Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Dear Readers...

It amazes me how many of you there are now. In just 5 short months I went from having 2 readers (VBC and Meghan) to having lots and lots of you. Of course like everyone else I have a little stats counter that shows me where you are all coming from and most of my traffic comes from comments left on other blogs or google reader for my regulars.

There is one IP address that shows up about 4-5 times a day - but this particular reader never comments. And they live close to me, almost too close for comfort. I wonder if this person knows me, or my husband. But they remain anonymous and that is okay, I won't try to drive them out of hiding by posting their location or anything. :)

Because my good friend Linda over at Brain Cheese did this today and I've been contemplating it for awhile I decided today's the day. SO here you go - search terms that find my blog:

  • Smirnoff Wild Grape - and several other variations including one that says "How old to buy Smirnoff Ice"
  • "What type of test did they do to find out who was a witch in the middle ages." this from a one time hit from a domain in Australia. Hmmm - wonder who they are trying to pin the witch flag on?
  • Middle Age YIKES! pretty much sums up my feeling about it too.
  • Picture of muscular middle age man - for what?
So there you have it - the 4 top searches that find my website on this Wednesday afternoon. Now back to your regularly scheduled afternoon.

Keeping my fingers crossed...

Talked to friend (and boss from former company) who's opinion I respect and she agreed that this was a good way to approach the fact that my promised 6 month raise never happened. So I sent this off to my new boss this morning (officially started reporting to him yesterday). So now keeping my fingers crossed. But I do believe this will be made right. Here's the message I sent him:


My six month anniversary was 4/15/08 and OldBoss did give me my review on the 21st. However no mention was made of a salary increase. When I was hired by OldVP he had told me I would receive a nice bump in salary after 6 months of employment.

I assume with the change in reporting structure and title from Account Coordinator under OldBoss to Database Account Manager under you that this has just fallen through the cracks, so I wanted to bring it to your attention.

I’d be happy to stop by to discuss if you’d like.


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Terrible Tuesday

Found out that my husband is being a total fucktard again. I don't want to go into a lot of details here but he has really put me through the wringer this past year and it looks like he might be getting ready to do it again.

How do I know this? Well it's because I'm a horrible snooping wife. I need to stop the snooping because it just causes me horrible internal angst. But he is the one who initially ruined the trust, and caused me to feel like I had to keep tabs on him. So I blame him for causing me to be a snoop in the first place.

So what am I going to do? If I let him know I'm on to him he will just hide it better and I'll be in the dark and he'll act like I'm the bad guy in all of this, which maybe I am. The lack of trust certainly shows in other areas of our relationship and maybe I'm driving him away.

Today I'm just sad, and confused, a bit lonely and somewhat nauseous. Not necessarily looking for opinions or advice (since I didn't really share details you'd be shooting in the dark anyway) but just feeling down and felt like pouring out a bit of it here.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Manic Monday - Ramblings

First of all - MY CAR IS BACK IN THE GARAGE! ARGH - on Friday the 18th I had to take it in for a loud engine noise that turned out to be something stripped and flipping around on the starter. They kept it until Tuesday the 22nd and I expected all to be well. Then this morning I turned the key and nothing happened! (well lights came on and things dinged and the radio was blaring, but the car did not start) After turning the key about 15 times with the same result I called the dealership. Not a happy camper but they told me to call Roadside Assistance and have it towed in. So I did - and that was an experience worthy of blogging about - the tow truck driver was approximately 20 years old? Maybe 22-25 but YOUNG, and he took the most indirect, backasswards way of taking my car to the dealer I can possibly imagine. He went at least 10-15 miles out of his way, he took the worst roads imaginable, he refused to take interstate routes and insisted on going straight through the heart of Schenectady going up State Street to the dealer. From my house it is about 40 miles to the dealer, if I was driving it would have taken no more than 50 minutes, we left my house at 9am and got to the dealer at 10:20. UGH Now I'm waiting to hear back as to what crazy thing is now wrong with my BRAND FREAKING NEW CAR that should be having no such problems. :(

