I spent most of my life being the insecure girl who hid this by being the class clown, the funny girl, the "leader" even. Because I compensate for my insecurity by acting overly confident and secure most people never guess about the real me inside. Only my close friends know the truth, and even with them I project that secure person most of the time because there is nothing more annoying than a friend who needs constant reassurance that she is worthy of your time.
So I don't act insecure 99% of the time even though I probably feel it about 50% of the time. I'm good at faking it.
Today I started having a mini-meltdown inside (good at hiding remember). My husband sent me an email to call him when I got a chance. So I did, and his phone went right to voice mail. I kept trying for an hour and a half. It. Went. Straight. To. Voicemail. I started to freak inside. Who was he talking to? Why was he on the phone for such a long period of time. Was he talking to a woman? Was he flirting with her?
My rational mind said - it's work related - he's with a user or a vendor and it's no big deal. I kept working between dialing his number every 5 minutes to have it go straight to voice mail. I hung up. Didn't leave even one frantic message. Thankfully my rational mind was right (it usually is), he was on the line with a vendor regarding their virus software and it actually took that long to fix his problem. He called me back as soon as he hung up.
I feel like such a moron for letting something like this get to me for even a minute much less an hour and a half. I wish I could feel secure 99% of the time instead of just faking it half the time. At 38 I don't hold out a lot of hope for major changes in this area though.