Bring on 2010...

Let's see - 2009 sucked for a lot of reasons. Husbands disability worsening, losing my job, watching my husband get worse. There were a few moments - husband's VA claim getting approved, taking the first step to start my own business.

So hoping to bring better things in 2010:

• getting my business off the ground
• getting my husband rated as unemployable so he can get more money each month
• keeping my house a little cleaner
• make time for sewing and craft things that I enjoy
• making the time to exercise a bit more
  
• cry a little bit less

I also want to take a vacation - a real one like a cruise or an all inclusive resort or something. Not sure when I might be able to do this but sometime in 2010 I will be come acquainted with the sun in some exotic place.

Where are you Christmas?

This about says it all. :(

Two more days at home...

Then I'm off to spend probably at least 7 days at my mother-in-laws. I'm just not looking forward to spending all that time...

• Sleeping on a double bed - I'm 5'10" and Pete is 6'4" and anything less than a Queen is just not big enough, Pete's feet hang off the end and he doesn't like that so he either curls up and takes 3/4 of the bed OR sleeps diagonal and leaves me with the choice to curl up (which I hate) or hang my feet off the side (which I hate more)
  
  
• Spending 7 days living in a house where everyone but me smokes. I hate cigarrette smoke and my husband smokes outside in the garage. At his mom's no such luck and at any given time there are usually at least 3 people lit up and if his sister and her husband and step sons are there too then 6 people smoking and ME. UGH.
  
  
• Probably spending Christmas day at a casino - let's just say not my idea of a meaningful way to spend Christmas.
  
  
• Listening to my husband and his sister bicker and fight the entire time.
  
  
• Not having my doggie to keep me company at the very least while I hide in the bedroom and try to avoid the yelling and the smoke.
  

Please snow storm - stay south of us...

I really don't want to have to run the snowblower again on Sunday so we can get out for church and exchanging gifts with my sister and her family. I really don't want to stand out there in cold weather with snow blowing all over me and the wind whipping my cheeks until they turn red for days.

I don't want any more snow right now. Please just this one little favor? Keep the snow storm out of here!

Scary moments at the restaurant tonight...

One of the regular customers is a 76 year old man named Jim. He comes in with his neighbors - they keep an eye on him and bring him with them to the restaurant about once a week. I love this old guy, he flirts with me like only old men can and always tells me how "terrible" everything is with a sparkle in his eye.

Well tonight they were brave enough to venture out in the single digit weather for dinner. But Jim lost his balance trying to come up on the curb and he fell over backwards knocking his head quite hard on the pavement. He had the wind knocked out of him and wasn't really moving - the pizza guy and I both ran out to see what we could do (his neighbors are elderly too so we didn't want them trying to get him up).

Despite knowing that moving someone can be dangerous we decided that leaving a frail elderly man laying on cold pavement in minus wind chill weather would be much worse. So we got on each side of him and hoisted him up between us. We had quite a struggle to get him up the steps and into the restaurant. I had to lift his knees for him to get his feet up and then we had to hoist him up the step. Despite being old and somewhat frail he's not small - he's about 6'2" and probably around 180-190. He was not talking, not answering questions and not able to try pick his feet.

Once we got him seated inside the front door the owners sister showed up and since she is a nurse and rarely shows up it was perfect timing indeed. She took over while I called 911 and got some ice in a bag and applied it to the rapidly growing goose egg on the back of his head.

He kept getting confused, he was talking but he didn't seem to understand why he couldn't just go eat. We told him he fell and hit his head and needed to be checked out and he'd say "I did?" and then he'd be quiet for awhile and a few minutes later he'd ask again - "why can't we go eat?" and we'd tell him again.

He as taken to a local hospital and they didn't think he had a concussion they sent him home. I hope he's okay as he lives alone.

I hope to see him back at the restaurant as usual soon.

Joy to the World & other random musings...

This is from last night - our group singing some rockin Christmas tunes - my heart really isn't in the season but I managed to muster some enthusiasm to sing at least:



In other news I got to use my fax machine today - it is a new toy that is actually part of my new HP OfficeJet All In One - Printer, Scanner, Copier, Fax - had to run a really long cord from the other room but was able to fax the Veteran’s Application for Increased Compensation Based on Unemployability right into the rep at the PVA.

Praying that this goes through and they approve it as it will mean $1100 more a month for Pete. That is the difference between 90% disabled and 100% disabled. I have to wonder why it's so much? Someone who is 90% disabled is not capable of much in the way of employment. But it seems appealing the claim to 100% is not wise - the rep from the PVA said that for him to be rated 100% he will either need to be completely unable to walk OR cognitively so out of it that he can't remember my name, his own name, what day it is, what year it is, etc. So yeah hoping he never gets that bad! Probably will end up in a wheelchair eventually but we want to put it off as long as we can. BUT we do need him rated as unemployable because HELLO - there is no way he could get or keep a job and he deserves this.

So wish us luck! And don't laugh too hard at my singing - not sure if there is anymore white girl clapping in this one for your amusement (ahem - Laura).

Merry Christmas (hey I'm trying)

Things are catching up with me...

I think I might be becoming depressed. It could also be just the remnants of my illness but I'm sleeping a lot, lethargic always, feeling down and not even a little excited about Christmas.

I am dreading the drive to my mother in law's in Dayton. I'm dreading the time spent there with my in-laws. I'm dreading how my husband always acts and treats me around them.

I am mourning the loss of something I can never have but something that gets dangled in front of me from time to time.

I haven't put any time into getting my business off the ground - I blame this on being sick but this week I could be working on it and instead yesterday I got up at 9:00 and surfed the net for about an hour and then went back to bed until 12:30. I got up the 2nd time and made lunch, then laid in bed watching TV all afternoon until I had to go to the restaurant at 5pm.

I need a kick in the pants I guess. I'm here all day accomplishing nothing. My house is a cluttered mess. My heart is just not in anything lately.

So that cold....

UM yeah I don't have a cold. I have bronchitis and walking pneumonia. Thankfully I got some antibiotics and narcotic cough syrup and will probably start feeling better in a few days.

The cough syrup? It's called Tussiniox and it works GREAT but it cost me $50 which royally pisses me off. :( There are tons of cough syrups with codeine in them that are available in generic and on my insurance company's formulary but nope the PA at my doctor's office prescribed this one with no generic.

So at the pharmacy they tell me I can go back to the doctor and ask them to prescribe something else and bring the prescription back with me and they will fill it, but they can't call and get it changed because it is for a controlled substance and I felt so sick and just wanted to go home and go back to bed that I paid the extra $40 and just took it.

Stupid addicts and their drug seeking behaviors make it difficult for people who are truly sick to get what they need.

Sorry for the silent week...

I've been fighting off this terrible cold and trying to keep things going at home, working at the restaurant, and keeping my head above water.

Pete registered at the VA for his medical on Monday - it was actually so easy, and he got to see his new primary care physician the same day which was great! They are mailing him his prescriptions, and setting him up for a visit with the neurologist ASAP, so things are moving.

Patient coordinator said we should appeal the 90% to try for 100% but his advocate from the PVA said to wait on that because if she reviews and thinks that they should have rated him 100% she might be able to get it changed without the long drawn out appeal. She should call us back sometime next week with more info.

This is all so confusing and I'm not quite sure what to do or where to go next but just happy things are moving a long.