Second of all - my house is clean, not spotless but clean. The maid came for 4 hours on Saturday, she thoroughly cleaned both bathrooms and the kitchen. She did a good job in the bathrooms and the kitchen. She also "dusted" in my bedroom. The "quotes" are because she did not pick up the doilies or remove anything and dust underneath. She did not use pledge but just used the dampened cloth she had used to clean the mirrors, damp with WINDEX - on my wood! (hubby saw her do this) And she did not dust the base or sides at all and they were dusty. While she did bathrooms and kitchen I dusted all wood furniture in living room and dining room, I moved all the furniture away from the walls and vacuumed under and behind. I washed the windows in the living room. I moved the furniture back and vacuumed the rest of the room. I also took all the animals aside and used the deshedding comb and brush on them to try and prevent future hair problems but they are still shedding like crazy (it's that time of year). So the maid is coming back this week, she did tell me that I should give her direction for how I want things done, and if she isn't doing something to my liking to tell me as she is not sensitive. So I probably won't mention the WINDEX incident but I will ask her to use Pledge on all wooden surfaces and to please remove everything and dust then put it back. Seems like common sense to me? But then I am often guilty of dusting around things when in a hurry, but I don't do this for a living either. So we'll see - if she truly is not sensitive and takes direction well then she may work out. If not well there are other options.

And finally - work related - I have been here for six months and had my review last week. It was excellent. When I was hired I was told I would get a raise at the six month mark. Payday is Wednesday and no one has mentioned it to me. Also I have been given a new job opportunity and am finally free to start working on it more full time and my new title is a promotion without a doubt. So, do I wait until Wednesday and see no raise in my paycheck? Do I address it now? And who on earth do I address it to? My "old" boss who gave me the review? His boss, the VP who hired me and made the promise? Or my new boss who gave me the higher titled position? I'm leaning toward the VP that made the promise - but he is someone I find a bit intimidating so talking to him is "scary" LOL. EEEKS? I can't do nothing? I've earned this raise, truly I have and I want it now. If no one turned in a pay increase for me then there's no way it will happen this pay period anyway so maybe I should just wait till Wednesday and then mention it as I'm leaving for the day (Thursday and Friday are going to be vacation days for me). I'm so bad at this type of thing!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Wicked Wednesday...

Not feeling particularly wicked anymore! I hired a maid who is coming this Saturday to do spring cleaning with me as I will probably work along side of her as there is so much to do. My current mood can best be described as ECSTATIC! And I am in this weird twilightzonelike place where everything is a great deal. The gym $20 a month. The housekeeper $15 an hour! Can you believe it? I'd pay twice that just to not have to do it myself!

So I'm feeling wicked awesome (is that too 80's?) about my good luck lately!

Some wicked cool things I'd like to do now that housework doesn't have to be a weekly chore for me:
  • Scrapbooking - have had the stuff for YEARS and no time to work on it. Although I might find my passion for that has died out a bit over time.
  • More gardening! Planting flowers and veggies is more interesting than scrubbing toilets to me.
  • Enjoying my freshly cleaned house without having to put in the elbow grease to get it that way!
Okay I just wanted to thank everyone that encouraged me to do this and let you know how great it's working out so far.

American Bloggers - 50 Blogs in 50 States

I'm going to add myself to this list! Drum up some traffic and read some new blogs. Thanks for sharing Maxie! :)

Here's the link for anyone who wants to be a joiner too! :) --> American Bloggers

If I have time I'll be back with a Wicked Wednesday later because I really have my sass on today!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I give up...

I know Meghan will be glad of this news because she's been after me to just do this for several years. I am standing in my house - contemplating spring cleaning with a feeling of total despair coming over me. I cannot possibly get it all done before hubby's best friend and his wife arrive on May 1st. You would think 2 weeks would be enough time to clean a house but you would be wrong.

It's an ongoing battle and I've let clutter accumulate so over the winter that I have 2 full days just to clean out the spare room so they have someplace to sleep. I plan to cram most of that decluttering into one afternoon - TODAY. It has to be done, HAS TO!

Then I will also run the vacuum because it's way over due through the entire house. But my house needs major cleaning - kitchen, bathrooms, floors, baseboards, woodwork, furniture. Easily a weeks worth of chores if I wasn't going to work.


So I'm breaking down - calling the cleaning lady who's name I have had for over a year. Please internet friends - PRAY that she is accepting new clients and can get started this week. PRAY HARD!


Friday, April 18, 2008

Flashback Friday - Internet Dating a love story...

The most eventful year of my life so far was 1997 – it was the year I turned 27. It was the year my career took off. It was the year I met my husband.

