Sunday, March 1, 2009

Not a good day...

Today I cried.

Not because anyone hurt my feelings or pissed me off but because I witnessed my husband realize another thing that MS has taken from him and the resulting cloud of disappointment.

We went to an open application and test call for the 2010 Census today at 1pm - the jobs are 20-40 hours a week for approx 10 weeks at a time and pay up to $18 an hour so it seemed like a good idea to apply. I went to thinking during the summer months when the sun stays out until 9pm I could work part time to help shore up our finances and that Pete could do it full time and earn some income.

We filled out the application and waited to start the test. Once given the okay we had 30 minutes to complete 28 questions. I dug in and got to town, the test was pretty simple, can you follow directions? can you comprehend what you read? can you do simple math? can you read a map? I finished it with time to spare and turned my test in and then had to wait for the 30 minutes to be up. This is when I looked over at my husband and realized he was struggling. With 5 minutes to go he had not yet finished his test and was looking really confused.

Then she said time was up, he had answered maybe 15 of the 28 questions and out of those he only got 9 right. He was angry at first but then the realization sunk in that he had failed miserably at what would have been a very simple test for him a few years ago. He looked over at me and I had tears in my eyes and he asked what was wrong. I told him later as I didn't want to discuss it while still in the testing area.

We went outside and I told him I was not mad - he thought I was mad at him for not doing better. I said I'm just sad because I know that 5 years ago you'd have finished faster and gotten a better score than I did. Then I let it go but we went to McDonald's for a fast lunch and he was pretty despondent, and I couldn't help it I full out cried with tears running down my face for him and what this damned disease has taken from him. He was trying to comfort me which seems really backward.

Just another sign that we need to start the wheels in motion for SS Disability I fear.

The good news is that I only got two questions wrong scoring a 93% and will likely get hired - so this summer for a few weeks at least I can put in about 20 hours a week and try to keep our family finances above water.

2 comments:

remember moments said...

oh I'm so sorry to hear that. it must be very disappointing and frustrating for both of you.

verybadcat said...

I'm sorry. There just aren't words. I love you.