In a Funk...

For several days now I've been in a funk. Part of the problem is a summer cold I managed to catch that has made me feel icky. Part of the problem is second guessing decisions and wondering if I'm really making major mistakes. The pool is in, but it's been raining and cold since so I can't swim in it. I worry that I shouldn't have spent the money on the pool after all but it's done now.

I applied for a job on Thursday and fully expect to be hired - BUT not sure I want it. It's no career, it's breakfast and lunch waitress at the Holiday Inn - not exactly something to be thrilled about. My schedule would be 7am to 2pm 3-4 days a week. No way of knowing how much I'll really make until I do it. Just got a bit depressed staring at my framed MBA diploma and thinking about being a waitress.

Today went to church in the AM and then to eat with some friends, my husband was having a bad day and made a bit of a scene in the restaurant which was embarrassing. To make matters worse the restaurant is owned by the sister of the woman who owns the restaurant where I work so I know word will get around. These are the days when I wish myself single in the worst possible way. And yet I really don't want that - I just want my old husband back - never going to happen though.

Just the other day I heard a song that I had considered singing at our wedding 10 years ago. I wanted to actually sing it to him at the wedding but decided I couldn't hold it together for that. This song made me sob big ole wracking sobs - and made me feel very guilty for not always keeping the promise I made. This in sickness stuff is so hard sometimes.

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on