It starts in May when the guy I had been dating for just 6 months but was head over heels for broke my heart. Shattered. It. I fell into a deep depression and didn’t eat more than a few bites at a time for over a month, I would come home from work and hop on my bike and ride 10 miles it was the only time I wasn’t crying or totally numb. Combine – very little food – lots of exercise for the endorphins and one overweight girl and I quickly dropped 50lbs. By July I was looking pretty good and feeling better about myself too. It was time to start dating again.

I placed a personal ad on Yahoo Personals – this was back in the day when it was free and thus loaded with a lot of CRAP and filtering through it all was difficult. So here was my ad (at least the best I can remember over 10 years later):

Single, White, Female (with 2 cats)
My grandmother tells me that a woman living alone with 2 cats will NEVER find a man. So who wants to prove her wrong? (of course it was attached to my profile with a picture and other vital details like my age, height, hair color, body type, etc)

You would not believe the freaks that came out of the woodwork for this ad. I went on three dates and I will describe them each to you.

Date#1 – After a few emails and one phone call we agree to meet at Don Pablo’s at Harpers Point (this is in Cincinnati) and since his profile has no picture he tells me he will look for me since he knows what I look like. He told me he was 30 years old 6’ tall and muscular. I see him as soon as I walk through the door. I consider turning around and walking back out. He is more like 40 years old. He is 5’8” at most and is wearing cowboy boots with an extra 2” in the heel. He is not muscular, he is FAT. I am not prejudiced against guys with extra weight. I am however prejudiced against LIARS! But he spots me and I’m not brave enough to just blow him off and leave. So we sit down and eat, ah well free dinner right? Nope, I offer to pay half and he LETS ME! Then when we are done he asks me if I want to go to a movie or to a bar to hang out (it’s 7pm?) and it’s time to be brutally honest, I just say NO and tell him I need to get home as I have to work the next day and then I run to my car to get out so he can’t follow me.

Okay they can’t all be that bad right?

Date#2 – He’s from Kentucky and I’m from northern Cincinnati so we agree to meet at Uno’s in Clifton as it’s sort of central for us. He has not misled me – he looks just like his picture, he’s tall and attractive. We get our seats and start talking. And this is where things go south. This guy was a widower – at 28 years old he was a widower. His wife and baby daughter had both been killed in a tragic car accident about a year prior. We hadn’t even ordered yet and he was SOBBING at the table telling me about it. I felt horrible for him, but talk about uncomfortable. Clearly if he can’t talk about it without a total meltdown then he is NOT ready to date. Somehow we make it through the food and it comes time to get out of there. He walks me to my car like a gentleman and then leans in for a kiss, I quickly avert and it lands on my cheek. Then he asks me if I would like to go out with him again? I tried to be kind as I said “no offense, but I don’t think you’re ready for this.” Even if things might have worked out there was no way I wanted to live in the shadow of a dead wife.

Third time’s the charm right?

Date#3 – He’s from Columbus, this is about 80 miles from where I live so must be carefully planned. We talk a lot on the phone and instant messenger. Finally he makes the trip down and stays with friends in my area. He had sent me several pictures and described himself as a body builder type. Normally not my type but he really seemed nice. Turns out the pictures were old – he looked like a body builder that had stopped working out and turned into the Michelin Man type. But he was still kinda cute and so even though he was more fat than muscular and was losing a lot more hair than the picture showed I thought I’d give him a shot. We went out twice. Then I started getting strange emails in my Yahoo account. I thought it was some weirdo. I would tell him about it online and on the phone. The emails talked about where I lived and where I worked and they said someone was watching me. I freaked out a bit. Finally I figured out by some of the details that it was this guy I had dated twice and we had planned a third. I confronted him – he denied. He was taking the police exam and wanted to be an officer – I told him I had reported these weird emails and that my ISP tracked them to Columbus and were notifying the Columbus PD. He FREAKED out thinking I was going to ruin his changes at becoming a police officer. That was the end of him.

I took down the damn ad. INSANE! I stopped looking online and started hanging in clubs – had a few doozy dates that way too.

