Blessed Christmas

What a wonderful Christmas I had today - it was not about gifts but about family.  My mom had been out of town for 3 weeks helping her sister who had fallen and broken both a wrist on one arm and an elbow on the other.  She was mostly helpless and my mom flew across the country to her aid.  We thought she would not be home until after the first of year but my aunt was doing better and able to do most things for herself so she bought my mom a ticket to come home on Christmas Eve.

She and my dad decided to keep it a surprise to all of us.  So my dad was over for dinner last night and left our house around 8pm to go home and stoke up the fire and warm up the house before heading to the airport.  Today around noon dad arrived as planned for Christmas Day and he walked in the house with his hands full of presents and then shockingly mom walked in behind him.  I was so thrilled to see her.

My sister and her family arrived about an hour later and mom hid in the bedroom until they were all in the house.  I took my 5 year old nephew and told him I had a surprise for him and brought him to the bedroom.  When he saw Grandma his eyes lit up and he just launched himself into a hug for her.  So sweet and we swore him to secrecy while grandma snuck out to surprise everyone else.  My sister who has never spent a Christmas without my mom just got all teary eyed.  Very sweet.

I hardly remember what gifts I got but I will never forget how mom surprised us all by making it home for Christmas.

I love my family so much.

Breaking through the other side...

I have been reading some of my old blog posts, it's always good to see where you have come from.  It amazes me when I read the posts full of pain, fear, depression, posts where I felt alone, trapped, abused.  Some are hard to read.  Some are down right dramatic.  I am amazed though as I read them to realize I have come through all of this and while life is far from perfect it's a whole lot better than I ever thought possible just 2 years ago.

We have settled into a more comfortable place.  My husband is more stable in his disease and less combative in his day to day dealings with me.  He has resigned himself to the fact that we live here, in NY, and that it does not make sense for use to move.  He has made some friends in the veterans community and I have made friends as well with some wives.  We have friends with a common perspective, with common struggles and it makes a big difference.

His meds are fairly well regulated, he is much happier overall and the depression has lifted some.

I am no longer deluding myself that a full time career is my destiny.  I am happier working part time jobs and doing my own thing than I could ever be in corporate america after all I've been through.

So maybe this is why I'm not writing all the time anymore - my prolific posting had to do with misery and depression and I'm just not there anymore.

I miss writing though, I'd like to try to do more of it.  I still have plenty to complain about but pet peeves really are not as interesting as real heartbreak and sorrow.  I'll take my rather uninteresting life though, it is much more peaceful these days.

The Hell that is the Air Mattress...

So spending Thanksgiving with family out of town is always nice.  It's good to see them and spend time with them but the downside is that we are spending our nights sleeping on a double size air mattress.  Here is how it starts out - me on my side and him on his side.  Everytime anyone moves the other gets sent in flying.  And my husband is 6'4" and a full size mattress is not really long enough for him so he tends to roll toward the middle and go diagonal.  This morning around 3am I fell off the side I was trying so hard to cling too.  After I stopped cursing I climbed back in and tried to shove him back to his side with no success.  By 8am I had fallen out of the stupid bed 3 more times.  I was still sooooo tired that I moved to a recliner chair and fell back to sleep until nearly noon.

It was our 4th night on the mattress and I was not in a good mood when I got shoved out for the 3rd time. One more night here and as much as I'm enjoying the time with family I am so ready to go home to my own bed.

Blah Days

I've been having too many of them lately.  Days where I don't want to do anything and so I just vegetate and stew over the facts of my life.  Really it is not bad, I have it pretty good right now, and yet I miss the me I used to be.  Energized, motivated, driven, ambitious, although I do not have the energy to be any of those things right now.

So.... bump on a log it is.

Places I have been in the USA

Looks like I only have a few places left to visit in the US - have also been to Canada, The Bahamas and Bermuda.  :) 


Places I have Been

Make yours @ BigHugeLabs.com

Time Management Skills

I used to be great at time management.  I was able to crank out incredible amounts of work in short periods of time.  I could do 5 things at once and do them well.  I kept multiple plates spinning, all my balls in the air and had time to spare.  When I had a full time job, hobbies, friends, a house, a husband and a life somehow I managed it all and never felt overwhelmed.

These days?  I am completely and totally ineffective at everything it seems.  I have multiple customer website projects going and they are all behind schedule.  I can barely drag myself out to sell the ads for my part time contract job.  My desk is a mess, my house is a mess, I feel overwhelmed that I can't possibly do it all.

What has changed?  Theoretically I should have no trouble getting all of this done in the time I have available and yet sometimes whole days go by when I accomplish nothing.

Take today for example.  It's 9:15am and I'm in PJ's still and have done nothing productive.  I have 2 websites to work on and a whole slew of ad's to call about or actually go visit customers.  I could clean my house, mow the yard one last time, do laundry, do dishes.  What am I doing?  Writing a blog, surfing facebook, and watching old episodes of FRINGE on netflix and telling myself I'll get to the other stuff later.

I have lost my motivation which makes my time management skills suck royally.  Maybe I'm depressed?  Or maybe I'm just lazy.

Skyfall - my new obsession with Adele

I am more than a little obsessed with Adele these days, I have heard some of her music of course (would have to live under a rock to not hear some of it.) but this song is AMAZING and I am in awe.

Getting excited...

I moved into this house 7 years ago this month.  For 7 long years I have HATED the giant overgrown bushes that lined the front of my house.  I have tried to trim them back to no avail they take over no matter what, they hang over the sidewalk and in the winter the weight of snow on them causes them to completely cover the sidewalk.  Well they are GONE!  Cut down, hauled away and GONE!  I am so excited.  Also gone are all the weeds, the old mulch the ripped and torn old canvas ground cover that was supposed to stop the weeds.

