Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Get Out of Hell Free Card....

My husband is not spiritual, nor is he religious and yet he claims himself to be catholic.  For a few years I went to mass with him and took part in the proceedings and became part of the community.  I sang in choirs and worked with youth.  I joined in and became a part of things.  And all the while he spent ever service bored to tears and either napping or distracting those who were trying to listen.  I figured I was there I should listen and try to learn  and I did.  But then we hit a crisis point and tried to talk to a priest.  It was mistake as the priest rather ignored our crisis and instead focused on things that the catholic's find important like getting first marriages annulled and calling my marriage invalid in the eyes of the church.  We both agreed we were done and haven't attended anywhere since.

Fast forward 2 years and remember my husband's illness is much more cognitive than physical these days.  He doesn't remember why exactly we left.  He wants to go back.  He doesn't bother to talk to me about that but rather starts calling priests and asking for explanations of why these things happened.  He told the priest that we stopped going because he insulted me and then when I came home from work today he thrusts the phone in my hands and says "tell Father M why you were mad at him" and I was mortified and annoyed and felt ambushed and super pissed off.

I was not mad at the priest and he did not insult me personally I just find it to be insulting that the church would dare to call my marriage invalid when I did not ask their opinion.

Fast forward he wants to start going to mass again. And of course he wants me to come.  I'm not catholic, was raised more evangelical and am now just protestant mostly.  I don't want to go back because my husband seems to view sitting in that pew once a week as some kind of get out of hell free card.  I told him this.  I will go but there is a condition, the first time he tries to play tic tac toe or whisper or distract me during the service, or if he is so rude as to pull out his phone and play a game or read his messages (he has done this) that I am DONE.  He will only get one strike here, he needs to listen and learn and be there for more than warming a seat or I'm not wasting my time.

He is the least religious and least spiritual person I know and I find the hypocrisy of  thinking that sitting in that seat was somehow enough when you treat your wife with disrespect on a daily basis just a bit much to take.


Jennifer Leeland said...

Ugh. I'm sorry hon. I hope you can find some peace with this.

Patrick said...

thanks for inspiring an entry in Caregivingly Yours

Tricia said...

Happy to be of service! :)