Then in the end of August, about a month after the ad was pulled, I got a tentative email that said: “I replied to your ad about the cats last month and then my hard drive crashed and I lost all my emails so I don’t know if you emailed me back. I have a cat of my own.” I literally laughed out loud and thought – wow this guy is lame. But I emailed him back, told him about my dating disasters and we started sharing jokes. Then we started playing an online game together called Acrophobia – we flirted heavily in the chat box. We started talking on the phone sometimes. The game had ad’s between sets and many were for movies – we talked about getting together for a movie.

Finally on Tuesday, December 16th 1997 we met for dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse. He was cute. He was shy. He was smart. I wasn’t really sure he was interested in me – I did most of the talking because he was so quiet. I must have mentioned that the following night I was going to be playing pool at a certain bar as part of my league. I didn’t tell him where it was but the next night who should walk into the bar? It was him. Friday he met me for lunch. Friday night he took me out to Olive Garden and to a movie (one of the Scream films?). He took me home Friday night and gave me a sweet kiss at the door and said goodnight. He called me on Saturday to see what I was doing. I made something up – was kinda freaked at how much time we’d spent together in that first week. I went out dancing with some friends just so I wasn’t available. Sunday he asked me to come to his apartment for pizza and a movie. I had a lot of errands to run as it was nearly Christmas but I agreed. I showed up in a baggy old sweatshirt, jeans and my hair in a ponytail. We ate pizza, we watched movies, we listened to music, we made out for hours. We ah did more. I left his apartment at 6am to go home and get ready for work. I was in LOVE!  We became joined at the hip for awhile – moved in together in March 1998 – it was too soon, nearly ruined us. I moved back out in August 1999 and lived on my own for 6 months – he missed me. He chased again. He proposed. I moved back in and on November 11, 2000 I married that guy. I still love him. We still have the three cats! :)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I've discovered Smirnoff Ice - Wild Grape

Hubby's cousin introduced me to this fabulous malt beverage on Sunday night. I consumed a "few" of them and they taste just like grape soda from the very first sip. Dangerous because you would never know there was a drop of alcohol in them and I could drink quite a few. On Monday night they offered me more of these lovely beverages while we ate pizza and vegged out after the funeral. After 2 of these I am a bit buzzed (because I am a total lightweight when it comes to alcohol) and I have to pee - really badly!!!!

So I have a choice - upstairs to the bathroom that is under construction and I'm not really sure where it is in their house - OR downstairs to the full bath in the basement which I have used many times in past visits. I decide to go with what I know and head down the stairs. It's dark, these are narrow basement stairs but I make it down and around and am heading for the home stretch. This bathroom is in a new section under an addition and so it's not at the same level. I know there are steps down from old level to new level. I know that if I feel around the corner I might find the light switch but the bathroom light is on way off in the distance so I figure I'll just follow it. I start down the steps - there are two - this is what I was thinking.

WRONG - as I step down to what I think is the floor I start to move more quickly toward the bathroom (did I mention I really, really have to pee?) but SHIT there's another step and I realize this as I am sliding across the concrete floor on my face. My head knocks into a rocking chair and sends it sliding away. I come to a stop, wind knocked out of me, totally disoriented, and yet surprisingly it seems unhurt? How is this possible? I just landed on my left knee and forearm before sliding on my face/chest and am now 6 feet across the room from where I started.

I test the waters slowly - arm seems okay, getting up on knees - OUCH - knee is a little tender let's try the other one - it's okay. Can I stand? Yes I can, so I get up and continue to the bathroom do my business and head back upstairs. On the way I put the rocking chair back where it started and I don't say a word when I get back up there.

Other than a small bruise and what looks like rug burn from my jeans I guess on my knee, I'm just fine! I guess it was that ragdoll drunk thing that kept me from breaking something in that fall. I attribute both the fall and my lack of injuries to the lovely Smirnoff Ice Wild Grape. To prevent future injuries I bought a 6 pack last night at the grocery since I'll never stop being a total klutz that much is certain.

Now for some good news!

My husband had his first neurologist appointment yesterday since starting the Tysabri. His last visit was in November when the Doc took him off Betaserone and prescribed the Tysabri. The good news - he has improved! After a pretty thorough physical exam that checks strength as well as standard reflexes we sat down to talk with the doctor. He told us that hubby's reflexes had improved since November and were basically normal where in November they were sluggish. His gait has not improved however and this is hubby's largest area of concern. Doc said after watching him walk down the hall and back that his opinion is that hubby's balance is off and so he is compensating for that with a wider stance that gives him more stability but that this type of gait keeps the muscles constantly contracted and will tire him out in no time at all. So - he is continuing the Tysabri and we are going to get him an appointment with a Physiologist that works at the MS Clinic at the Rehabilitation Hospital where his doctor also works. He said that he can "retrain" hubby to walk with a more normal gait and help alleviate some of his problems.