I have a fresh canvas to plant new bushes, trees, flowers.  I have about 40-50 feet in length by 6 feet in depth to plant fresh new beautiful things.  I am hoping to hit up some nurseries for 50% off and 75% off flowering bushes that I can plant now and enjoy in the spring.

I owe it all to the guy who is working for me - he is a hard worker and doing a great job so far.

I cannot wait to see what it is going to look like when I get it done.  :)

Summer is Ending

This makes me very sad.  I am looking at my swimming pool knowing I should close it soon and really don't want to.  I'm hoping for a few more warm days to swim.  Praying really.

Recently I hired a semi-homeless guy from town to do some major gardening projects for me and I'm paying him in food, transportation and cash.  I say I guess that proves I'm a republican, if I was a democrat I'd just give him cash and not expect anything in return.

Speaking of politics...  I cannot wait for this election to be over.  4 years ago I really did not use Facebook or know anything about it, now I partially run my business on Facebook BUT am so tired of all the political posts and I have friends who are polar opposites to each other so I am getting both sides and sometimes bickering on my page when I post what I think is a funny photo but others see as a highly charged political statement.  Eh, whatever.

And with that I close this very brief, not very well thought out blog update.  Still working on inspiration I guess.

Life is Good...

I see these T-shirts everywhere and think really?  But lately?  Yeah Life is Good for me too!  No more full time job means less stress.  No car payment has helped a great deal.  Picked up a few extra hours at the restaurant.  My Scentsy business is exploding and my Marketing Consulting business is growing slowly too.  I have picked up 2 new customers in the last month and I can honestly say right now Life is Good.

I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts.

Last Day Has Arrived...

Today I sold my car, will be delivering it next week (have to payoff and get clear title first) and just in the nick of time - whew!  No more car payment takes a huge burden off the budget.  And tomorrow is my last day at the job and a half day at that.  I survived, barely...

Summer's finally here in upstate NY

Things I am grateful for as the weather finally turns to summer:

1. Central Air Conditioning in my house
2. The pool in my backyard
3. Ice Cream - lots and lots and lots of ice cream

Trying to act like I'm not afraid...

Got a phone call today, husband's last blood work came back with low platelet count and they are referring him to a hematologist (usually also an oncologist).  This news made me run to google and read all kinds of things that I should not have read.  I'm terrified at what this could be.  And some of my reasons for being scared are selfish I will admit it.

I'm trying not to go crazy with the worrying until further tests have been done but I am having a hard time with that.  :(

TGIF...

Working my last Friday at this job today! TGIF

Freedom coming...

And another drops in my lap...

A customer that is - this one an ongoing monthly fee for marketing consulting, graphic design, facebook and website maintenance.

Thanking my lucky stars, God, the universe and anyone/thing else that may be helping me rack up these clients!  :)

Oh and while I'm at it - one more week, in the homestretch, can see the finish line - almost done with the soul sucking job! 

Signs from the universe...

The universe continues to send me signs - on Monday - two new website projects fell into my lap.  I have my work cut out for me it seems.  Today I spent with my husband, we went to his appointment at the VA and then to a picnic for disabled vet's put on by a local American Legion Post.  I got to socialize with one of the other wives that has become a good friend.  We planned a camping trip for our two families to take together.  I got to see a movie with my husband and we both had a nice day.  We need more of those.

Thanks for the signs that I made the right decision and please keep them coming.

6 more days now!

Counting Down the Days...

Two days this week, Four days next week, Three days the following week.  Nine days total until I am no longer employed full time by someone other than myself.  And no unemployment cushion to fall back on.  It's exhilarating and frightening at the same time.

My self employment businesses have grown.  I've gotten promoted twice within the Scentsy organization and have one person in my downline so far.  My marketing services business just picked up another customer yesterday and I have 3 websites waiting for my attention.  I know we will be okay.

I have no motivation and no enthusiasm for the next nine work days though.  I am finding it VERY hard to do the right thing.  Like today for example.  Seriously contemplating calling in sick.  That would be wrong right?

I'm back...

I took a rather long blog vacation, but I'd like to think I'm back - hopeful to start writing more often again.  Life has taken some turns and I have been on quite a wild ride.

My husband's MS is getting worse - no if's and's or but's about it.  He is now secondary progressive and he is PROGRESSING.  He is lethargic and depressed and easily confused these days.  His doctors are working on his meds to hopefully help with some of this but I worry.

I had gotten called back to a full time job.  I didn't want to go but in a panic about losing unemployemnt benefits I said yes and for the last 3 months have regretted that decision daily.  So I gave notice and will be done on the 21st.  Trying to use VA transportation for the husband and not being at any of his appointments just wasn't going to work out for me.  I was on conference calls with his doctors when I should have been working.

I am also depressed, I know this.  I do not want medication.  I want things to be different BUT I'm coping.  Losing the soul sucking sales job will help.

I hope my posts are not all downers but no promises.  My career is officially dead and I am a caregiver first and  foremost.  At 42 that is a little hard to swallow and yet it is what I wanted and what I needed to do.

More later, I promise.

Introducing - Heartfelt - the new Scentsy Charitable Cause Warmer for Spring/Summer 2012.  $5 from the sale of each warmer is donated to The American Heart Association via Scentsy Corporate.  In addition I will be donating another $5 for each one I sell to a local chapter of The American Heart Association.  

These warmers will be available March 1st on my website at http://pladesigns.scentsy.us or contact me if you'd like to pre-order yours!