Thursday Thirteen

Picking up a new blogging tool - the Thursday 13. So what 13 things shall I share today? How about 13 pet peeves? In keeping with the whining nature of my blog most days I will share 13 things that annoy the hell out of me:

1. Being watched - i.e. by Rat Bastard Trainer - herein after known as RBT. We are all grown ups here right?

2. Sunday Afternoon Drivers on Monday Morning - nuff said!

3. Children screaming just to hear their own little screams - my nephew loves to do this at the top of his lungs primarily he does this at the dinner table whenever there is company - it's really annoying.

4. Perky people - in general perky people make me want to hurl. I have one perky friend, she can't help it really it's inbred in her nature. I forgive her for her perkiness but I mock her for it too, she's okay with that.

5. People who try to tell me what to do who have no business telling me what to do!

6. Computer things that don't work the way they are supposed to work. I am far from commuter illiterate but sometimes the damn things just don't work and it pisses me right off.

7. People who give my husband and I a dirty look when we park in the handicapped parking spots. I guess if you aren't in a wheelchair or using a cane you must not be handicapped? They don't stop to watch him trip and nearly fall cause his feet don't work right as he walks in, just see him get out of the car on his two long legs and assume we're scamming the system.

8. Beautiful shoes that are uncomfortable - I am a shoe nut - love shoes - I used to suffer for fashion but now I'm more and more into comfort and style. I hate shoes that trick you into thinking they'll be comfortable and then you try to wear them for a day and they cut your feet to shreds.

9. When my ipod battery goes dead first thing in the morning and I left my charger at home.

10. People who drive slow in the far left hand lane!

11. People who are afraid to merge so they stop at the end of the on ramp causing traffic to pile up behind them.

12. Waking up with a cold wet dog nose on my cheek and a fat cat on my chest - one has to pee - one wants to eat - what about what I want - SLEEP dammit!

13. Copiers and printers that say Paper Jam when there is no freaking paper jam! Bring on the baseball bat baby!

And that is all I have to say about that! I said this the other day in jest and my husband called me Forrest!

A fun project for me...

My oldest and dearest friend "J" is a very recent breast cancer survivor. She is 42 years old and had an abnormal spot on her first ever mammogram at 40 years old that ended up being cancerous, she had a double mastectomy with reconstruction and was put on Tamoxofen a drug that is known to stop this type of cancer from returning but also wreaks havoc with your other feminine organs so she ended up having additional surgeries to remove cysts and polyps and ended up having to remove her ovaries at age 41 effectively throwing her into menopause. She has had a really rough time of it but through it all has been a real trooper and fought hard.

Next weekend she is going on a 4 day/3 night retreat/hike with other breast cancer survivors from a group she is in and the leader of this retreat called me last night - she got my number from J's husband and wanted to know if I would write a letter to J that she would be given at this retreat on the last night. The leader said that the letters from friends and family on the last night is always a highlight of these retreats. She said I should write about things that were funny or moving, just special things we shared over the years. Of course I said sure - but now I'm contemplating what to write - there are so many good stories as we have been best friends for 20 years. I met her first day of my freshman year of college - September 1988. She was my RA and had to be nice to me! LOL But as it turns out we were destined to be lifelong friends. We've laughed together, cried together, been through multiple relationships and breakups - two marriages for her, the birth of her kids, her divorce, many jobs for me, two relocations for me, and through it all we manage to stay in touch and stay close. She is one of the first people I told when I got this job, she is the only person I talked to when my marriage hit a bump that I wasn't sure we'd survive last year. She manages to hear all the bad things when I complain and still love my husband because he is my husband. I do the same for her. She is truly what a best friend is supposed to be and I'm lucky to have her. Now to convey this in a letter that won't require extra postage? :) I'm gonna try! I think I'll have to dig up a picture of us with smiling innocent faces and giant hair to include just for a laugh.

Today's the day...

Hubby get's his first infusion of Tysabri! Yeah! Hoping that he has no side effects and feels better soon! I am hoping for a miracle with this drug - but I've read of it having miraculous effects on others so it's not impossible.

Since I've complained about work a fair bit here's a bit of the good - I am working from home today. I connect via a VPN and can control my desktop just like I'm sitting at it but instead I'm in my nightgown, in my recliner chair, in my living room. That is a nice perk that I am allowed to do that sometimes. I will take 4 hours of personal time to take hubby to the infusion center.

Speaking of the infusion center - I may have a hard time biting my tongue while there about how very RUDE they were to not call back when I called every day for a week! But I will try to let that be water under the bridge. Hubby may not do the same though - he likes to take people to task for incompetent behavior. It's part of his charm (sometimes).