So that is the MS update - it's good news - after only 3 doses of Tysabri he is showing improvement and it can only get better from here! Today I feel hopeful, I believe he will get better, I am happy.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I'm back...

It was a long, drama filled 4 days. We left Saturday morning to drive to Pittsburgh and 7 hours later we arrived. The minute we got there hubby's italian aunts started feeding us, in times of crisis or happy times, italian grandmother types feed you and you just can't say no. If you decline to eat they will ask you every 5 minutes if you want something, it's easier to just eat it. So I probably gained 5lbs from 4 days of pasta, pastries, and wine.

The visiting hours at the funeral home were from 1-4 and 6-9 on Sunday. In those 6 hours over 600 people made their way through to pay respects. I was amazed, I've never seen anything like it. The deceased cousin had a 17 year old son and all of his friends came which was very touching. Her brother is a volunteer fire captain and the entire volunteer firefighter organization came, there had to be 3 dozen of them that came through all at once. Then there were friends of the deceased, friends of her parents, her husband, her sister, her brother - so many people came it was really touching.

The funeral on Monday was smaller - but very emotional as seems to be the tradition for Italian funerals. The funeral mass was interrupted when one of my husband's aunts (not the mother) collapsed. She had not slept, nor eaten for days and she had been dizzy that morning. She was white as a sheet, her heart was racing and she couldn't seem to catch a breath. We were not sure if it was a panic attack or her heart. They stopped the mass - she was taken out in an ambulance and taken to the hospital. The funeral resumed. We went from the church to the cemetery for the final part of the service and at this part there was a lot of wailing and crying and several people throwing themselves on the coffin. It is so hard to watch but at least I was not completely taken aback by it all since this is the 3rd family funeral I've attended and they have all gone this way. Finally the funeral was over - we were sent to the firehall for food/refreshments but instead we went to the hospital to check on his aunt. She was not well, her heart rate was going from 60-190 and back. Her blood pressure was much higher than it should be and then dropped dangerously low. Of course she was dehydrated and so her electrolytes were out of whack and her potassium was low from not eating. She was mortified that she ruined the funeral and being downright ornery not wanting to stay at the hospital. They ended up sedating her and she finally got some sleep - and they gave her potassium and fluids and later that evening she was looking so much better.

So finally Tuesday morning we left to come home. I'm tired and sore (missed the last step on some stairs on Monday night and fell flat on my face and really banged up my left knee and my shoulder is sore too) . I'm also very behind on spring cleaning and we are having company in 2 weeks time. And I had to use 2 personal days for this because spouse's cousin is not covered under bereavement leave. Luckily I have the time and my company is so extremely accommodating. But it's not how I planned to use my time! Oh well.

Friday, April 11, 2008

A life cut short...

My husband's cousin died today. She was 49 years old. She had a headache yesterday morning and her son asked her to go see a doctor as she had been having a lot of headaches and feeling dizzy. She told him she was going to work. She never made it. She ran into a guard rail and then got out of her car, other drivers stopped, someone called 911. She lost consciousness somewhere along the way but was taken to the local hospital where a scan revealed bleeding on the brain. She was airlifted to the nearest big city where they operated to try and stop the bleeding from an aneurysm, they also discovered a tumor the size of a golf ball. They were unable to stop the bleeding, the closed her up and today they told the family that there was no hope she would ever recover and she was only being kept alive by the machines. She was taken off life support around noon today.

We are leaving in the morning to go be with his family. The funeral is Monday. I'll be out of touch for the next three days as we are traveling.

Life is short. Live to the fullest while you can.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

So I joined a gym

After getting all kinds of pissed off because the local Curves is closed at lunch time I talked to other co-workers and discovered a brand new Planet Fitness opened right around the corner from the Curves. Let me tell you this place is AWESOME! At least 20 treadmills, 20 eliptical trainers, stationary bikes, recumbent bikes, cross country ski machines. Weight machines all over the place - free weights for the muscle heads - and a 30 minute weight training circuit where you do each machine for a set time and move when the light flashes.

