Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!

I love halloween! It is my 2nd favorite holiday after Christmas. Since moving from Ohio back to upstate NY the husband and I have hosted an annual halloween costume party the weekend before halloween weekend. But when the party dwindled to only two attendee's last year we gave it up. We live in the sticks, it is hard to get people to come to the sticks for a party on a cold, windy, wet night and it always seems that is what we have.

So this year I have no costume, I have no party to host, I have not a damn thing to do tonight. The picture below is from halloween 2006 and my favorite costume (hubby's fave too). I'm considering wearing it tonight just for fun ;-). I like to call it Malice in Wonderland! Happy Halloween Everyone!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Winter - please go back to wherever it is you came from. Please?

Okay so this is my deck - on October 28th at 3pm. As you can see it is snowing today. They are saying 10-12" for my area of SNOW. It's October. Technically still fall. I am not pleased.

Just last night hubby and I were discussing if we should mow the grass one last time - guess that has been answered for us. Time to make sure the snowblower is front and center in the shed and ready at a moments notice to clear out the driveway.

Time to put away the summer shoes once and for all. Time to put those flirty skirts and blouses away until spring arrives again.

Time to pull up the flowers that have survived in my beds since May. Time to pull out the tomato plants and throw them on the compost heap.

Time to burrow in and prepare for a long cold winter. Global warming? Certainly not here in my little corner of the world.

*Updated to show a picture of what it looks like today. Wetter & heavier & drearier than the pic I had from January. More depressing for sure.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Friday, October 24, 2008

Dreams, Goals, Ambitions, Reality

I've come to realize that I am not as ambitious as I used to think I was. At first I felt all put out thinking my new boss was much younger than me but through recent discoveries I realize he is not much younger after all - maybe one year? But still why are we the same age - me with more education - and him with a much higher job?

Well because he takes action. He steps up. He takes charge. If I am told to lead I lead but I am also just as content to follow quite often if there is someone competent in the lead. Most of the time when I step up and take charge it's because I don't think anyone else is capable of doing the job as well as me. I used to feel that way more often.

Last night mentioning my new boss - my husband once again asked why I wasn't considered for that job. I told him because I've only had my current job for 6 months and I don't have the experience that he has. I'm not qualified. Hubby gets all up in arms - but, but you have an MBA - does he have an MBA? Well no but apparently having an MBA doesn't' make you an instant leader. Who knew?

I have been told that I have the intellect and the skills to be a super star here. It's nice to hear but I don't seem to have the motivation to be a super star at least not this week. I procrastinate - like with everything else - putting in the effort to really shine. Perhaps it's past experiences, where I put in the effort, went the extra mile, was praised for it, and yet somehow never promoted. In my last job I put in minimal effort BUT in that organization it was enough to shine and be promoted. I never gave 100% and now I"m in a habit, a slump I guess. If I want to shine here I need to jump out of it - start giving it my all - really put in that 100%. I don't know if I have it in me anymore. Maybe it's just that this job doesn't inspire me? It's a good job. It's a careerbuilding job. It could launch me. And yet I don't seem to care.

When hubby (thinking he's being my hero and defender) talks about how I deserve more, I should have more, I should get promoted, etc... it makes me feel a failure. I finally told him this last night. I know he doesn't mean it that way, he wants me to know he thinks I'm smart and capable and deserving. But asking why I'm not considered for every single job higher than my own, and asking me if every new boss I have has an MBA like I do makes me feel like he thinks I'm a failure. He said he doesn't mean it that way, but that he will refrain if he remembers.

It doesn't change the fact that I do sometimes feel a failure. I used to have such big dreams, now I just want to come to work, go home and live my life. I don't really want to climb the ladder into a demanding executive role and yet I feel like I should want to. Maybe if I was more into my job I would want to?

Maybe I'm just in a slump - too many other things in my life (hubby's disease and current unemployed status) to really put any more of myself into anything?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

A weekend of dildo shopping and babysitting...

Tomorrow night after work I am going to a "Passion" Party. For those of you who have never been to one of these - it is kind of like a tupperware party only the merchandise consists of vibrators, dildos, lube, etc. :) A party like this absolutely requires alcohol so I'm helping my friend out by bringing a few bottles of wine! I may drink 1/2 a bottle before the party starts.

The best part of the "Passion" Party is the games - like pass the dong - no hands allowed.

The babysitting starts Saturday around 2pm when I go to my sister's house to spend the night with my gorgeous and sweet nephews. It is my sister and her husband's 9th wedding anniversary today and they are planning 24 hours of couple time. I will keep the kids from Saturday afternoon until Sunday afternoon. I'll be spending the night at their house because it is just easier than trying to get the kids to sleep at my house.

I expect some good stories to come out of this weekend! LOL

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The night I threw up on my shoes and threw myself at a gay man...

Ben has a little contest going for the worst hangover story ever. I decided even though I am more than a decade past this event it makes for a good story and might even be humorous to share so what the heck.

