Talk about putting my foot in my mouth. Said something about a co-worker's husband not liking something and as soon as I said it I realized I've seen her in the bathroom crying a lot lately and look down to see NO RING on her finger just as she says "my husband and I aren't together anymore, we're getting divorced". I of course apologized for my gaffe and she says she's okay with it now and no worries. But I still feel like shit - I should have put 2 and 2 together to figure this one out.
Very sad - they were only married for 1 year. BUT I am also not surprised. He has been married before and has 2 kids, one a 12 year old girl that lived with them, the other a younger boy with a different mother that they had every other weekend. He got a vasectomy before he met her because he thought two was enough and didn't want anyone trying to trap him again (1st daughter was a planned pregnancy on the mother's part to try and get him to marry her, he did but it didn't last and the mother was so unstable he ended up with custody when he really didn't want it). Anyhow - my co-worker/friend was gung ho to have kids and he told her he would get the vasectomy reversed and they could try to have a baby. But he never made the appointment. He kept putting it off, he made excuses, he said it was too early (and he had a point there, she's only 27 so not exactly URGENT to do it now). And they started fighting about it, and other things.
Not sure what brought it all to a decision point. Maybe someday she'll tell me. I find it sad that a marriage can last less than a year. I find it sad that I was so out of touch that I stuck my foot in my big mouth.
My husband and I are about to celebrate our 8th anniversary - next Tuesday. We've had our ups and downs and there was a point about a year and a half ago that we were at the breaking point. He did what he needed to do to make it right (cause he fucked it up) at that time and so we are still making it. But marriage is not easy. It is not a bed of freaking roses every day. It is not all romance and love. Some days it is "I am here because I vowed to be here." Some days it is "I love you but I don't like you very much right now." But thankfully most days it is also a safe place to come home to, a sense of security, a sense of belonging to something bigger than oneself.
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Hey; I once asked an old college friend when she was due and she wasn't pregnant. She had Norplant and it made her gain 75 pounds. To be fair I could have sworn someone told me she was pregnant but likely they were making the same mistake. After that I vowed to never assume a woman was pregnant unless she was clutching my arm asking for a ride to the hospital and her waters were dripping on my shoes.
I DO love your directness! Pretty much says it all on "marriage" here...
Linda D. in SEattle
You said it. Marriage really sucks sometimes. Particularly when you're slow boil angry with your husband and he calls you out on treating him like shit. So then you realize that you have been taking him for granted and being really bitchy lately, and then it's hard to hate him like you did.
;-)
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