So there is my rambling start to the day - hopefully good news to report later.

UPDATE - Things went well, he had no side effects, no negative reactions, got a bit impatient that we had to wait and there was some confusion about co-pay etc. But once it was all figured out we were in good shape and here is the best news of all - no co-pay for this procedure - none at all!!!!!!! So no worries about the pocket book. He has his next appointment for scheduled for four weeks from today.

Rat-bastard trainer update

Not only did my slacker "trainer" talk to me about daring to walk to the cafeteria with "B" he also decided he would rat "B" out to one of the owners. He told said owner that processors were looking for "B" and no one knew where she was. She knows that this is an outright lie. Trainer and "B" have a long standing feud of sorts - he had to train her 2 years ago and has never liked her, and I think it irked him that I was spending too much time with her. I figure he must have seen us leave and this is what started all of this.

So "B"s boss called her in to tell her what was said, he was not angry with her in the least but wanted to know what had happened. Her boss is our division VP - he said he wasn't going to put up with this kindergarten tattle tale nonsense and that she shouldn't be concerned. At least I know where to go if this ends up affecting me in any way.

So now I am watching myself very carefully around rat-bastard. And today I kept watch of his time - he left for lunch at 12:30 and came back at 1:50 - hmmm seems like about 20 extra minutes to me? I know I'm a bitch - but well he started it.

Chocolate Skittles - YUCK-O

So I saw these in the vending machine today when on a PMS-fueled search for chocolate and thought - what the heck I'll try them. They have flavors such as Brownie Batter, Chocolate Pudding, S'mores, Chocolate Caramel, and Vanilla (how is this a chocolate flavor?).

So I'm trying to savor the flavor but I have to say - ewwww - just not good - super sicky sweet on most of them, barely any chocolate flavor at all. I ate about 1/4 of the bag and then tossed them. Since I'm still having the PMS craving and now have a gross taste in my mouth I run back to said vending machine and buy a Hershey bar to get some good smooth chocolate flavor to kill it.

I am a chocoholic ( my husband would say that is an extreme understatement) and it's rare that I taste something chocolate that I don't like and can't even finish. But these - yuck is all I can say.

The love of my life...

I bet you were expecting to see a picture of my husband here? Well he really is the true love of my life but I don't want to post his picture here right now. And my doggie - Xavier is the second love of my life.

Can I tell you how unfair it is to dogs when we women get on a roll and say "All Men Are Dogs"??

That is a serious insult to dogs! For starters - Dogs are Loyal! Dogs live to make you happy! Dogs don't ask "why are you crying" they just sit there and lick the tears off your face. And lastly and maybe most important - dogs can lick their own ehem (not that Xavier has any of those)! ;-)

Okay so maybe my husband is loyal and sometimes wants to make me happy, but Xavier's got him beat by a mile when it comes to empathy.

Dogs make me want to be a better human!

Save the Condiments! Save the World!

Every workplace has at least one - they go by different names in different companies - some are Executive Secretaries, others are Senior Administrative Assistants, some are just plain Administrative Assistants on a power trip. These are the assistants who think that because the "assist" someone with a lot of power that they also have said power.

In my office she is known as the Office Manager - she is the Assistant to the President and takes her role very seriously. Most of the time her power trips have nothing to do with me and so I just ignore them. But today we all got this email from her:

The refrigerators will be cleaned Friday January 25, 2008.

Everything in the refrigerator and freezer will be thrown away. This includes water, soda, condiments etc.

Items need to be out of the refrigerator before 6:00

Someone made a sign that says "Save the Condiments, Save the World" and posted it on the fridge - she was FURIOUS - and we all laughed. But seriously - I understand that someone forgetting that left over chinese in the fridge for a month is a problem, but why throw away soda in cans? or bottled water? or my salad dressing? Really is that funky smell coming from the jar of raspberry jam I keep in the door? or from B's mustard? Really?

It's flat out tyranny in the office! Cubicle Dwellers Unite - well I better go rescue all my food items from the fridge so they don't get tossed when control freak starts her cleaning detail.

Save the Condiments - Save the World!

TGIF - can't wait for 5:30

So despite my elation over finally having an appointment for my husband's Tysabri infusion I have to say good riddance to this week. It has been a BAD week for me. I have spent most of it with my head feeling somewhat foggy (cold that won't die), I have made countless bitchy phone calls, I have had stomach upset from all the stress, I have eaten way too much of the wrong stuff, and I have made errors at work as well due to all this.