This story occurs in October 1996 in Fort Myers Beach, Florida. I was there for a conference to relicense for my weird little hobby that I have yet to share on my blog. Enough about that - I was staying for the week and to keep my expenses down I was sharing a room. I was sharing a room with a man that I had a serious crush on and had been in "love" with since I was about 18 years old. At the time I was 26 so yes I had been nursing this crush for 8 long years. My crush was approx 13 years older than me and in all the time I had known him had NEVER had a girlfriend. This should have been a clue but I figured he was waiting for that one perfect woman and of course that was me.

As it turns out - my crush is gay - I should have known this. It is why no one was surprised at us sharing a room. It was why even my parents didn't think it was a big deal.

Fast forward to Wednesday night - have spent 3 nights sleeping in the bed next to my crush with nary a stray look in my direction. We are out together with a crowd of friends and we are drinking and dancing and having a ball. Earlier that day one friend had made a liquor store run for a bottle of tequila that she was carrying in her enormous purse. We order a round of shots for everyone and a round of beers. Then we take an empty beer bottle to the bathroom and rinse it out well and fill it with the tequila from the bottle in her purse. Back to the table and it looks like we are a bunch of morons taking shots of bud light BUT in reality it's Cuervo Gold. We continue to refill through the night. Somewhere around 1am I hit a wall - at that point in time I had drank at least 6 beers and had approx 10 shots of Cuervo. I am not nor have I ever been a heavy drinker - for me this was more than excessive. The last thing I remember someone convinced me to do one more shot. I took that shot glass of Cuervo and it smelled bad. I tried to shoot it back but instead of swallowing I ended up with a mouthful of nasty tequila. I tried to force myself to swallow it and instead I started gagging. Next thing I know I'm puking all over my shoes and the floor in the bar. Someone helps me to the bathroom and I lay on the cold (disgusting public bathroom) tiles moaning. Finally with a guy on either side (one of them my crush/roommate) I am helped back to my room. The other guy leaves and it's just me and my crush. I have a vague recollection of flashing him before passing out face first on my bed.

I woke up the next morning - roommate was no where to be found. My head was throbbing. My mouth felt & tasted like a cat had shit in it a few times. I couldn't stand the smell of food, my foray to the lobby/restaurant had me catching a whiff of something on the lunch buffet and sent me running back to a bathroom to dry heave. Later that night was a costume party - I had to get my costume figured out. I didn't really have one but was too sick to care. I went in beach attire (not the wisest choice as I am not a little girl and wasn't 12 years ago either) because it was all I could think of. I finally saw my roommate who had rented a Barney the dinosaur costume and it finally struck me that no straight guy would even think of doing that, then the realization that I had flashed my naked body at this man the night before dawned on me and I was MORTIFIED. Probably not as mortified as he was at the time but still. I could not drink anything at that party with an open bar - even the scent of alcohol had me gagging. It was a few days before I felt normal again and a month before I had anything else to drink.

I guess I didn't learn my lesson though because later that year - new years eve in fact - I was at a party with my new boyfriend and a mixture of champagne, beer, and shots of Hot Damn had me flashing my girls for the party goers (to cheers this time) and spending half the night with my head in a toilet.

The moral of the story? Don't drink so much that you throw up on your shoes and show your boobs to your gay roommate? I guess?

Probably should add that I am still friends with the gay roommate and we see each other about twice a year. We have never since spoken of that event in our lives. I think he has blocked it from his mind as if it never happened, for me it's just a funny story to get a few laughs on my blog. :-)

Don’t be a Jonze.

Humor Blogs

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I <3 Fall!

This is my front yard - and my driveway - and the beautiful colors are just one reason fall is my favorite season! I love the crisp air, the smells, the sights, the grass no longer growing and requiring mowing. Winter is still a ways off.

Mostly though I just love the weather - warm days, crisp nights, heaven.

I updated my header graphic with the view from my deck, it's amazing how often I take that view for granted - not today.

Friday, October 10, 2008

This weekend is all about me...

Hubby will not know about the job until sometime next week. I have a bad feeling that this ship has sailed. I have sent his resume in for 2 openings at the State. I have submitted him for an opening at my company's sister company. I will probably cruise job boards and submit him for a few more before the weekend is up.

But finding him a job is really about me - because if he doesn't find one I will have to give up things I love (like my housekeeper) so keeping him gainfully employed is an entirely selfish move on my part! ;-)

So hubby is off visiting his little old italian aunts who will fill him full of delicious foods and treat him like a king for a few days. While he is gone here are some things I am planning:

1 - getting my hair done after work tonight - not sure but feeling a bit of the rebel coming on. Shorter maybe, red maybe, who knows.
2 - some tasty chinese take out on the way home
3 - a hot bath with a bottle of wine and the mini-dvd player showing a good chick flick while I soak away my troubles.
4 - painting my nails a lovely shade of bright red that will make me smile all weekend

