Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Pre-Thanksgiving Blow-up

I had a rough day today - busy, busy, busy, stress, stress stress. We got dismissed early today at 3:30 and I had another 2 hours of work to do but had to leave to not make my car pooler's wait when they were ready to go. So I left - came home and logged in to keep working and my husband started picking the minute I came in the door.

He made me leave in the middle of a report to go get something to eat which I did to keep the peace. On the drive he criticized me and my family saying we had no self control and this is why we are all overweight. I told him to stop picking on me because I had a bad day. He sort of did for a few.

Then we get home and he wants to know why I'm working again. I explain that this report was really due Monday and we were having issues and I wanted to get it done so I could send it tonight and feel like it's off my shoulders for now. He brings the dog in my office and they play on the floor and keep knocking my chair and making me screw up what I was doing (selecting rows in an excel sheet). I asked him to stop.

Then he turns on every freaking light in the house and gets nasty when I go behind him turning lights off. He goes into the bedroom and is watching a movie, when I come in he starts in on the housekeeper and how she needs to do something different. I told him that I told her to do it that way. He makes a snide comment and when I mimic it back to him he gets nasty and tells me that if I do that again "WE WILL GET DIVORCED!" I just walked out of the room.

BUT what I wanted to say is FINE - go ahead! Divorce me - I DON'T NEED YOU! You should be thankful that I love you and want you here because I don't NEED you. He needs me - no two ways about it, I do freaking everything in this house and now I make all the money too. He is home all day every day and is barely lifting a finger - he will empty the dishwasher and reload it or the occasional load of laundry. I am still paying my housekeeper to come each week because I know he will not do what she does for me. My job provides his health insurance which pays for his incredibly expensive Tysabri infusions. My job pays for the house, the cars, all the expenses.

I don't want to rub in how much he needs me because I am sure his crabby nitpicking mood has to do with his unemployed status and he is starting to get depressed. I just don't understand why when you get down you bite the hand that feeds you.

I'm trying to understand - I'm trying not to take the bait - That being said if he keeps this shit up I will take my thanksgiving down to my mom's and leave him alone here with his leftover pizza and himself for company tomorrow.


Meghan said...

You're amazing. I love how you can empathize with your husband's current depression but still stand up for yourself and know you deserve better than the way he's treating you, as you do! I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving either way. And he becomes more thankful that you are in his life.


It's not easy doing all that you do. It's not easy being the one who is and must be the breadwinner. It's not easy watching your unemployed husband slowly get depressed on top of the ways his brain doesn't always 'think' correctly. It's not easy loving the man, but not really needing the man.

You are an amazing woman, Tricia, no doubt about it. I hope that you have a great Thanksgiving no matter where you spend it and with whom. Hopefully the report is off your shoulders and you can enjoy the long weekend.

Tricia said...

He calmed down - well he fell asleep and I climbed into bed hours after he was asleep. This morning he was fine. I was fine. We had a very nice day.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad he came out of his mood for the holiday. I don't know why they do this. I truly do not understand why they are so nasty sometimes when they're taking so much. I do know, though, that you are better than I am at finding the balance between your devotion to him and your own happiness. :)


You are self-sufficient, strong, kind, and intelligent...because of those attributes, I KNOW you will do what you need to do to be happy and well. Sometimes it is not the things we "need", but the things we "want" that are important.

Linda D. in Seattle