Found out that my husband is being a total fucktard again. I don't want to go into a lot of details here but he has really put me through the wringer this past year and it looks like he might be getting ready to do it again.
How do I know this? Well it's because I'm a horrible snooping wife. I need to stop the snooping because it just causes me horrible internal angst. But he is the one who initially ruined the trust, and caused me to feel like I had to keep tabs on him. So I blame him for causing me to be a snoop in the first place.
So what am I going to do? If I let him know I'm on to him he will just hide it better and I'll be in the dark and he'll act like I'm the bad guy in all of this, which maybe I am. The lack of trust certainly shows in other areas of our relationship and maybe I'm driving him away.
Today I'm just sad, and confused, a bit lonely and somewhat nauseous. Not necessarily looking for opinions or advice (since I didn't really share details you'd be shooting in the dark anyway) but just feeling down and felt like pouring out a bit of it here.