What kind of errors? Well nothing earth shaking or life altering. Nothing that puts my job in danger but stupid errors, things that could be avoided. Everyone has been kind about it telling me that they have all made similar mistakes but it doesn't make me feel better. I generally DON'T make stupid mistakes. So far this week I've made at least 3 and one of them required a process to have to rerun that too nearly 24 hours and put us even a bit further behind.

I am going to rest, relax, refresh this weekend. I can't have another week like this. I wish I could start my weekend right now.

SUCCESS!

Finally - after 8 days of frustration my husband has an appointment next Wednesday to have his first Tysabri infusion.

Also after being told that "L" was the only person who could help me and leaving at least one message a day for her to please call me. Someone else called HIM at his office to schedule the appointment.

Oh well - he has an appointment I can now breathe easier.

It's sad that someone had to die...

to knock Brittney Spears and her atrocious behavior out of the limelight for 5 minutes. I was stunned to hear of Heath Ledger's untimely death, at the oh so young age of 28 and with his career just taking off. I hope the autopsy reports show something other than drug overdose as the cause of death, I'm not sure why but finding out he had a rare reaction to an antibiotic that caused his death would seem more right than finding he just took too many sleeping pills in his quest for sleep.

RIP Heath.

Office Politics and Cubicle Nonesense.

I am new here - started on October 15th so just over 3 months. I am out of the initial probation period and allowed to use vacation time now. I am taking on more responsibility and my trainer is having less and less to do with me (which I think is great).

I like the guy who is training me, he's kind of like a big, dopey, teddy bear who is good at math. He has the smallest work load of anyone I know because he is a master at delegating and spends a lot of his time surfing the net, instant messaging with his wife, or in some other guy's cube talking about football, hockey, soccer, softball, baseball, etc. To say he is a sports nut would be understating the situation. So in an average day Trainer Guy comes in around 8:45 (start time is 8:30) and spends a few minutes checking email - sometimes he has actual work he can't pawn off so he has to do it but most days he makes his first round looking for people to talk sports with. He gets his coffee, chats in the break room, comes back and chats with the guy across the cube wall. He may work 2-3 actual hours in an 8 hour day and this is on a busy day. He also takes his 1 hour lunch break at 12:00 and then goes for a 20 minute walk at 1:00 with some other people from the office almost every day.

So what am I leading up to? Well today a different co-worker asked if I would walk across the parking lot to the cafeteria with her so she could get some breakfast. I did - it was 20 minutes of my time. Apparently Trainer Guy was looking for me in those 20 minutes and couldn't find me. He sent me an email asking if I had a training class or something? So I said - no, I went to the cafe for 20 minutes with B. And he stops by my desk to tell me this...

Uhmmm, well you probably shouldn't have gone at 9:30 in the morning, people were looking for B and no one knew where she was (how is this my problem?) And since I'm your trainer it looks bad if I don't know where you are, so if you are going to go you should tell someone but really you just shouldn't do it.

Really? this from the guy that everyone else wonders WHAT DOES HE DO ALL DAY? The guy who comes in late, takes an hour and a half lunch and leaves on time 90% of the time? The guy who manages to get other people to do the bulk of his work?

Yep - THAT GUY - lectured me about taking a short break in the morning cause I might make him look bad.

Ugh - maybe this place isn't so different after all?

Day 4 - back to the whining - still no appointment

I just followed up with my husband's case manager, the infusion center has not called her back, the field person she said she'd try to send didn't get to them today but she also called and has not had a return call. The case manager said if she doesn't have any contact from them by the end of the day she will start working on an alternate site tomorrow morning.

I'm beyond livid. I hope that we do find another site to have this infusion at because these people obviously have NO concern for customer service if a phone call can't be returned for four freaking days.

Oh and another kudos for my dad - who is as we speak driving my husband to a dr.'s appointment in Albany. I am going to meet them both for dinner after his appointment and we are treating Dad of course!

Yikes - I've been tagged - and WTF is a meme?

So I was tagged by Very Bad Cat
My first question was WTF is a meme? So I turned to Wikipedia for answers and here is what it says:

A meme (pronounced /miːm/), as defined by memetic theory, constitutes a theoretical unit of cultural information, the building block of culture or cultural evolution which spreads through diffusion propagating from one mind to another analogously to the way in which a gene propagates from one organism to another as a unit of genetic information and of biological evolution.[1] Multiple memes may propagate as cooperative groups called memeplexes (meme complexes).

Okay now I'm even more confused and still have no idea what a meme is but I'll play along anyway.

The rules for this particular meme?

