Oh Yeah....

Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.

That about sums up this cold, rainy, nasty Monday in which I feel that I'd love to sleep for a month.

Hope and Despair

The hope part - I got the part time gig - but it's way more part time than I had thought based on the ad. The job will only be 10-15 hours a MONTH! But it's with a marketing company and it's a marketing job so it will help my resume to not completely die. Also there are other companies that do the same job for other clients/brands and I can have more than one job at a time, many reps work for 3-4 or more and get paid 3-4 times for the same hour of work. Sounds good to me! :) I'm working on finding those other jobs now.

The despair part - I was listening to a song about loss, losing a loved one and saying goodbye especially. And I thought how cut and dried that was and how though no one really knows what to say they do somehow find the right thing. When your loved one slips away a little at a time and turns into someone you don't recognize and sometimes don't like and yet is still there and present physically? Well people have no clue what you are going through and if they do they don't know what to say. I'm not supposed to grieve my husband because he is alive and in my bed each night and yet this man that I am married to bears no resemblance (other than the physical) to the one I married 10 years ago most days.

Every once in awhile the old guy peeks out, shows kindness, shows compassion, shows love. Those are the moments that keep me going.

Things are looking up...

Dare I hope?

I applied for a part time job that would pay me more than unemployment, I got an email asking to set up a phone interview this week. I am hoping it happens today. This job would be a home office based job, would require traveling in a 30 mile radius from my home to do work in various retail stores. It would be flexible so I will be available for trips to the VA for my husband. It has benefits, insurance, 401K, etc. Occasionally I would get to go to sales meetings, etc. It would be a great way to make some money without doing the 60 hour a week thing.

I finally found the business owner for the "dream job" proposal in his storefront on Saturday and I was able to talk to him for a few minutes, handed off my proposal which he said looked great and we are going to get together to meet about it at the end of the month. HUGE POTENTIAL there!

Plans & Prosperity

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Despite being unemployed for over a year, despite my husband's disability and his unemployment status, despite fears of financial ruin and failure that my parents have had on my behalf, things are well here.

My husband hasn't worked since Oct 2008 and I've been unemployed since June 2009 and yet we have everything we need, some things we want, and have not fallen behind on a thing. His disability with the VA was approved in the nick of time, his SSDI was approved in only 3 months time, and my unemployment has kept us going.

I can only credit this to the fact that someone is looking out for us and I am thankful.