HUGE - clean locker rooms with showers! Massage chairs that you can use for no additional cost with your membership AND at least 7 tanning beds that are also included in your membership.

How much do you think a club like this might cost? Well Curves was $34.95 per month and doesn't feature half of this stuff, no locker room with showers for sure, no cardio machines, no hot guy on the elliptical in front of me flexing his hot ass... So this fantastic club costs ....
wait for it....
seriously wait for it...
really it's that good....
$19.95 a month! That's it! Unlimited use of the tanning alone costs more than that anywhere else! I probably won't use the tanning because melanoma isn't my idea of fun, neither is turning into an old wrinkled piece of leather. BUT what a deal right?

I worked out for 30 minutes today - walked on the treadmill and kept my heart rate in the fat burning range. Tomorrow I'm going to try the machines that kinda look like one of those gazelle glider things only much more seriously industrial. I think they might be ski or snowshoe like movements? Not sure but looked easier than the elliptical but a step up from just walking on a treadmill.

My goal? Well to be smoking hot of course! ;-) And maybe healthier would be good too?

So I'm glad Curves was closed - or I might have signed up for their lousy little club and missed out on this great place!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


Today I received a copy of XYZCo's IT Usage Policy and while they continue to say they want to be free and open regarding personal use of company systems the specifically address every possible use of company IT networks and systems. Here is section 4.4

4.4 Blogging
  1. Blogging by employees, whether using XYZ Company's property and systems or personal computer systems, is also subject to terms and restrictions set forth in this policy. Limited and occasional use of XYZ Company's systems to engage in blogging is acceptable, provided that it is done in a professional and responsible manner, does not otherwise violate XYZ Company's policy, is not detrimental to XYZ Company's best interests, and does not interfere with an employee's regular work duties. Blogging from XYZ Company's systems is also subject to monitoring
It goes on to talk about not revealing proprietary information or trade secrets, not tarnishing the image of the company or any of it's employees, engaging in harassing or discriminatory practices in blogging.

I knew that it was possible some IT guy could track me to this blog from server logs eventually. But I have to wonder if my blogging at work led to this inclusion or do lots of people here do it? We are a tech company so lots of internet nerds around this place. Yet I feel singled out (even though I'm probably crazy). Would all my blathering about RBT be considered tarnishing to his image? I mean I never name him by name or anything.

In the email section we have this lovely disclaimer about offensive comments - The email system shall not be used for the creation or distribution of any disruptive or offensive messages about race, gender, hair color, disabilities, age, sexual orientation, pornography, religious beliefs and practice, political beliefs, or national origin.... Hair color? Really? Are blondes a protected class now? Let's cover all bases I guess.

I guess my blogging will mostly be from home now just in case this was aimed at me and I'll have to lay off the blonde jokes I guess. I'm about to sign and turn in my paper saying I have read the policy and acknowledge that violating it could lead to termination. The policy is 10 pages long and is not all about blogging - it's about internet and email, spamming, virus protection, password policies, etc. I still feel it is all about me because well... isn't everything about me?

Wordless Wednesday - THINGS...

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Hitting a wall...

Friends, I need to complain. I need to gripe, grouse, whine, cry and SCREAM. I am hitting a wall today in a big way and I don't know which way to turn.

My husband got a wild hair today about his Tysabri infusions - he has decided that it is just too inconvenient for him to drive the 35 miles to the infusion center to have this treatment and started looking for alternatives. He has called his doctor and left a message, called an in home infusion company to see if he could get it set up in home. I told him that Tysabri is restricted and can only be given at authorized infusion centers. BUT some little bimbo who doesn't know what she is talking about at the infusion center told him sure they could do it so now he is accusing me of not being on his side.

I tried to explain to him what I know - he accuses me of hiding things from him because he doesn't remember how hard I fought to get this all set up in January. He is so pessimistic at the best of times but today for some reason he is worse. He sent me a long email that included this line: "Is it time for me to just give up? Is it time for me just to say goodbye and alleviate the trouble from everyone else who treats me and worries about me?" What am I supposed to do about this? Part of me thinks he's just having a big ole pity party and part of me wants to have him admitted on a psych hold because I worry he might be a danger to himself. Of course he would not forgive me for something like that.

