think they'd see this as a good step but instead they'd rather I attend nowhere than go to mass? And that I should let my husband go to church alone and I should do the same just because there are some minor differences in beliefs?

It really did annoy me and I hope they don't plan to continue to suggest this arrangement. AND no way am I telling my husband of their suggestion as he'd freak out.

1 comment:

Lanette said...

I think that is fabulous that you and your husband are going to church together. Worshiping together and taking part in the community of God. I was raised Catholic - School and all and I am a 1/month & holidays Catholic. Tonight, for the first time in months I went to Mass with my husband who is Luthern. It felt good. It was familiar, I feel close to god at Mass. I feel like a connection is open for me there.

I personally, don't think it matters in the end what organized religion you belong too. God isn't going to take the Catholics over the Baptists or vice versa. I think he just wants to be apart of our lives and if we believe and let him in we will lead richer lives.

Great Post! Parents will be Parents, you have to do what is right for you and YOUR family. Not your parents family. I know we are and it's working great!

Peace Be With You,

Lanette