• Link to the person who tagged you.
• Post the rules on your blog.
• Share six (6) non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
• Tag at least 3 people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
• Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Okay here goes:

1. The name of my blog is Middle Age Mania - but I don't really feel middle aged (although at 37 and a half and knowing the average life span of adults in my family I probably am somewhere near that midpoint) Most days I feel like a scared child playing grown up. I often wonder if there will ever come a day that I don't feel like that. Case in point - when anyone in a position of authority over me asks to see me for a minute in their office my heart stops for a second then drops right into the pit of my stomach where the butterfly's start beating the crap out of it. Has anyone ever called me into their office to tell me what a useless lump I am and what a lousy job I'm doing? Nope - not once in all the years I've been working, and yet I feel like a naughty child summoned to the principals office for a spanking (yes when I was in elementary school they still did that and it happened to me A LOT).
   
   
2. I'm not really sure it's a strange habit or not but my husband adores making fun of me because I insist that the closet doors be closed before I can go to bed at night. I also insist on the sheets being neatly tucked in at the bottom and sides and not bunched up anywhere. I will remake the bed with him in it if it doesn't meet my standards.
   
   
3. I judge dairy goats - yes me - former city dweller - business woman with an MBA - me. I spend several weekends from May to October traveling all over the country to judge dairy goats. I am licensed by the American Dairy Goat Association and have been continuously licensed since 1992 - yes that is 16 years of goatiness for me - BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE - I grew up on a dairy goat farm, drinking goat milk on my Cheerios and with dinner each night. Some very healthy stuff but also EXTREMELY fattening (not like the 1% I drink these days) so I'm sure it helped add to the bulk that is my ass these days. My next goat show is May 29th in Gainesville Florida - yippee! I'm getting an all expense paid weekend in Florida and my hotel has an outdoor but heated pool - so pray for sunshine in Gainesville! I'm going to take Friday off to travel and get there as early as I can so as to spend the afternoon lounging by the pool! And not leaving until Sunday evening for the same reasons. And yes in addition to paying all my expenses to get there and house me they do pay me a daily wage (set by me) as well. It's not really a money making proposition, I couldn't give up my day job and just judge full time but a few extra bucks here and there are always welcomed.
   
   
4. I am a reality TV junkie - I know smart educated people are supposed to watch CNN and the Discovery Channel (at least the ones in my office do) and be well versed in every nuance of the upcoming election but I just can't seem to get interested when there's nothing I can do (on Feb 5th when the NY primaries are held - I'll be there and studied on my choices) about it now. But just ask me who got sent home on Biggest Loser last night - seriously ask me (pink team). Or what's going on with the American Idol tryouts - lots of really, really bad singers, very few worthy to go through IMO. Or how about which team won Amazing Race on Sunday's episode? Even catching a bit of Celebrity Apprentice even though I think that the concept is ludicrous. And Game Shows - I think I am indeed smarter than a 5th grader, and I know I could make some killer cash on Deal or No Deal BUT here is the biggest revelation of them all - I have a burning desire to be a contestant on Don't Forget the Lyrics with Wayne Brady! I just know I could do well on that show! I should try to be a contestant on Biggest Loser and whip this ass into shape - but I couldn't afford to take 4 months off work and be away from my husband and all the drama here (although it would be soooo good for me) and the idea of standing on a giant scale wearing a sports bra and bike shorts while millions saw my true weight - well it's terrifying.
   
   
5. Strange eating habits - well I am not a picky eater - it's how I got these extra pounds I seem to cherish so and be unwilling to relinquish. But yes I do eat some things that other people may find gross - like Spaghettio's cold straight from the can. I learned this trick in college I think. I also will eat peanut butter on most anything - fruit, vegetable, with lunch meat - I adore peanut butter - everything is better with peanut butter on it. And thanks to Meghan's suggestion I now put peanut butter on waffles and pancakes. I don't mix peanut butter with Spaghettio's though a girl has to draw the line somewhere.
   
   
6. Along the same lines as my mind numbing TV choices I also read trashy novels. I'm sure Redneck Romance Writer is glad to hear this. Give me a good old fashioned bodice ripper any day! My mom used to read these when I was a pre-teen and I'd smuggle books off her shelf and read them at night under my covers with a flashlight. I learned a lot this way. I still avoid serious reading 99% of the time and read Chick Lit or straight out romance novels. I think I've read most of Danielle Steele, Nora Roberts, and more. Definitely a huge fan of Jennifer Weiner and Jane Green, but I spend most of my Audible.com credits on Chick Lit - and I LOVE IT! These days most of my reading is actually read to my through earphones attached to my ipod 0r played over my car stereo - but my tastes have not changed. I'm going to stock up on some good bodice ripper fiction for my upcoming Florida trip for sure!

