My husband lied to me - and badly - it was obvious he was lying as he stumbled around the lie and double talked. I was upset at the time as this lie involved an hour and a half long phone call he took in privacy from an ex girlfriend.
Here's how it went down - Wednesday night we are sitting in the living room watching TV when he suddenly answers his cell phone which he had set on vibrate and on his person (normally it's in ring mode and in his coat pocket) and he takes this call and goes out in the garage. As he leaves I look at him confused and say "who is it?" he says he'll tell me when he comes back in. Well 1 hour and 18 minutes to be exact later he comes back in.
I'm in tears because of this "private" conversation that he obviously doesn't want me to hear. And on his cell phone so I can't even eavesdrop on the other extension! (not that I would ever do that - just saying) He says it was a friend from the air force someone he was in Turkey with in 1985-86. Then he says it was a female friend - Diane. I'm no dummy and I've listened to him talk about his time in Turkey - Diane was his girlfriend so I say "you mean your ex-girlfriend Diane?" and he has the audacity to say "no this is a different Diane I never dated her" hello I'm really not that dumb lie #1. And the way it all went down it's obvious he was waiting for her call.
So I ask how she got his number and he says he called and left his number with her sister because she (Diane) had emailed him that day. I asked - how did she get your email? He says from another friend that he has kept in touch with over the years. I accept this as fact, UNTIL I ask - why did you call her sister? She emailed you but you have no contact information? Why didn't you just email her back. He says - I don't have her email address. WHAT?? This guy is a fucking MCSE Computer Nerd Extraordinare. He has to know that I'm not going to buy that and I say - really she emailed you and you don't have her email address? He fumbles around that it's her work email or somesuch nonesense lie #2. I let it go and go on to what on earth he could talk to her for that long about. Just catching up he says.
I let it go - but do some searching around later (next day) and find that he signed up for a reunion.com account (yes I am the awful snooping wife who goes into his email to see what he's up to - but only when he is clearly lying to me) and that he searched for her there. So he clearly initiated this contact - but why? He was 19 years old the last time he saw this person - he's 41 now. I don't understand what is going through his head. I was miserable on Thursday over this thinking all kinds of crazy things. (Some history - we have had a very rough 7-8 months in our marriage, all the MS crap going on, stress of job changes, and him going through a serious depression where he acted in ways that had him about 2 minutes from living in a cardboard box downtown, he was so close to ruining it all it's not funny and I'm still shell shocked by it all where as he, in typical man fashion, thinks that since we did get it all out in the open and I didn't throw his ass out on the street that it's all over and ancient history while I recap these events in my mind every time he does anything out of the ordinary - but I digress)
So I came home from work yesterday having sobbed like a child in the car on the way home from the stress of pretending nothing was wrong all day so as to keep co-workers from knowing about my crazy dysfunctional marriage. I come in the house and don't speak to him, still not sure what I'm going to say. I feed the animals and start cooking dinner. He comes in the kitchen, he's happy, he's planning a trip to Florida for us for the end of March, he tells me I look nice, he is like the husband I had 3 years ago and I wonder what alien being has taken over his body. I'm cautious, I'm reserved, he senses it but keeps going. He eats what I make without comment, thanks me for dinner - again unusual behavior for the husband I've had for the past year or so but more like the Ohio hubby I had before the depression set in. We are later watching TV and he says something that is very sweet and complimentary and I ask him why he is being so nice - he says "because I love you".
All I can say is "really"? Cause he hasn't been saying that much for the past year and in fact the last time was several months ago if my memory serves me right. So I say "wow that something I haven't heard in a while". He continues being sweet, acting happy. Something very strange is going on.
So did this one conversation with ex-girlfriend trigger this sudden happiness? And he threw me so off with his sudden change in behavior that I never did bring up the lie I had totally caught him in or address the reunion.com account. The thing is I wouldn't have cared that he wanted to get in touch with old friends - even an old girlfriend. If he had told me he found her and gave her his number and was hoping she'd call I'd have been okay with that. If she had called and he went in the other room (away from the TV) so he could hear better while he talked (but not out in the garage where I couldn't hear anything if I tried) I'd have left him alone. I had a call recently from a high school friend and we talked for 2 hours, that wouldn't bother me.
But he lied to me about how he got in touch with her, and he went to a place away from me so I couldn't hear his conversation. And that made me suspicious and catching him in his lies made me very hurt. And now I feel like I've stepped into a time machine and it's happy go lucky husband and I'm the bitter bitch that the past year has turned me into.
I don't know what I'm going to do about it all. Maybe I should just enjoy having him back?
Edited to add: He just left me a voice mail while I was out to lunch where he actually sang "I just called to say I love you." Am I on some kind of hidden camera show? LOL