Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Promises broken...

I know that his disease really does affect his thinking.  I know he has dementia and cannot always help the things he says and the things he does.

Part of me can forgive him over and over and over for the same offenses.

Part of me dies a little inside with each new lie, each promise broken.

Part of me wishes walking away were an option.

Part of me wishes that I could make him feel just a fraction of the pain he makes me feel.

But it's a disease.  And it isn't in me to do the things he does over and over just to get even.

And it isn't in me to leave.

Today I don't like him very much at all.

And despite it all I still love him.


Patrick said...

I have no advice except to say I know how you feel.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

Jennifer Leeland said...

You are in the toughest place imaginable. I have nothing but admiration and respect for you for all you do.
*big hugs*

Tricia said...

Thanks to both! Patrick it does help to know that other people have had the same feelings. And Jennifer I appreciate your encouragement. It's a bit better today. :)

Anonymous said...

I am in the same place and I've learned to just ignore because he really doesn't understand what you are going thru and you are the only one upset. So in order not to be upset and hurt I just ignore, it was not easy to learn but since I have Im in a much better place

Tricia said...

Thank you - I do try to ignore it but sometimes it is hard. I decided on Thursday morning that I had to stop expecting more from him and just accept who he is. We had a very good day together on Thursday and I'm trying to keep that going. It helps.