So there you have it - anyone who is reading - well some of my quirkiness has been revealed.

Now who to tag? That is the problem because I've only been blogging for 2 weeks and I've not made that many friends yet. But I'll give it a try - I'm going to tag Jennifer (because she has left me comments before) and SheildMaiden96 (because I like reading her blog), the third one I'm at a loss really the only people I might consider have already been tagged by someone else so I will plead my newbie status and say two is enough!

So there you have it - and I still have no clue what a meme is.

Day Three in my Quest to Schedule an Appointment

Still getting voice mail for the Chemo nurses. Left another message - "I'm not trying to be a pain BUT my husband has been without treatment for a month, we started trying to schedule this in the beginning of December. The insurance is approved, the doctor has signed off, everything is in order, ALL I NEED IS A DATE FROM YOU! Please would someone call and schedule this appointment?" Then I called my husband's case manager at the manufacturer because I knew she was back in the office today. I told her my frustrations - she said she would make some calls, escalate this and would absolutely follow-up with me by the end of the day. I told her we would take the first available appointment, anytime, any day, just get this scheduled ALREADY!

So now I wait-AGAIN! I hate waiting!

Today's end of day update - still no call back from this place. The case manager from Biogen called and they didn't call her either. She has a field person in this area and she is going to send them to the site tomorrow to get to the bottom of this. I told her I would go over there myself if I thought it would help, she said she'd let me know. So tomorrow is Day 4 with no one deigning to reply to my voice mail and I have to say I am royally PISSED! I asked about switching to a different infusion center and the case manager said that was an option but that it might further delay as the insurance paperwork would have to be redone. So for his first infusion at least she wants to stick with this place. But she understands my frustration at least and is responsive to my calls.

It's Monday - a.k.a. BITCH DAY

I have just arrived in my office. I am settling in after my long drive, going to get a steaming hot cup of hot cocoa and then I'm going to start calling that infusion center and if that receptionist tells me to be patient even once today I will not be nice - I will in fact tear her a new asshole. Today I've got my bitch on!

10:00 AM Update - called - got put through again no answer from the "chemo nurses" (the Tysabri) infusion is done in a chemo center) and I end up in a generic voice mail so I leave my message and tell them I expect to have this appointment scheduled TODAY in a firm voice. And now I wait - for 1 hour - I'm calling again at 11 if they haven't called me back.

10:44 AM Update - they called back - the ONLY person who knows anything about my husband's case was given my message on Friday (and she didn't call back) and now today she is out sick. There is NO ONE else who can help me???? And now I have to wait for tomorrow and hope she is back in. Is it just me or is it the height of STUPIDITY to have no back-up person for just such occurrences?

So another day I have to wait. If this doesn't get settled tomorrow I may request a new site and forget these people altogether -even if it means I have to drive further to take him.

Almost there...

I finally got to talk to the case manager from the drug manufacturer this morning, she said if I could try to clear things up with the insurance company that would be wonderful. So I called the insurance company and it was a simple case of someone being sloppy and not doing their job properly. The prior coverage form was received, scanned, archived, noted in his file, BUT the one little box that you check to waive the pre-existing condition clause was not checked as it should have been done when all those other things were done. So finally we have contact - now I am waiting for a call back from the Infusion Center to schedule an appointment.

Okay you had to know I was going to complain about something right? Well here it is - I called the infusion center at 10:30 this morning and left a message on a voice mail box explaining and asking them to call me back right away. Well by 2:30 when no one had called I tried again - the receptionist wouldn't put me through again and told me that if I had left a message they would call me back and I just needed to be patient.

Is she freaking serious? BE PATIENT? This stuff should have all been taken care of on 12/21/2007 and one screw up after another by varying agencies has meant that we still don't have an appointment for him to get this infusion. I think I have been MORE THAN PATIENT! I would just like people to return their phone calls in a timely manner and with the level of urgency required by the situation. I think this requires great urgency because it has been dragging on for 4 weeks, four weeks in which my husband is not getting any treatment, 4 weeks where he continues to get worse with nothing slowing it down. But I need to be patient, uh yeah.

So I'm going to give her until 3:30 and I'm calling back - I promised my husband I would do everything in my power to get him that appointment scheduled TODAY and dammit I don't want to let him down.

In other news - he had his performance review yesterday - and they had the nerve to give him bad marks for attendance because he used vacation time as sick time. He didn't have to take any unpaid time - every day he took was a day he had earned. It makes me mad that he had to use his vacation time to be sick in the first place and now they give him bad marks on his review for it? Well I have the FMLA paperwork in hand and will be getting the doctor to fill it out. They won't do that to him again!

