Cover Letter Worked After All...

I will be having a phone interview on Thursday for this job that I sent the cover letter in for.

Now I have another dilemma - I also just applied for a Director of Marketing position - one that will likely take a long time to go through the steps if I'm considered. The job that I have the interview for will likely be decided quickly and if I get offered it I should take it. BUT the other job is a career and I would have to take it if I got the chance.

The dilemma is after my talk of loyalty and all that jazz if I got a better offer and I left would that make me an extreme hypocrite?

And am I counting my chickens before I even have the eggs that might hatch some day?

Heart to Heart....

Last night my husband and I talked - for the most part he stayed calm but he is very adamant that he wants to go back to Ohio and I'm pretty tied to NOT doing that.

He told me that he thought it would be easier for me to find a job there. I asked him if I found a full time job here would he lay off? He said he would.

I'm on a mission. I am NOT leaving my family behind again to go be near his family who he doesn't even really like. They are pressuring him to come home when he talks to them and I don't appreciate that. For 7 years we lived in a house about 40 minutes drive from where his sister and now his mother live. His mom would come down to visit the sister and they would NEVER come visit us. In 7 years his family came to our house 2 times! We always had to go to them and then we would hear stories about how they went to the casino and drove within a mile of our house but couldn't be bothered to call and see if we wanted to go or to stop by and say hello. One time they stopped and got off the highway to go to an antique store at the end of our subdivision - they were just a minute from our house and they did not call or stop by.

We have lived in NY for 5 years and they have never made the trip to see us although they promise to every year. We always have to go to them - ALWAYS.

In the 10 years I lived in Cincinnati - my parents came out 4 times, my sister 6 times, granted not a lot of times but it was a 12-14 hour drive and they did make the effort. His family drove right by and never did. I see my family 2-3 times a month sometimes more - we live a mile apart but they do not intrude or hover. I think things are great. My husband claims that he takes the back seat to my family. He claimed a lot of things that aren't true last night - bottom line he wants to go back to Ohio and it doesn't matter what I want and he will say all manner of hurtful and untrue things if he thinks it will get him his way.

So why on earth would I want to totally uproot my life? I don't.

If I get a full time job and this nonsense doesn't stop? Well I guess he can go without me and I'll be just fine.

Trying not to get discouraged...

The great cover letter I wrote last week in application for a local job didn't get a call back. The deadline for applications was last Friday and I felt confident and hopeful. I thought I'd get a call early in the week to at least set up an interview and talk to me - I mean what could just talking to me hurt? But it seems once again I won't even get the call after really pouring myself into that letter.

I just don't get it. :(

Depression...

I think that many of this weeks major drama's have come because of my husband's birthday - it was Tuesday and he turned 44 years old. I think he's feeling his age and is depressed because he's getting older, getting less and less capable and more and more dependent on me. He knows it, I know it. His way of fighting it is to fight me. Well if that is what he wants to do.

I did plan a trip for his birthday and we are going to Springfield, MA for 2 days. Day one will be the NBA Hall of Fame and then we will check into a nice hotel with a 2 person hot tub in the room for 2 nights. The second day we are going to attend the Big E - Eastern States Exposition - basically like the state fair for all of New England, a big deal. Another night in the hopefully fabulous hotel and then back home.

I need some time away and hoping that husband will leave his attitude and his mean spirit at home and that we might really have a nice time.

Here's hoping.

The Big D...

No not getting one - not yet anyway. But my husband throws that word out expecting me to panic and back down and give him his way. I have told him that I don't believe in divorce and I won't do it -but when he's being a jerk and picking a fight and I'm not backing down or giving in he throws that word in there as a threat, to manipulate, to break my will.

It doesn't work anymore. He throws it in there and I start thinking of how my life could be if I didn't have to be a constant caregiver to someone who treats me with disrespect and disdain. I start to think about doing what I want and going where I want and only having myself to worry about.

I still don't plan to divorce him - but that word no longer has the power to reduce me to a quivering mess of tears. I won't plead. I won't cry. If he insisted and left today I would miss what we had long ago - but I already miss that.

Tired of holding it all together...

I fight to hold it all together, to keep things going the way I want them to go, and to keep all the balls in the air, the plates spinning, etc. And some days I just want to forget it all.

