Friday, August 21, 2009

Rough Week

Husband is in a mood - even though the doctor upped his mood stabilizing med it seems he's more on edge than before. If that continues might have to reconsider new dose? Twice this week he has been so rude and insensitive that I wished he would just leave and then felt horribly guilty for thinking that.

I'm becoming bored, need a plan of attack for finding a new job, new career, new something. Sitting around home with him all day is not a long term option - that is certain.

My car croaked today - under warranty - but scary to lose your power steering suddenly in the middle of trying to make a right into a parking lot. Had a few hassles surrounding this - first tow truck couldn't take us both so we had to call a taxi - this was frustrating as it took 40 minutes to get a taxi. Then dealership says they don't have the part needed and car won't be ready til Wed and oh by the way they DON'T have loaners. Hub's makes a few snide comments and limps around with his cane and talk about getting his wheelchair out of the car before they take it around. I mention we live an hour away and are kind of stranded - can't take a cab that far, etc. They magically come up with a loaner and we load his wheelchair and our stuff in the loaner and get out of there.

I'm tired now - today was an emotionally draining day. Hopefully tomorrow will be a recharge day as I'm going out with my sister and maybe my mom to a movie and dinner.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

20 Questions

I'm stealing this from K13 at Someday I'll Get There - you should check out her blog!

1. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?

Just around the area - it was in my Grampy's single engine plane and I wasn't yet 2 years old! :)

2. What is your earliest memory?
I climbed over the fence to get out of my yard and then ran across the road to visit my aunt. It was a house we moved away from when I was 4 so sometime before then.

3. What was your second grade teacher's name?
Mr Case

4. What was the last thing you watched on tv?
Army Wives

5. My uncle once:
gave me some career advice I wish I'd followed

6. How long was your longest relationship?
Pete and I are coming up on 13 years right now

7. What do you want to be?
Secure, happy, at peace, employed

8. What was the last thing you received in the mail?
A $10 gift card to Red Lobster

9. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
I couldn't possibly just pick one and can't think hard enough to narrow it down this morning

10. Would you prefer 10 inches of snow or 100 degree weather?
I'd take the snow!

11. What is your homepage set to?
my iGoogle page.

12. Last 5 websites you visited:
Facebook, Google Reader, VBC's Blog, The Mantel, Twitter

13. Were you a planned baby?

14. What do you believe is the meaning of life?
I wish I knew

15. What bill do you hate paying the most?
My mortgage - only because it is so big - LOVE that I own my home

16. How many schools did you attend through grade twelve?

17. The Cosby Show or The Simpsons?
I liked both

18. Three signs Summer is here:
humidity, heat, ice cream!

19. The last time you had your feelings hurt:
oh well that happens every day in this house

20. Who was your first best friend?
Margaret, we became BFF's in 2nd grade. She died from leukemia when we were 14, it was a defining moment in my life.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Gotta love how slow the government moves...

So today Pete had an appointment at Stratton VA Medical Center in Albany. This was his exam for his VA Comp & Pension application.

The good news - his MS has been service connected (as expected) and is currently showing 0% disability BUT that was what today was about.

The bad news? - The doctor who examined him was a specialist in internal medicine and the regional office had not sent Pete's file so he had only the briefest of information to pull from. But being prepared for government ineptitude I had all his medical records with me and was able to show him the most recent neurologists report and the neuro-psych evaluation. He said that since these were so recent he did not have to actually examine Pete - just asked us some questions and made some notes in the file.

All told we were there for 20 minutes with the doctor? Then we started running through the maze - first to travel to get a voucher to be paid for mileage. Then to the cashier to get cash for the voucher. Then to registration to get an ID card - but it turns out that based on last years income he is not eligible for VA Healthcare now - but once his % rating is changed from 0 to hopefully something more like 90-100% he will get all his healthcare for free.

So now waiting - sending in the last few doctor's reports to the regional office so they have this for his file since his file wasn't there today and they couldn't add it. They did offer to take the reports and send them in for me BUT I feel much more confident doing it myself.

So keeping fingers crossed for the highest possible % disability rating as higher numbers mean more $$$$ - and really with that neuro-psych evaluation added to the physical disability there should be no question of employability.

Monday, August 3, 2009

This week starts the testing...

My husband is going to the VA Hospital on Thursday to begin testing and evaluation for his compensation claim. Thankfully I am able to go with him - being unemployed right now while all this is going on is actually a blessing in disguise I think.

In preparation for all this I have been gathering the last few reports from doctors so we can get them copied and take them with us on Thursday.

One of the more disheartening ones is the neuro-psych evaluation report:
  • substantial difficulty recalling distinctive recent events
  • reduction in auditory attention/concentration
  • reduced cognitive processing speed
  • significant impulsivity/disihnibition
  • significantly below average in his ability to complete mental calculations
  • displays prominent deficiency in planning and organization
  • seems both labile and disinhibited in his daily fuctioning
A few quotes from the doctor's the final impression:

"Structured cognitive assessment corroborates very substantial persisting impairments in recent memory/new learning."

"The patient displays prominent deficiencies in self regulatory ability and self monitoring..."

While this all bodes well for the VA Disability claim, it is a huge black mark on our future. The Doctor recommends occupational therapy - I am hoping this is something we can get through the VA once this is all approved because he will need lots of visits and at $25 co-pay per visit under my insurance plan we just can't afford it.

I also pray that the VA Disability is at the max allowed amount because that would allow me to work part time and be available to take him to all these many appointments.

So hoping Thursday goes well and wishing there was a better prognosis. :(

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Can't Win for Losing...

Last night hubby and I went out with friends. We were out until the wee hours of the morning. We drank, we were silly, we had a great time. Today we slept way past noon and enjoyed not having to do anything in particular.

Then my sister asked if I would go out with her - she wanted to treat me to dinner and then go shopping. I said sure. I told hubby it would be AT LEAST nine before I was back home. At 10 I was nearly home and he called FURIOUS that I was still out.

He said that I forget that he has an ex wife that cheated on him and he didn't know if I was really with my sister, etc.

I am livid! I have never cheated on him, never even got close, there was one time when I'd had a really, really bad day and he had called me and berated me, belittled me and just brought me low, that night a male friend who was also in a very bad place and I had a talk. He reached out to me, he touched my knee, he touched my hand, he tried to comfort me and for brief instant I was tempted, very tempted to reach back and see what happened. But I resisted and it was over as soon as it started, we are still friends and thankfully nothing is weird between us. But I could have gone there and that day hubby had treated me so badly that I wanted to go there.

The thing that makes me mad is that in July 2007 my husband joined several adult "friend" websites. He spent hundreds of dollars and was talking to someone. He was planning to cheat on me with her. I caught him in the planning phase, I stopped him, and in the end I forgave him. The fact that he had gone so far down this path and hurt me so much and he has the audacity to accuse me of this because I was slightly later than he thought I should be? RIDICULOUS!

Then he starts in on how much he hates NY, how he hates living so close to my family, how we are not going to stay here. He tells me to put the house on the market. REALLY I say! I mean sure we sell this house does he think we can just up and move without any real money and no jobs? We are going to get a new house how exactly?

The only good thing is that thanks to the MS and all it has taken from him, he is unlikely to remember this stupid fight in another day or two. I wish I could forget things so easily.