Edited at 4:40pm - called at 4pm got put on hold, gave up, tried again at4:30 - office is closed for the day and I got an answering service. So 6 hours later - she couldn't be bothered to return my call. I'll be calling 1st thing Monday and if I don't get a response I'll be calling every 1/2 hour until someone answers my damn question. It's time to be a bitch I think.

Yes I'm whining again...

I work hard at the office most days, I keep my nose down and do my work and only check sites when I am waiting on a process to run or taking a break. But every blessed time I decide to check the internet and am not staring at a UNIX command prompt as usual my boss just happens in my cube. Soon he is going to think I never work. *sigh* I may have to give up daytime dalliances online altogether. That would make me very sad.

It's one of the dangers of cubicle life. "Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day." Some days I miss my office - the tiny dark one on the back wall with no window - and it's DOOR!

The 7th level of hell - health insurance company policies...

At this point I'm not really sure who is to blame. I have spent the better part of the day making or waiting on calls about getting Tysabri approved for my husband. It doesn't help that there are so many parties involved in this process. There are the people at Biogen (the manufacturer) and I have yet to actually get his case manager on the phone so I get someone else's interpretation of her notes. There is the doctor's office - they have done everything they were supposed to do but are still trying to help figure this all out. There is the Infusion center - they can't set up an appointment until the insurance approval comes through. There is the insurance company (who the case manager I can't get in touch with has been speaking to). There is my husband whose short term memory is shot and who is stressed and confused and can't remember who said what. Finally throw me into the mix, I have authorization to speak on his behalf to all but the Infusion center because he hasn't actually become a patient of theirs yet so we haven't filled out all the necessary HIPPA privacy forms.

So here is my day - 1st call to Dr's office - spoke to confused secretary who told me to call Biogen. 2nd call to Biogen - can't get our case manager so speak to whoever is available and find that everything has been sent from dr's office and tells me to make appt for Infusion center. 3rd call back to Dr's office this time speak to billing manager who knows what is going on and she really helped me. 4th call back to Biogen to direct line for case manager (given to me by billing manager - bless her!) but got voice mail. Left detailed message and asked her to call me TODAY. Waiting on that call - after which I may have to call the Insurance Company myself to figure out WTF the hold-up is.

The problem has to do with us changing insurance companies on 12/1/07 and then requesting a therapy that costs $30,000 a year. Normally they approve this drug - BUT they have a pre-existing condition clause, they will waive this if you can show that you were covered continually under a different plan with no lapse of coverage. We did this - form was faxed on 12/21/07 should be a DONE DEAL. Then they needed preauthorization forms from the doctor which he faxed on 1/4/08 - again should be a DONE DEAL.

If it is indeed a done deal no one has informed the infusion center so they will not schedule an appointment. There are just way too many cooks in this kitchen and I can't figure out who's burning the sauce and I'm getting pissed!

So friends, this has been my day - in between working at my real job that pays for the uncooperative insurance and the rest of my bills.

Now I have to pee but I'm not leaving this desk until the case manager calls - enough is enough!

Fooling myself...

Today I went out and ran a bunch of errands over lunch - washed the car (still smells new inside, mmmm) and got my baby it's very first oil change - yes it's only been a month but I did drive to Dayton, Ohio and back and I do drive 100 miles a day for work... so $45 later it's clean and lubed! I stop to get some lunch on my way back and right nearby are Hot Harry's Burritos and Quizno's Subs. I really wanted a burrito in a bad way but I need to take something to go and burritos are best when eaten right away (not 20 minutes later when cold) so I went to Quiznos and got a Roasted Chicken Flatbread Chopped Salad (whew a mouthful). It is tasty with lettuce (healthy), tomatoes (healthy), chicken (sort of healthy), bacon (not at all healthy), and Honey Mustard Dressing (completely unhealthy) as well as 2 pieces of garlicy hot flatbread that are just yummalicious!

So how am I fooling myself? In thinking that there was anything remotely lo-cal or healthy about my lunch! Ah well if anyone asks - I had a salad for lunch! (insert evil grin here)

Another harrowing night...

One of the things this dreadful disease has taken away from my husband is his sense of direction (he did used to have one), not to mention his ability to see well at night, and the patience to drive in unfamiliar settings. We have had one bad experience after another as he attempts to find his way to dr. appointments in Albany.

