It's a boy, 11 weeks old, 25 lbs. Cute as can be. He needs a name, so far some contenders are Jackson, Tristan, Indiana (as in Jones), Luke, and we are looking for more suggestions - so far nothing really fits him. Naming Xavier took us 5 minutes and we both loved it and agreed, but this pup is not so easy. Many have suggested Max, it could be an option too.
p.s. we decided on Max and he already comes to this - he is a great pup. I <3 him so much.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these."
The Bible tells us that the greatest commandments have to do with love. 1st to love God with all your heart, soul and mind. 2nd to love your neighbor as yourself.
But can you love anyone if you don't really love yourself? I started thinking on this, what does it mean to love yourself? Certainly it does not relate to being selfish or self centered but perhaps to just respecting yourself and treating yourself as least as good as you treat others? I don't know about you but I treat myself worse than I would treat anyone else. I eat crap, I deprive myself of sleep, I force myself to go to a job I hate every day, I allow myself to be less than my best.
It's time to start learning how to love myself that I might love others as I should. This is going to be a big task.
I have cried rivers of tears in the past year. I have wondered if anything would ever be right again. I have questioned my life, my choices, my faith, my God...
And I heard this song a few weeks ago, and it made the tears start rolling again but for a different reason. I have cried a river that I thought would drown me but somehow I have come out on the other side - stronger, happier, at peace.
And those prayers - they are being answered slowly but surely. And I think maybe a thousand sleepless nights is exactly what it took to change the only thing that I could ever really hope to change - me.
I hope the song moves you as it has moved me.
Blessings... Laura Story
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
I have not written here in well over a month. For me this place is to pour out the things I cannot say elsewhere, to complain, to moan, to cry. Well lately things have been better. The spring is sort of here, it's still cold but the hours of daylight gets more each day and that helps me greatly. My husband has been making an effort and our relationship is on the mend. My job is picking up and while I still don't like the job it is a bit less soul sucking these days. So I haven't had much to say.
My husband planned a cruise for our anniversary in November. It's very exciting. :) We are taking a 7 day Bahama's Cruise on Norwegian Cruise Line out of NYC and will be on the boat for our 11th anniversary on 11/11/11.
In other news - not much is happening - looking forward to opening the pool and getting things moving along toward summer. Many things to do - spring cleaning - yard clean-up (a whole winter's worth of dog POO), flower bed clean-up. Before you know it I'll be mowing again and planting those flower beds.
So my current job is sucking the life out of me I make 25-30 sales calls per day and get rejected face to face 95% of the time. It makes it hard to face the next stop and the next inevitable rejection. I was not cut out for sales. I know that and I knew it when I took the job BUT I had hoped I could make a go of it, that age and maturity would allow me to handle it better than the last time I did sales (1992) but no, I really can't force the motivation needed to really succeed at this horrible job. I dread every day, I don't put anywhere near my all into it and despite pep talks every day that I give myself I sometimes find myself sitting in the car just wanting to cry rather than go into the next rejection site.
So I had an epiphany yesterday. There is a very successful roadside restaurant/ice cream stand about 4 miles from my home. The people who own this rent it out as their business is the apple orchard and country store right next to it and they don't want to run a restaurant too. One of their son's built and opened this years ago but then lost interest and so for the past 4 years it has been rented to two different individuals. The first ran a great business there BUT had personality conflicts with the owners and eventually they just couldn't manage it anymore and parted ways. Then last summer they rented it to some carny folk. They thought it would be okay and at first it was BUT they ended up having major issues with food quality and cleanliness and they threw these people out.
So it sits empty and normally this place is open from April - October. I wondered if they had anyone to run it this summer and so today I went in and inquired. They do not. They were so burned by the last two renters that they were planning to just let it sit empty this summer. That would be a huge shame. These people have known me since I was in diapers. They know my parents. They know what kind of people we are (clean, hard working, honest) and I think that I may be able to talk them into renting it to me.
If they do I could quit my soul sucking job in April and instead be in charge of my own destiny for the first time. It would allow me to dip my foot into the world of restaurant ownership and see if this is something I really would want to do (I've dreamed of it for years) and I think it could be hugely profitable. This place is on a major thoroughfare to Cooperstown and gets tons of summer traffic. It also had a ton of local business that would come back if I advertise new management (and I will).
I would keep the menu simple - burgers, dogs, fried stuff (chicken, fish, fries, other snacks) maybe some salads and wraps. And ice cream - fantastically fattening and delicious ice cream!
