Thursday, April 17, 2008

I've discovered Smirnoff Ice - Wild Grape

Hubby's cousin introduced me to this fabulous malt beverage on Sunday night. I consumed a "few" of them and they taste just like grape soda from the very first sip. Dangerous because you would never know there was a drop of alcohol in them and I could drink quite a few. On Monday night they offered me more of these lovely beverages while we ate pizza and vegged out after the funeral. After 2 of these I am a bit buzzed (because I am a total lightweight when it comes to alcohol) and I have to pee - really badly!!!!

So I have a choice - upstairs to the bathroom that is under construction and I'm not really sure where it is in their house - OR downstairs to the full bath in the basement which I have used many times in past visits. I decide to go with what I know and head down the stairs. It's dark, these are narrow basement stairs but I make it down and around and am heading for the home stretch. This bathroom is in a new section under an addition and so it's not at the same level. I know there are steps down from old level to new level. I know that if I feel around the corner I might find the light switch but the bathroom light is on way off in the distance so I figure I'll just follow it. I start down the steps - there are two - this is what I was thinking.

WRONG - as I step down to what I think is the floor I start to move more quickly toward the bathroom (did I mention I really, really have to pee?) but SHIT there's another step and I realize this as I am sliding across the concrete floor on my face. My head knocks into a rocking chair and sends it sliding away. I come to a stop, wind knocked out of me, totally disoriented, and yet surprisingly it seems unhurt? How is this possible? I just landed on my left knee and forearm before sliding on my face/chest and am now 6 feet across the room from where I started.

I test the waters slowly - arm seems okay, getting up on knees - OUCH - knee is a little tender let's try the other one - it's okay. Can I stand? Yes I can, so I get up and continue to the bathroom do my business and head back upstairs. On the way I put the rocking chair back where it started and I don't say a word when I get back up there.

Other than a small bruise and what looks like rug burn from my jeans I guess on my knee, I'm just fine! I guess it was that ragdoll drunk thing that kept me from breaking something in that fall. I attribute both the fall and my lack of injuries to the lovely Smirnoff Ice Wild Grape. To prevent future injuries I bought a 6 pack last night at the grocery since I'll never stop being a total klutz that much is certain.


Meghan said...

Ok, so lemme get this straight, I am supposed to drink this Smirnoff Ice-Wild Grape stuff so that I don't hurt myself as badly when I fall down drunk?? :-) Just teasing! It sounds like your funeral weekend was just absolutely EXHAUSTING in many ways, I am glad you are home to rest, hopefully your injuries are healing nicely, and so glad to hear that Pete is showing improvement after only three shots!!

Tricia said...

Yeah I know the logic is staggeringly simple. When falling down sober I always hurt myself. When falling down drunk I rarely hurt myself so the key is stay drunk right? :)

Meghan said...

I say-get drunk, wrap yourself in bubble wrap, take pictures. It's a foolproof plan really.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

And you didn't pee your pants? Damn girl you're lucky. LOL.
Thank God for alcohol when that pavement rises up to greet us.
Of course, it's possible the alcohol had a little bit to DO with the rise of the floor to our face...
but I digress.

pessimisticredhead said...

HAHAHAHA. I am giggling into my screen like a weirdo right now. Viva la malt!

verybadcat said...

At least you remember it. I have a bruise the size of golf ball on the inside of my ankle and cannot, for the life of me, remember how I did it. I should pick up some Smirnoff Ice Wild Grape and see if it helps me remember! :)

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