He got lost going to a dr's office that he had driven to 3 times prior so the logical action for me was to buy him a GPS that takes him door to door with spoken clear directions. And that does work to get him there, although he still misses exits or can't get over in time, etc. When that happened in the past I would get a frantic call from him saying he missed his exit and got off exit 6 and was in Latham and had just passed some road I've never heard of and how did he get back to his Dr.? Of course I never had any idea where he was and he would get very frustrated as I struggled blindly to figure out where he was lost and how to get him back to where he wanted to go. This happened three times and I forked out the $300 for the GPS gladly! So last night he misses his first exit and the GPS recalculates and takes him a different way, then he misses the 2nd exit and it does it again. And he makes it to his Dr. appointment on time because he left himself plenty of time. God Bless Garmin!

But the GPS can't help him with his night blindness problem - so I meet him after his appointment on my way home from work so I can lead him back home - he usually does okay following my tail lights all 45 miles home although he drives much slower than I want to so it's excruciating for me. But I love him so I do it.

Last night - following me wasn't working - it was extremely cloudy so no moon and very dark. It was snowing and blowing all over so visibility wasn't great. We made it about 15 miles - going less than 55 mph in a 65 mph zone and really pissing people off. He called me - he can't see and he can't do it anymore we are going to have to leave the truck and he will ride home with me. But where we are leaving it is a park & ride lot in a remote area that has no lights at all. He says I can bring him to it in the morning on my way to work and he'll be fine in the daylight. But I was worried about what condition the truck might be in, probably be fine but if anyone had an inkling to break into it there was no one around to see and no lights to deter. I just couldn't see leaving it there all night.

Queue my dad the rescuing hero! I drove my husband home and then went to pick up my dad who rode the 30 miles back to the truck with me and then drove it home for me. I let dad lead (so he couldn't comment on my lead foot) and off we went. By the time we got home, dropped off the truck and I ran dad back down to his house and got home myself it was 9:30 pm and I ate a giant bowl of Peanut Butter Pandemonium Ice Cream for comfort and went to bed.

I guess I don't have to say I am drained today. Thankfully during the long ride with my dad we talked and when my husband has to go back to the doctor next Wednesday - dad is going to drive him to Albany so there will be no repeat of last night.

Part of me feels bad for whining so much about all of this, imagine my poor husband who has lost his ability to walk with ease, his ability to drive after dark, his ability to reason clearly to find his way around, I guess I'm mourning what I've lost - the guy I married, yes this man who lives with me and sleeps in my bed is a totally different guy than the one I fell in love with. I still love him more than life, but I miss the guy he used to be. I know he misses that guy too.

Oh well to quote my favorite heroine of all time - "Tomorrow is another day!"

It's good to not be famous...

if you are going to have a complete mental breakdown. I was out today at BJ's Wholesale Club and every single magazine on one rack had Brittney Spears on the cover. Some called her crazy, others talked of her mental illness, one showed her in restraints being hauled off.

I'm no fan of Brittney Spears - never liked her music or particularly paid that much attention to her - but I am feeling sorry for her now. It seems she is going through a rough patch for sure - if she does indeed have a mental illness all the "crazy" press can't be helping. It certainly does seem she's been extremely manic since the birth of her kids if the tabloids can be trusted and maybe she needs some help and some privacy?

Oh well I rest safely in the fact that if I was going completely fucking out of my mind crazy - it would never make a single headline and at least that is something.

Can I tell you how much I love my Dad?

My dad just may be the best man I will ever know. I know I'm a bit prejudiced - and to be completely honest he hasn't always been a good man - when I was a child he was not around much. He spent much of his time working or at the bar and many days he came home after I was asleep and was gone before I got up. No one can say he didn't work hard or provide for his family but he also drank a lot every day. But when I was around 11-12 I guess he just quit one day and started spending more time with his family. From that day on he started becoming the great dad he is today.

So what prompted me to go on about my dad today? I woke up this morning (quite late at 9am) to the sound of my dog barking. He was barking because there was noise outside and it was my dad with his ladder taking down my Christmas lights because it was warm today and pretty nice out and snow is coming on Monday. He put them up for me the end of November. Everytime it snows he comes and shovels out the end of my driveway where the plows heap the snow high and it tends to drift.

My dad has done nothing but help us since we moved here - he painted my living room, dining room, kitchen, hallway and main bathroom. He installed ceiling fans. He moved my washer and dryer to the basement. He has mowed my lawn, he built me flower boxes in front of my house, he helped spread out a load of stone delivered for the driveway. He fixed my plumbing and installed a new pressure tank. He's good at everything and just extremely handy and he takes care of his kids.

I'm not sure if we could keep our house running without my dad's help. My dad is the best. I think we're going to take him out to dinner tonight to thank him for all he's done for us.