I will be talking to the manager this week (talked to her dad who is semi retired today) and hopefully we can come to some sort of arrangement. I am very hopeful. I am envisioning hiring my youth group kids to work for me and what a great place we could have there. I'm liking the idea of maybe only working April to October but if needed during the off season I could find a job somewhere else waiting tables or working in a store. I have health insurance from the VA and don't need benefits so that is covered.
I'm feeling hopeful for the first time since October, it's good.
I wanted to take a cruise - but the airfare and the time needed wouldn't really allow us to do that now thanks to me not having any real time off from my job. So I figured we would do the next best thing. I got us direct flights to and from Orlando and booked us a fabulous resort hotel with so many things to do there we almost wouldn't need to leave the resort.
4 nights - 3 full days - and I wanted to relax and enjoy.
But the weather is not going to be nice enough to spend days by the pool. And my husband cannot sit still and just relax for 5 minutes much less 3 days. And since we are not confined to a ship my relaxing vacation which had turned into 1 day of relaxing and 2 days of theme parks is now 3 full days of theme parks - go - go - go - go - go - go.
No staying in bed til noon, sitting in the hot tub and laying by the pool or floating around on the lazy river. Nope - probably won't get to do any of that at all because every minute of every day is going to be jam packed with activity. When I get home on Tuesday night I will have had very little relaxation, and probably very little time to talk and work on our marriage which was really the only reason I agreed to a vacation anyway.
And 3 days of theme parks will cost an additional $500 at least I'm sure.
How often did you laugh, and how often did you make others laugh?
It’s been said thousands of times, but it bears repeating. Do things not to make the most money or to make yourself look good. Do the things that are going to make you happy and, hopefully, help others along the way.
Do something big.
Do something crazy.
Do something because your ex-boyfriend hated it every time you did it.
Watch more movies.
Read more books.
Get inspired.
Fall in love.
Get your heart smashed and become a better person for it.
Be nice to that kid that everyone is always mean to.
Send a nice email.
Quit your cubicle job and start a restaurant.
Book a flight to Las Vegas and go alone.
Take a lot of pictures when you’re there.
Because nothing really matters. Not your blog, not your job, not your Facebook status, not your training plan, and not your mother-in-law.
Is it wrong to dream of a place with just me and the animals, of peace and quiet, of no one to call me stupid, or expect me to read their mind? Is it wrong to think of starting over and yearning for a chance to just put all this behind me? Is it wrong to wish that I could just be alone with no one to bother me, to interfere, to harrass?
I wonder if the dog and the cats could come to the loony bin with me? Padded cell for 4 please.
To me it all comes down to promises kept. If you promise to do something for someone you do it. If you promise you won't do something because you know you shouldn't and they asked you not to you don't do it.
Recently my husband made some promises to me in an effort to recover what we once had. He does not want to keep his end of the bargain now, says he didn't realize what he was promising. But to me not keeping these promises is a deal breaker and I'm ready to walk.
I feel like a bitch if I put it out there like that and yet this is how I feel. Do what you said you would, keep your promises or I will no longer feel bound to keep mine.
That my lack of energy and illness is not just from the cold I caught - saw the doctor today and he wondered why I've never really been tested for asthma considering my chart and how often I have this bronchial trouble. So he gave me a peak flow meter and I was blowing less than 1/3 what I should. So he gave me a nebulizer treatment in the office and then it was slightly better more like 1/2 what I should. He sent me home with Advair, Prednisone and some good Hydrocodone Cough Syrup to quell the coughing. He thinks I'll be feeling much better in 3-4 days and gave me 2 weeks of Advair in sample packs and then wants me to come back to see him. He also sent me home with the peak flow meter and wants me to jot down some numbers to see how much improvement I get.
I have had rescue inhalers before when ill but I hate them - they make me choke - I just cannot inhale - I am no pot head that is for sure I could never inhale so what is the point. LOL Anyway the Advair inhaler is not aerosol you just inhale it using the force of your lungs and it doesn't make me want to die like the other one.
He may keep me on it long term - he calls my combination of asthma symptoms and chronic bronchitis COPD or Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder - oh yay same illness class as emphysema. All these years of NEVER smoking and my lungs are still compromised thanks to years of second hand smoke I'm sure.
Anyway hoping that the improvement in lung function may also help show improvement in my attitude and energy level.
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