He is convinced he is going to get fired for using too much time - BUT he has been approved for FMLA on an intermittent basis so legally they cannot fire him. He won't believe me.

His memory is shot, he is not making reasonable and rational decisions. The MS is taking away some cognitive function and I see it but he doesn't. He fights every step but he's not winning and I watch and can't do a thing. I have spent the past 3 hours trying not to cry. I have work to do - it's not getting done.

By the time I get home tonight he'll be acting like nothing ever happened. Meanwhile my heart is breaking. This sucks.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Random Thoughts...

We got a letter from the insurance company on Saturday - Hubby's 2nd dose of Tysabri was billed and the claim rejected - they said it had not received pre-approval. But it was approved for 6 doses so I don't get it? I think the infusion center screwed up and billed it incorrectly. I am wondering what I will need to do to facilitate this getting paid? If they send the bill to me ($5,128) it will definitely NOT be paid, but hopefully they will take care of what needs to be done. I better make the call before his next infusion just to make sure they don't turn him away.

I'm about to surpass $1,000 in donations for the MS Walk and still have a few stragglers who have promised to give. This is twice what my original goal was. People are much more likely to donate to things like this when you have a personal sob story to tell. I wish I didn't have a personal sob story.

I had good intentions today - I went out at lunch, I had decided, I was going to join Curves (the gym) BUT their hours are 6-noon and 3-8pm! Really? Not open at lunch time and there they are in the middle of office buildings all around. I would think lunchtime would be a busy time. I was annoyed, I was going to start working out at lunch, and NOW? I CAN'T!!!! The only other gym nearby is the YMCA and it costs twice as much! I can't afford twice as much. So I'll walk when I can and just deal, sucks when you get up your nerve to do something and then you can't.

My nephews are the cutest little boys on the planet! I took pictures of them yesterday (with me) and they were wearing their Thing 1 and Thing 2 shirts that I got them at Universal. :) I had a Thing 2 shirt on too! I'll try to drag them off the camera tonight if I remember. Funny thing about those two boys - the oldest is almost 5 and you'd think he was my child instead of my sister's - he is so much like me it's not funny! The youngest is more mellow - maybe more like her? But the older boy really loves to torture his baby brother - he is constantly in his face, kissing him and trying to hug him and mauling him. Poor baby is really annoyed by his brother most of the time.

Reminds me of me and my sister - I used to torture her. Having a little sibling is like having your own private punching bag! Your own private servant! I got all the good roles when playing games. Princess and the servant girl - of course being the older sister I was always the princess and I treated that servant girl like dirt but of course. So my older nephew being very much like me will likely reap the benefits of being the oldest child - just hope his baby brother isn't a total tattletale like my baby sister always was! :)

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Five Things...

The Thursday Thirteen is on hiatus this week, mainly because I am still too brain dead/fried from vacation to think of anything much less 13 things. So in it's place I offer up this MeMe that I grabbed off Maxie's blog Break Me Off a Piece of that Fancy Feast.

I'm not going to tag anyone in particular - so if your hearts desire is to do a meme? Go for it!

What I was doing ten years ago:

  1. Working for a Publishing Company as a Marketing Coordinator
  2. Newly moved in with my now hubby and getting used to living together
  3. Jet Skiing on weekends - it was a warm year and we put on wet suits and headed out on the lakes in March
  4. Being about 50lbs ligher than I am right now *sigh*
  5. Buying my first new car - a 1998 Toyota Corolla!

Five things on my To-do list today:

  1. Shipping out client files that are due today
  2. Training "C" to take over my responsibilities so I can move into new role
  3. Schedule a meeting with the database team for a project I am managing
  4. Update my project schedules/gannt charts
  5. Stop at mom & dad's on the way home for my dog feeding instructions (they are going to Florida tomorrow morning for 5 days and I'm feeding and caring for the pooch)

Snacks I enjoy:

  1. Chocolate!
  2. Rich Dark Chocolate
  3. Combos
  4. Anything with Peanut Butter (sometimes just a spoonful of it will do)
  5. Salt & Vinegar Chips (only during THAT time of the month)

Things I would do if I was a millionaire:

  1. Pay off all my debt & that of my immediate family & probably my 2 best friends too
  2. Give gifts to my friends
  3. Set up trusts for all my various nieces and nephews (if I was a MULTI millionaire)
  4. Travel - EXTENSIVELY - everywhere!
  5. Build my dream house

Five Bad Habits:

  1. Chocolate
  2. Procrastination
  3. Spending too much (especially on shoes)
  4. Laziness
  5. Trying to "control" things too much - is that a habit or a personality flaw?