Everything looks better at 5pm on Friday

It's dark outside, it's been raining all day but I have two whole glorious days ahead of me where I can sleep in, lay around in my PJ's and catch up on what my DVR has been recording for me this week. Hoping to have a nice weekend. Hubby's mood has been improving slowly although today he had some stressful situations that may have served as a setback - I'll find out when I get home I guess. But I'm heading out for the weekend. If anyone is reading - have a wonderful weekend too.

A glimmer of hope

My dear husband had a job interview today - I am awaiting his call saying it's over and telling me what they said. The interview was close to home (6 miles away) so he would get home rather quickly but he's not home yet - so I hope that means good things for him.

I have no doubt this place will want him - they are a very small school district and they didn't advertise widely so they are unlikely to get a plethora of qualified candidates. He may very well be the best qualified with his years of experience and they seemed eager to speak to him. I am worried that a small school district will be unable to pay the salary he needs to get, but he works for a small non-profit hospital in the same county now and so maybe the school will be able to pay him similarly? Let's hope.

I'm anxious about it all - he is so unhappy lately, and his job is a big part of the overall picture. I just feel like if we can change that part the rest may start to come into line.

He is also about to start a new much more aggressive drug for his MS - Tysabri. This is a drug that was approved and then pulled and now approved again by the FDA with a black box warning. It's got some risks associated with it. At this point - they are worth the possible benefits. So we're working with his Dr.'s office, the infusion center (has to be done at a center like chemo), the manufacturer of the drug and my insurance company. They make us jump through hoops but hopefully the circus act is almost over and he can actually start therapy.

So there is hope - things may start to turn around for us - and hopefully it will all contribute to a happier 2008 because 2007 was not a very good year.

Edited to say - while the job interview went well and they undoubtedly will want him they told him the salary and it's $15,000 less annually than he makes now - that is not an option for him or us. So that job is a no go - but he did end up ranked 10th on a state list today - that is promising. Maybe all is not lost.

How did I get this old?

So I wake up one day and realize - I'm middle aged? How did this happen? It seems just yesterday I was 18 and heading off to college for the first time all fresh faced and innocent and ready to conquer the world. Now here I am 37 and a half - getting closer to 40 every day - and complaining of back pains and knee aches and being tired all the time. I drag myself out of bed, go to work, come home, feed everyone, do the dishes, maybe surf the net while watching TV for a bit and then go to bed at 10 to start it all over again the next day.

I guess I'm in a slump and need a boost - but I'm looking at another 20+ years of this same drudgery and it's not what I want. Any tips on winning the lottery? I really could use the dream.

Or maybe I just have a case of the Mondays?

Unhappily ever after in New York

I have to say I've been miserable lately.

I started a new job in October and it is a great opportunity and yet every day I just feel like maybe I've made a mistake and this job is really not the one for me. Things are starting to get better and the money is good that much is for sure but I miss the creative side of my old job. Then last week they announced that the company was being sold to a California based marketing/advertising company. Maybe that will be good as I could get back to the creative side some day?

On the home front - my husband has multiple sclerosis - this is not new news - he's know for over 10 years. He is however getting worse by the day. He can hardly walk these days he is so unsteady. Add to that he is depressed - he is on medication for it but its not enough. He is dragging me down. He hates New York, says he wishes we hadn't moved here, blames me for bringing him here. I went off on him tonight - I LOVED Cincinnati, I had friends in Cincinnati, I had job prospects in Cincinnati, our house cost 1/2 as much in Cincinnati, taxes were lower, utilities were lower, things were closer and more convenient. I LOVED CINCINNATI - he hated it. He whined, he complained, he hated Cincinnati, he wanted to leave, he wanted to move somewhere else ANYWHERE else. He had no ideas so I brought him home to NY. Now he hates it here and it's my fault? I don't freaking think so!

So tonight we went to the movies, had a nice time and get into this conversation about our relationship. I say things turned out okay right? He says I guess? I say - well would you rather be alone. The assh0le says "well if I was alone I wouldn't be stuck here in NY" so he would rather be alone than here with me? really? then he can't understand why I'm crying - because he's a moron I guess. He starts joking and trying to make me laugh instead of cry instead of just saying the words that would make me feel better. He did kiss up and really try to make me feel better but he can't just say it.

I don't know what to do about his misery over NY. I am the primary breadwinner here and I just changed jobs in October at his urging so it's not like I can get a job in Ohio and move us back there where he wants to be. His depression is spilling over to me and I'm more miserable these days than I can ever remember being.

So how is that for an opening blog? My optimisim seems to be lost.