Yesterday my husband tells me he wants to move back to Ohio and suggests that perhaps if I don't want to go that we should go our separate ways. He throws out the D word when being obstinate but for the first time I actually said - maybe that would be best. He kind of shut up then.

And yet I think if he really pushes this I will plant my feet and refuse to budge. We moved here because he didn't want to be in Cincinnati anymore and when I suggested coming here he was fine with it. Now he doesn't like it but I have no plans to move again. I have my family here to support me as he continues to deteriorate and if I get to Ohio with his family and he decides to be a total jerk well then I don't have my support system and honestly we can't afford to move.

I feel like if he could show me that he could be the husband I used to have again, the one that was kind most of the time, the one that said thank you sometimes and I'm sorry sometimes, well maybe for that guy I would consider moving again. But for the guy that I live with day to day now? Nope I'm not going to go, and honestly I'm not sure I want to try and hold it all together anymore. If it falls apart - it does - and I can say I tried, I truly did, but I just can't keep it up. I'm tired.

Turning over a new leaf...

It's fall and the leaves are changing here much sooner than I'd care for, but I've got the spirit of change raging in me. It's time to make so many changes in my life.

I've applied for a job - likely full time. It would pay less than 1/2 of my last full time job and yet it would be close to home and much more fun I think. Deadline for applications is the 17th so I'm not sweating the fact that I didn't get a call back that same day after my wickedly awesome cover letter was sent. :)

I started taking a weekly exercise class - and we all know that once a week is not enough so I'm trying to get in some other workouts during the week. Today is a beautiful fall day and I am planning to take a walk either with my neighbor or my dog - but one way or the other I will get in 30 minutes of walking time. Tomorrow looks like rain - perhaps a day of wii fit would be good? Shooting for 30 minutes a day 3-5 days a week to start.

I need to do a nice fall cleaning job in my home - get it ready to be shut up for the winter, need to air it out now while I still can. I hate cleaning - HATE IT and when I had a good job I paid a cleaning lady once a week. I cannot really justify that when I'm home most days but if I start to work full time I might consider it again although I know my husband would fight that so it might not be worth the fight.

So in the spirit of not jumping into more than I can handle today's tasks are - clear the kitchen counter, wet mop the floor, and take my walk. I can handle that. :)

A wing and a prayer...

There is a job advertised in a business in my small town - it is for a woman business owner that is known to be smart, savvy, compassionate, and funny. I am interested in this position although if you look at my resume it is definitely beneath my skills and education. I want the chance to talk to this woman because I think she would feel for my situation and give me a chance. I know I could be a great thing for her business too. I've applied for several local positions that would be the same - beneath my skills but I am willing and yet they don't even call me back. So this time I wrote this cover letter hoping to get her to at least talk to me:

Dear Business Owner,

I would like to be considered for your Data Entry & Processing Specialist position. I am smart, mature, educated, and funny. You will find me loyal and hard working and extremely speedy. I once completed a data entry project that was slated to take 6 months in just over 6 weeks, this was unfortunate as I worked myself right out of that temporary position. I type 70+ WPM and am highly accurate, I'm smart enough to question things that just don't make sense rather than just type what I see as some data entry clerks I've worked with in the past.

You may wonder why someone with my education level and experience is applying for this level of a job, and in past cover letters I have focused on my qualifications and not gotten the call back I had hoped for. So I am going to be very honest with you - yes I do have an MBA and years of Marketing experience. I also have a disabled veteran husband who depends on me for many things. He is self sufficient day to day but I don't feel comfortable being 50-60 miles away in case of emergency and Albany is where those level jobs are at. I need flexibility in my scheduling because every 4 weeks I need an afternoon to take him to the VA Hospital in Albany for appointments. I need to work for someone who will understand this responsibility and respect me for it.

What I can offer you? Loyalty, Smarts, Computer Expertise (Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access and more), a friendly face in your office, a professional presence in your business. I am also quite confident that I can do a job that would take the average person 40 hours in 30 hours per week. I don't think you would be disappointed in my performance if you gave me a chance.

If you are interested in discussing further I can be reached at home-phone or cell-phone. I do hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

~Tricia