Five places I have lived:

  1. Cobleskill, NY
  2. Schoharie, NY
  3. Fairfield, OH
  4. Loveland, OH
  5. Springdale, OH

Five Jobs I have Had:

  1. Waitress/Bartender
  2. Grocery Store Clerk
  3. Marketing Coordinator
  4. Brand Manager
  5. Database Account Manager

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I'm back...


Here is a run down of the trip:
  • Thursday night - stay up late packing and preparing
  • Friday morning - wake up to 8" of snow on the ground and finish packing - harrowing drive to work on unplowed roads - work all day - at 5pm left to drive to airport (my wonderful Dad brought my hubby to the airport so we'd only have one car there)
  • Friday evening - fly to Orlando (arrive at 10:30pm) pick up rental car - DRIVE 98 miles to Gainesville - check into crap motel - get to bed at 2am
  • Saturday morning - get up at 8am - get showered and dressed and repack everything into suitcase. Take hubby over to Target where we have to pay retail for 3 days supply of his mood stabilizing drug because he forgot to pack his pills. Get to the site by 9:45 am. Work from 10am - 7pm to pay for the trip (rental car, my airfare and 2 nights hotel).
  • Saturday night - eat at Steak and Shake - not my choice but hubby really, really wanted to eat there. Then drive the 98 miles back to Orlando to check into our super nice hotel for 2 nights. Arrive at 10pm and check in, crash.
  • Sunday morning - wake up around 7am - feeling somewhat refreshed, enjoy great continental breakfast at hotel (for me bagel with cream cheese, a glass of milk and a banana, for hubby - cereal, yogurt, and an english muffin) they had oatmeal and fresh fruit and juices and all kinds of pastries and such. It was a really nice spread. Then wait for shuttle to Universal Studios - when it was 1/2 an hour late we gave up - took our car and just paid the $11 to park which turned out better anyway as it put us much closer to the wheelchair rental counter than where the bus dropped off.
  • Sunday - what a nice day - it was sunny and warm but not too warm and there was a nice breeze so it felt great. We went through everything we wanted to see and left the park around 5:30 to go have margaritas and dinner at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville restaurant. It was the best steak I've had in a long, long time and it was so relaxed and fun. I had a mango frozen rita and hubby had TWO Patron rita's on the rocks. His were so strong that he was really quite tipsy after 2 of them! LOL We then went back to the hotel and relaxed watching TV and chilling out.

    - Sidebar about the hotel - this place was great - we had a King Suite, it had a great bathroom, a cushy soft bed that I LOVED, a sitting area with a sectional sofa, and ... a 42" LCD TV in the room! (could turn to be viewable from either bed or sofa here's a picture:
    It also had a small wet bar area with a fridge and a sink, coffee maker, etc. The Hyatt Place Universal Studios and I would highly recommend this place if you don't need resort amenities (pool is very small, no room service but a decent menu at the counter downstairs that you can just go pick up) but still want a nice room.
  • Monday - Islands of Adventure was PACKED, far busier than Universal the day before, we end up paying the extra $45 per person for the express pass or we wouldn't have time to ride most of the rides what with the hour long lines. It was HOT too and I have the sunburned nose and shoulders to show for it. We rode the Spiderman Ride - it was great as we remembered. We rode the Hulk Coaster and it was awesome! Then we headed around through the other areas - stopping in Jurassic Park for lunch - ending up at the Dueling Dragons coaster - made the mistake of riding one side and then hopping right on the other side - my equilibrium had not recovered and the second ride left me nauseous and dizzy, took me awhile to recover. No more thrill rides that day (there weren't any left anyway). Around 3pm we left the park - drove to the airport - sat there for 2-3 hours waiting for our flight. Got home at 11:45 last night and unpacked and went to bed.
  • Tuesday - I'm at work - sunburned shoulders, nose and forehead, exhausted, but still glad I went. I will sleep well tonight and probably will be in bed by 8:30.
So there you have it the whirlwind vacation.