Sunday, September 26, 2010

Heart to Heart....

Last night my husband and I talked - for the most part he stayed calm but he is very adamant that he wants to go back to Ohio and I'm pretty tied to NOT doing that.

He told me that he thought it would be easier for me to find a job there. I asked him if I found a full time job here would he lay off? He said he would.

I'm on a mission. I am NOT leaving my family behind again to go be near his family who he doesn't even really like. They are pressuring him to come home when he talks to them and I don't appreciate that. For 7 years we lived in a house about 40 minutes drive from where his sister and now his mother live. His mom would come down to visit the sister and they would NEVER come visit us. In 7 years his family came to our house 2 times! We always had to go to them and then we would hear stories about how they went to the casino and drove within a mile of our house but couldn't be bothered to call and see if we wanted to go or to stop by and say hello. One time they stopped and got off the highway to go to an antique store at the end of our subdivision - they were just a minute from our house and they did not call or stop by.

We have lived in NY for 5 years and they have never made the trip to see us although they promise to every year. We always have to go to them - ALWAYS.

In the 10 years I lived in Cincinnati - my parents came out 4 times, my sister 6 times, granted not a lot of times but it was a 12-14 hour drive and they did make the effort. His family drove right by and never did. I see my family 2-3 times a month sometimes more - we live a mile apart but they do not intrude or hover. I think things are great. My husband claims that he takes the back seat to my family. He claimed a lot of things that aren't true last night - bottom line he wants to go back to Ohio and it doesn't matter what I want and he will say all manner of hurtful and untrue things if he thinks it will get him his way.

So why on earth would I want to totally uproot my life? I don't.

If I get a full time job and this nonsense doesn't stop? Well I guess he can go without me and I'll be just fine.

3 comments:

sunshine said...

He is being very selfish and unreasonable Tricia.
I'm glad that you are in a place where you realize that you'd be okay without him.

I'm all for people staying together and trying to work out their problems but, you have and if he wants to go then, that will be his choice. You stay where you are.

I hope that his family, who are encouraging him to come back home, are willing to be his full time caregivers when it's comes to that. He already needs help. How much more will he need say, 5 years down the road??

If he can't love and appreciate you for all that you have done for him then that's his loss.
You're a great woman and you will be just fine.
We're all here for you.

((Hugs))
Laura

Queen-Size funny bone said...

hell if my husband had family and wanted to go I would encourage him to go and go on with my life. the problem here is his sister and mom don't want anything to do with him and his condition. stick to your guns.

ain't for city gals said...

Personally, I would call his bluff...he is just looking for a re-action from you...knowing which buttons to push. Calmly tell him you are not going and that is that...you don't wish to discuss it anymore.