Le Meow...

This is Felix - thankfully he is a sweet, cuddly and forgiving cat. We were bored on Monday and I found a Sharpie. Nuff said.

Mustache is already gone today, he furiously washed his face all night I think? :)

I've really been neglecting my blog

I must admit internet I have a new addiction. Something that takes me out of the world I live in for a few hours at a time and immerses me in a whole different world. A world where I get to be totally badass and blast the living daylights out of things that get in my way. I tell you it is super satisfying to just take down the monsters one by one. I wish it was that easy in real life to just eliminate the monsters.

My new addiction? World of Warcraft

Really...

I know, who would have ever thought it? I certainly never had any interest in role player games before. The idea of sitting at a computer for hours playing a game where I shoot things and kill then certainly never appealed before.

I started playing for my husband. He started playing and wanted me to play with him. So I took the 10 day free trial offer and at first I really wasn't that into it. Then I played some more, and some more. Now I am more into than he is. I am higher level than he is. My character can kick his character's ass! WOOT - but mostly I play with him and help him with his tasks.

Totally not my thing, I've never been a gamer, but I guess I am now?

The downside to all this - the only reason I am higher level and needing to help my husband in this game is because the MS has taken this away from him. He was the gamer, always playing things like Diablo or Half Life, etc. He was good at it. Not anymore. He can't follow the maps, he gets lost, he gets confused, he gets frustrated. He needs me to play with him. I enjoy playing on my own much more - with other friends and people who don't get lost, frustrated and aren't in the next room screaming at me to help them. I kinda wish he'd give up on it since it's so frustrating for him. But I don't think I can give up - not yet anyway.

So dear internet - this is where I have been. Running around disguised as a troll in a fantasy world for hours every day.

If you want God to laugh at you make some plans...

Life never turns out how you plan - over the years I've had many plans. In my teens and early 20's my plans included going to college, getting married, a family, a career, I was going to have it all. I spent my 20's single and mostly loving life and having a great time. I did go to college but didn't graduate and get a fabulous job with a big salary. I always had a job and eventually I got into the field of work I wanted and worked my way up those corporate ladders.

I got married shortly after turning 30 but never did start that family and its for the best really.

I went to grad school and got an MBA with dreams of screaming my way right up that corporate ladder into a six figure salary and a corner office. I started working on this dream and had made several key moves that would get me there.

Then my husband's MS took a turn for the worse, and my priorities changed. All of a sudden the long hours and travel required to climb that ladder wasn't possible and the ladder wasn't important anymore. I took a job with more flexibility and a bigger paycheck but no real future for me, and I hated it.

My time became consumed with disability applications and doctor's appointments, and then I lost the job I hated and found myself on unemployment for the first time. It was such a complete turn around from the corporate go-getter I was just 3 years ago.

These days I sleep in, I go for walks with my dog, I surf the net, I bake, I clean, I cook. I drive my husband to appointments and speak for him when he can't find the words. I advocate for him, I fight for what he deserves. It's funny I used to wonder what stay at home mom's did all day - now that I am basically a housewife and caregiver I wonder how I used to have time to work 50 hours a week.

Now my plans are shifting - and I'm more flexible. I still want to do some entrepreneurial stuff and have started a small website that I'm just not finding the time to work on and need to make the time. I'm looking at part time work from home opportunities and finding they are out there but the competition seems fierce so I'm not having a lot of luck yet but I keep trying.

Now my worries are - someday, when being a caregiver is not my primary job - will I have any job skills left? Will anyone hire me then? So planning to do some volunteer work to keep skills up and hopefully socking away cash when I can so I have a nest egg and hoping I don't have to worry about this for decades!

So despite the fact that my plans never seem to pan out - I keep making them. Gives me something to do.! :)

Celebrating Hope for Haiti

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Read more about the candle, where the donations are going and place your order by clicking here.

January Thaw...

We had our January Thaw last week - several days in the high 30's and much of the snow melted. Then last night we got another 2-4", haven't been outside yet so I'm not sure how much we have exactly. I'll find out this afternoon when I have to go run the snow blower.

I've been cooking my way through January, making bread, cookies. chili, attempting to use my new George Foreman Grill successfully. All this baking of bread has caused my weight to start creeping up the past week which sucks as I had lost 15lbs since losing my job - lovingly referred to as "15lbs of unhappiness and misery" but fresh baked bread is adding them back one at a time.

This is unacceptable so I have also been jumping on the wii fit a bit more and trying to work out without having to go outside in the cold. (It may be 35ish out but that is still too cold for me).

So today after I get off my wii fit - I plan to bake banana bread - not exactly the answer to the problem BUT I have two overripe bananas and I don't want to throw them away. So depending on how much I eat I may need to spend a bit more time on the wii fit this week.

Motivation - where are you?

I sure wish you'd come visit me again. Kick me in the butt, get me moving forward again - toward something, toward anything.

This stagnation thing sucks.

I wish...

I wish I was allowed to make a mistake without being berated and belittled for it.

I wish I wasn’t afraid to say anything to someone for fear he overreact AGAIN.

I wish I lived in a place where I was spoken to with respect always or at least most of the time.

I wish anyone appreciated any of the things I do.

I wish someone/anyone would say thank you for anything EVER.

I wish that on a day when I go out of my way to be nice – that someone else could make the effort to just not be nasty.

I wish I hadn’t thrown mean and hateful things back when my feelings were hurt, but I did, because I’m human and there is just so much one human can take.

I wish…

Newsflash....

Last night had an argument with my husband when I came home and smelled cig smoke in the basement while feeding the cats. He decided it was too cold to smoke in the garage so was going in the basement and opening the bilco doors and smoking there.

I told him that if he thought it was too cold to go outside to smoke that he should QUIT and to stop smoking in the basement cause if I smell it in the rest of the house I'm smashing all the cigs and hiding his car keys.

Then I went to bed and he slept on the couch last night.

Fun times.

My Christmas Tree is still up...

Normally I take it down on New Years Day or maybe the day after that. This is a small tree this year, won't take much time to take it down and yet I hesitate to do it. I realized why today.

Last year on the day I took my tree down my sweet cat Anni died. She was sleeping under the tree as I took it down and she came crawling out and literally started dying in front of me.

I have a 21 year old cat that looks like death warmed over. I think in the back of my mind I'm afraid that if I take the tree down he will just keel over like my poor Anni did last year.

This is a ridiculous fear, the cat is 21 years old and I think he's ready to go. I'm mostly ready for him to go, but I guess not as ready as I thought. :(

Here is Mike - my tree stays up in hopes that he can live a few more days...

Herrad gave me an award!

So Herrad a very cool and brave woman who is fighting MS with all her might and writes a great blog called Access Denied - Living with MS has awarded me with the above and I wanted to take a minute to thank her!

I am supposed to award this to other bloggers who fit the bill but honestly I think she named all of those that I regularly follow. So here's the deal - if you are an MS blogger and Herrad did not already give you this award please take it from me as it is well deserved!

And thank you so much Herrad - I do try to fight and advocate for my husband any way I can and I also work with the MS Society to raise money several times a year. So many advances in the past few years and maybe one day a cure?