1 - sleeping in
2 - finally tackling the basement clean-up project - should take about an hour if I just get going including litter box full replacements
3 - dropping off old computers at the town's hazmat day for no extra charge
4 - shopping at the brand new Target and pretending that my husband is not unemployed for the day
5 - back home and a short nap just because I can!
6 - over to my sister's house for dinner with the family - some good nephew time and family talk
7 - home to bed and another good night's sleep aided by alcohol most likely

1 - sleep in
2 - catch up on shows on DVR that I want to watch
3 - take the dog - head to a park (or my friend E's camp) and go for a relaxing stroll in the beauty that is fall in upstate NY - the leaves are just perfect and gorgeous right now.
4 - back home for a nice dinner of beef stew I am going to put in the crock pot before I leave
5 - to bed early to be ready to tackle another week

Yep I have plans for my weekend as a single girl - plans to do things I want to do and very little in the way of chores/work.

Sweet anticipation!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The convoluted mess that is my life...

So the job hubby has? He was mislead - this time - totally not his fault. He was told by recruiter and by client that he had the job. He had a rate of pay, he had a start date. He was asked to go to NYC yesterday for a meet and greet type meeting. He went. BUT it was not a meet and greet meeting - it was another interview and he was not prepared.

The whole story as I know it - hubby contacted by staffing firm for job with contracting company who does the IT at this bank in NYC. BUT the truth is the contracting company does work for another contracting company that does IT at the bank. So 1st contracting company liked him and told him he had the job. HUGE PROBLEM being that apparently they did not yet have the job from 2nd contracting company that works directly for bank.

So hubby goes in for a meet and greet thinking he's starting next week. They think he's there for an interview and haven't yet decided that they are going to award contract to 1st contractor for this particular project.

Hubby is there all alone - no one else from 1st contracting company is there with him. Everyone thinks it's in the bag but apparently it's not. 2nd contracting company didn't know that he was not from NYC and was going to have to commute in. They don't want him working from home they want him onsite. No problem he can and will do that. BUT there is a 3rd contracting company in the mix - they have a local NYC candidate.

It's all still up in the air.

I am quite literally sick about it.

Hubby finally realizes the seriousness of this situation. Staffing firm is livid that 1st contracting company told them and him he had a job that they did not yet have nailed down. They are tearing into them because hubby quit his job because they told him he had it (actually he quit before that but they don't know that.)

And now I'm back to wondering what to do if I have to hold it together for months on my salary alone? Certainly not a time to be cashing in investments to live on - but it could come to that.

Should know something tomorrow.

Sick. Worried. Freaking Out.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

I'm turning into my mother...

and I hate it!

I don't know if it's just my age and my crappy genetics - but it seems that from her mid-thirties until she was nearly 50 my mom was plagued with hot flashes. My dad worked outside all day no matter the weather so in the winter he was always cold he'd come home and stoke up the fire and make the house HOT and my mom would go around opening windows complaining it was sooooo hot in there. My sister and I were fine - neither hot nor cold.

While my personality is not turning into my mom's (thank GOD) my body seems to want to be like hers. I sit at my desk at work while people are wearing sweaters and I think about stripping cause I'm so hot. At home I my husband curls up under two comforters and I throw them off to try and get some cool air on my skin. He turns the thermostat up and I want to open windows.

It sucks - royally! I will mention it to my doctor at my appointment on the 23rd but while I'm really rather young for this I don't think there is much than can be done. I'm probably going to have to just live with it and for a decade or more if my mom's experience is any indication.

The worst part is not the hot flashes - it's the mood swings. I have been under a great deal of stress lately and most of it has lifted BUT I am still crabby, and I snap easily. And my sarcastic barbs at just the right moment have been a problem lately. In this I'm nothing like my mother - she rarely even gets sarcasm much less be able to dole it out. Small joy.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

October I <3 you already!

So October 1st turned a corner for me. My husband had a long conference call with his new employers where they told him he only had to spend about 2-3 weeks in NYC and the rest of the time he could work remotely. This is a fantastic weight off my shoulders to not have to worry about him alone in the Big Apple getting lost or worse. In addition they told him when this contract ends they have other jobs they would like him to do if he is interested and they too would be mostly remote work. How cool is that?

Hubby has stopped moping around acting like a zombie and that has improved my mood as well.

At work a mistake I thought was going to be a big deal turned out to be nothing much at all and my boss never even found out as another guy and I were able to resolve without having to take it to him. I got a new boss yesterday too - he looks young - my age or younger but he seems nice, laid back, easy going and I'm sure we'll get along just fine.

And today my new gym buddies are taking me with them at lunch so I can get back in the swing of going. Tues -Wed-Thurs is the plan for each week for now and I can ride with them on days I don't have my car. I need to get back to exercising regularly as I feel so blah right now and it is bound to help.

That is about it for me. Hopefully some more entertaining and less depressing posts are in my future.

And check out 2 Hot Dishes later today if you are interested in a recipe for stuffed peppers. I made them this morning and put them in the crock pot so while it's fresh in my mind I'll write it down and share.